


The Bright Side of Lockdown

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Anxiety, Baking, Banter, Beards (Facial Hair), Coming Out, Complete, Confrontations, Cooking, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Drinking & Talking, Established Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Haircuts, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Meeting the Parents, Mild Smut, Nightmares, Pet Names, Plans For The Future, Roommates, Sappy, Sharing a Bed, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, lockdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 50,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27351538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: When New York went into mandatory lockdown, Sonny and Rafael had limited options. So instead of letting Sonny go off to Staten Island to stay with his parents, Rafael invited him to spend lockdown with him.The first month saw Sonny and Rafael going from friends to roommates to lovers, and the second month of lockdown was full of up and downs for their new relationship. The final two weeks, however, is all about Sonny and Rafael making their own home and telling their families they’re dating.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 71
Kudos: 171





	1. The First Month

**Author's Note:**

> Okay first things first THANK YOU SO MUCH BARISI NATION for all your suggestions and your encouragement over on twitter. This story honestly wouldn't exist without you and all the ideas you had when I asked what you'd like to see in this scenario. This fic is quite literally my gift to you, as you asked for it. 
> 
> I tried to keep the Covid talk to a minimum considering that we're all living through it and, personally, I'm over it. I just wanted this to be a fluffy story where the boys help each other through their struggles and share some kisses, but some context was necessary, and I also couldn't help but add how they'd each handle the situation. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this and it makes you smile, because we all need that this year.

**PROLOGUE: THE LOCKDOWN**

It had been Rafael’s suggestion; a slip, a quick flash of his feelings boiling to the surface at hearing the worry in Sonny’s tone. 

Due to the global crises of COVID-19 infections, New York City was going into mandatory lockdown. Schools were out, offices closed, every store, bar, market turned into ghost towns, and the streets had never been quieter. Everybody had to stay inside, only going out to buy essential products.

Sonny had called him as soon as the lockdown was announced, asking if he needed a ride to his mother’s place. 

“I’m not staying with her,” Rafael had said. “She’s going to my abuelita’s. The apartment is tiny as it is, so I’m staying home.”

“Alone?,” Sonny asked, half-exasperated.

“I can take care of myself,” he chuckled. “What about you? Going to Staten Island?”

Sonny let out a long sigh, and Rafael heard some distressed shuffling from the other end. “Probably,” he said. “Being alone isn’t so good for me.”

Rafael understood that, and he admired Sonny for admitting it out loud. While Rafael was too used to handling his own demons himself, introspective and introvertedly, Sonny went to others for support. 

Rafael was glad to know he was one of the people Sonny would sometimes lean on.

“But man,” Sonny tutted, “the thought of spending I don’t know how many weeks with my parents sounds like a nightmare. I mean, I love them, but they don’t know what using their inside voices is. And they don’t understand the concept of privacy at all.”

He chuckled. “What about your sisters?”

“Mia’s coming home and Gina is staying with her at Theresa’s. Bella has the babies, so she’s stressed enough as it is,” there was more shuffling, “and I can’t help but worry that staying with my parents would be dangerous for them. The reports are all over the place about how this virus is transmitted, but what if I’m asymptomatic? They’re 70 years old, Raf, they’re already at risk.”

Rafael listened to every word with an ache growing below his third rib at the way Sonny sounded more panicked the more he spoke. He never dealt well with the concept of getting ill to begin with - he had a bit of a germaphobe streak to him -, so Rafael could definitely see how this entire situation would be a trigger to his anxiety.

“Why don’t you come here, then?,” he asked, before he could even really think about the implications of that idea, of what that’d do to him and the feelings he’d been trying to keep well suppressed and hidden.

Sonny paused for a moment. “You mean spend lockdown with you?”

“What, like I’m bad company?,” Rafael joked, but it tasted bitter on his tongue. “I have a spare bedroom.” 

Another pause, more shuffling. “Okay. But how big is your kitchen?”

Rafael smiled. “Too big considering I don’t cook.” 

“Well, I do.”

“Good. It is big enough for one noodle-shaped man.” 

“Hey!,” Sonny protested. “I just offered to cook for you for weeks, show some gratitude.”

“I am so grateful for you, Saint Dominick.”

“One of these days you’ll find out you’re not funny.” 

“That day is not today,” Rafael smirked, ignoring the stupidly loud thumping of his heart. “So what do you say?”

“I think it’d be fun,” Sonny said. “But are you sure you want me as a roommate? We don’t even know how long this is going to last.”

“I offered, didn’t I? Don’t make me regret it.”

After that call, Rafael had no idea how much would change during that time they spent together in lockdown, but regret definitely had nothing to do with it.

 ******DAY 1: SONNY’S ARRIVAL**

Rafael opened his apartment door to find Sonny standing there with a small carry-on, a backpack and four shopping bags, two in each hand. Rafael raised an eyebrow at him even as he stepped aside to let the other man in.

“Sorry, sorry,” Sonny said with a wince as he dragged himself inside. “I had a full fridge and couldn’t just let everything go to waste.”

“Well, that works out well,” Rafael said, taking the luggage Sonny didn’t manage to carry and closing the door. “My fridge has seen better days. The pantry doesn’t look too good either, I was thinking about placing an order but I’m not sure if that’s allowed anymore.”

Sonny tutted, shaking his head. “The guidelines are weird. You’d think they’d try to make it clear so we can actually follow them.” 

“That’s very optimistic of you,” he chuckled. “I can go to the shop tomorrow and stock up.”

“I can go,” Sonny set all four bags on the kitchen counter and started filling the fridge. “But I think we’re good for a few days with this.” 

Rafael thought he was right when he saw the two tupperwares of what looked like spaghetti sauce, a carton of egg and two of milk, and of course he’d brought three types of cheese. That looked like they were set for three meals a day for at least a couple days, depending on how much spaghetti Rafael still had in his cupboard. 

Still, he’d check the supermarket’s website about the delivery service and hopefully neither of them would need to go out for food.

“Let me show you your room,” Rafael said once Sonny finished filling the fridge.

Sonny followed closely behind him, pulling his carry-on.

“There’s a bathroom here,” he said, turning the light on for Sonny to see. “Feel free to fill the cabinet as you wish, you’ll be the only one using it for the foreseeable future anyway.”

“Okay, cool,” Sonny smiled lightly, peaking at the bathtub with an interested glint in his eyes.

Rafael snorted. “Let me know if you need bath bombs.”

“I don’t wanna impose too much.”

“From where I’m standing, we’re roommates for now,” Rafael said, moving further down the hall. “So this is going to be your home for a while, and you should feel as such.”

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that,” he said softly, and Rafael looked over his shoulder to smile at him. 

They stopped by the spare bedroom door, Sonny with a boyish smile and Rafael feeling like his heart was about to flutter away.

“Welcome home,” he said, and opened the door.

It really wasn’t much; it was a simple warm beige room with a double bed and one single bedside table. Rafael had pushed his work desk to a corner to give Sonny more space and added fresh flowers to the top of the dresser. It was clean, cozy and small, but Sonny looked around like he’d never seen anything better.

“It smells so good in here,” Sonny said.

“It’s the candle,” Rafael said, pointing at the double wick candle he’d lit and placed on the nightstand.

Sonny’s face went even softer. “Thank you so much, Rafael. You really didn’t have to do any of this.”

“I know,” he shrugged. “But I’m getting something out of it too, you know.”

That was definitely an understatement. Feelings aside, a part of Rafael was dreading spending so much time alone during lockdown. He and Sonny had managed to build a tentative friendship in the past year that became a great comfort to him, so Sonny spending this time with him wasn’t as selfless as Sonny might think.

Rafael wanted his company, and a little voice that sounded a lot like himself dared him to admit he actually _craved_ it. So making sure that Sonny felt comfortable here was a very small way to return what his presence meant to Rafael.

“Free meals?,” Sonny guessed with a goofy smile and Rafael laughed lightly. 

“Exactly,” he said, then stepped away. “I’ll let you get settled. The dresser’s all yours, and there are hangers behind the door.”

Sonny’s smile grew. “Thank you, Raf,” he said. “See you in a bit.”

* * *

Sonny charged into the kitchen half an hour later. Rafael hadn’t heard the shower running, but his face and hair were wet and he’d changed into a navy hoodie that looked well worn but clean. 

“Alright, so,” Sonny started, hands on his hips. “I’ve been reading all these articles about what to do during lockdown, right? And they all say we should set a routine. At what time do you usually wake up? Like, on your days off.”

Rafael blinked rapidly. “Around 9am, depending what time I went to bed the night before.”

“That’s good, you should probably keep your alarm clock to that time,” he said. “Mine’s set for 7:30am, I’m an early riser. I’d normally go jogging, but I don’t know if I should anymore, so I’ll keep to stretches, some burpees, sit ups, squats, maybe jumping jacks. I’ll try not to wake you.”

Sonny was buzzing with energy even as he spoke. 

“Then I can start breakfast at 9am, that’ll give you some time to get up,” he continued. “What do you normally do?”

“Sonny,” Rafael started lightly. “Why don’t we just take it one day at a time?”

“Because if we don’t make plans, then there’s no point,” he threw his hands in the air then let them fall to his sides heavily. “There’s no point in getting up or even doing anything all day. Then what?”

Rafael nodded in understanding. Having no plans would lead to slugging around all day and that was fine once in a while, but everyday? He couldn’t even imagine what that would do to his mental stability. 

“Okay, that’s a fair point,” he sighed. “So we’ll set a morning routine.”

Sonny nodded, relieved. “I’m okay with doing our own things the rest of the day, don’t worry, I won’t trample you too much.” 

“I’m not worried about that, I’m worried about you not losing your mind,” Rafael said lightly, but they both knew that was some truth in that. 

“Well, _that_ I can’t promise,” Sonny joked back, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

He was scared. The uncertainty of what lay ahead was written all over his body, on the tense line of his shoulders down to his twitching hands. 

Rafael reached over and took Sonny’s hand in his, squeezing his fingers in what he hoped was a comforting manner. Sonny looked down at their hands and let out a stuttered sigh.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Rafael said. “We’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Sonny nodded, and his smile turned a little brighter. “We’ll be fine.”

**DAY 3: NICE SURPRISES**

Sonny had been surprised when Rafael asked him to spend lockdown with him. He knew their friendship was getting stronger as the late nights in the ADA’s office became more and more common, but he really didn’t see that coming. 

As much as they were getting increasingly comfortable around each other, Rafael didn’t open up easily. Most of their work nights were filled with comfortable silence as they flipped through files and law books, and sometimes Sonny broke it with an anecdote about his sister or the squad (he’d found that Rafael was quite susceptible to office gossip). 

But Rafael hardly ever started a conversation himself. Sonny remembered the two instances when it did happen; once because Rita Calhoun had managed to piss him off so badly Rafael started telling embarrassing stories about her in their college days completely unprompted, and now Sonny wasn’t as intimidated by Calhoun as he once was. 

There was something about someone puking on their own research paper then falling asleep on it after drinking too much that humanized them. 

And the other time was after a particularly hard loss, and Sonny thought Rafael was a _little_ drunk even though he denied it then. He’d told Sonny a story about his childhood friends and the troubles they’d get into.

“My big mouth has always gotten me into shit,” Rafael had said, and he hiccuped into his glass. “But I guess Alex isn’t too interested in getting me out of it this time.”

So given that Rafael wasn’t prone to sharing information about his personal life unprovoked, it was definitely a surprise to be invited into his home for God knew how long, but Sonny had been more than happy to accept it.

The apartment was a surprise as well. It had an industrial finish to it and it was _too_ spacious for a two bedroom apartment in New York City. And when Rafael had said the kitchen was _too big_ for someone who didn’t cook, he definitely had a point. It was bigger than Sonny’s, and _he_ did cook. 

It was all dark wood and black marble, black pipes finishing the frame around the fridge on the back wall. The appliances were all dark chrome and it all looked pristine, barely used, and the only word Sonny could use to describe was _sexy_. 

“Did you just say my kitchen is _sexy_? Because that’s too Italian, even for you,” Rafael said, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Sonny had burned from the roots of his hair down to his neck, not realizing he’d said it out loud. “Uh, I like this style,” Sonny said. “Very… moody.”

Rafael smirked. “Moody and sexy,” he said. 

“Sounds right for you,” Sonny mumbled, then flushed even harder when Rafael laughed out loud. 

The novelty of the situation had managed to calm Sonny down for the first couple days, but on day three, when Sonny’s alarm went off at 7:30am, he slammed the snooze button and turned to the other side. He didn’t have to exercise _everyday_ , he told himself, especially when he didn’t feel like it. 

Except he knew it was too soon for him to be falling off track already, and he buried himself deeper in the covers with an unhappy grunt. He felt like he was floating in a place where time didn’t matter anymore.

Rafael wouldn’t be up until 9am and Sonny didn’t want to be alone, so he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

* * *

“Sonny?,” Rafael called from the kitchen, and from his tone alone Sonny could tell he was annoyed.

He’d been lounging on the couch playing games on his phone and trading texts with Mike, actively avoiding the news, and Rafael had offered to cook them dinner. Despite saying he couldn’t cook, Rafael did know his way around the kitchen, he just didn’t enjoy it as much as Sonny. 

Rafael had taken care of lunch the day before and Sonny had been treated to a Cuban special, _arroz con pollo_. The ADA claimed it as his comfort food, and Sonny had refilled his plate with gusto. 

“Yeah?,” he called back, looking over his phone.

“Would you mind telling me why you insist on storing _everything_ on the highest possible shelf of every single cupboard?,” he asked. Or better yet, he _seethed_.

Sonny chuckled, but then quickly schooled his expression as he got up to go assist his roommate.

The other man was standing in the middle of the kitchen with his arms crossed, having left every cupboard open as if to prove his point. And he was right - the bottom shelves were empty while the food was stored on the top. 

“Sorry, Raf,” he said with an apologetic wince. “Force of habit. What do you need?” 

Rafael kept scowling at him, but pointed at one of the cupboards. “The risotto rice.”

Sonny hummed. “Nice! You sure you don’t need help? Risotto is a lot of work.”

Sonny reached for the packet without struggle, and Rafael scoffed at him. He opened his hand for it, but Sonny held it high above his head.

“Are you a child?,” Rafael asked, and his scowl deepened. 

“You said you wanted the risotto rice,” he teased. “Come and get it.”

Rafael tried to reach for it but he was a few inches too short. “Seriously?,” he tried again, this time going on his tippy toes.

“Almost there,” Sonny provoked. 

Rafael huffed, then tickled Sonny’s armpit, which immediately caused him to convulse and drop the rice. 

“That’s a dirty trick!,” Sonny pointed accusingly at Rafael. “You cheated!”

“And you’re a baby,” Rafael said, and he looked too smug. “Stop putting everything up there, I live here, too.”

Sonny nodded, giggling at the ghost of Rafael’s tickle. “Okay, sorry. You sure you don’t need help?”

“I’m not going all out, I’ve just got some frozen prawns I better use up.” 

“Still, I can chop some stuff.”

“Fine, if you insist,” Rafael grabbed the extra apron and threw it directly at his face. 

Sonny laughed. “If I’m a baby, what does that make you?”

“A very annoyed babysitter,” he bit back without missing a beat. 

Sonny enjoyed this a lot, the back and forth with Rafael, how they both gave as good as they got and knew very well when to pull back. It gave him a little thrill everytime Rafael threw another ball at him, and he was always eager to play. 

They settled into comfort silence as they pulled out pans and the other ingredients, setting their stations on the counter side by side. They quickly found their rhythm, and Sonny doubted a risotto had ever been made so efficiently. 

“Here, try this,” Rafael offered him a half spoon of risotto. 

Sonny quickly blew at it and accepted the bite, humming in thought as he chewed. 

“I have an idea,” Sonny opened the refrigerator and grabbed leftover lime they’d used last night and showed it to Rafael. “May I?”

Rafael nodded, watching curiously as Sonny squeezed some of the juice out directly into the pan and stirred quickly. He took the spoon from Rafael and refilled it with another half a bite, then offered it to him.

The ADA’s lashes fluttered as he accepted it, nodding his approval. “Perfect.”

Sonny beamed. “Teamwork makes the dream work, uh?”

“It certainly makes dinner faster.” 

That night, Sonny went to bed feeling a lot lighter, but it only lasted as long as it took him to turn off the lights. The worry sneaked up to him once again, and sleep struggled to come.

Maybe he should have gone to Staten Island to help his parents. They’d need groceries soon and he wasn’t sure their regular delivery guy would be able to make it. If one of them got ill Sonny would never forgive himself. 

He was tired of being the one to always worry, though. His sisters seemed fine with leaving Sonny on his own and his parents unsupported. 

Sonny shook his head at himself. Bella was going crazy with the babies because Tommy hadn’t been let off work yet, Gina wasn’t sure if she still had a job, and Theresa had been fighting with the internet company because the poor signal had caused Mia to miss some of her online classes. 

He knew this was a time in history that’d go in the books. It was unprecedented, and nobody knew how to deal with it, how to handle themselves and others. But he missed normality so bad.

He missed the squad, he missed game nights with Mike and Nick, babysitting Jesse and Noah, conversations with Olivia, and hell, he even missed sitting in Rafael’s office and working for hours. 

More than anything, Sonny wanted everything to go back to how it was. He didn’t want to get to _after,_ he wanted it to never have happened. He didn’t want anybody to be sick, no more virus. 

Blinking in the darkness, eyes damp and heart pounding, Sonny wasn’t sure he knew what _normal_ was anymore. And sleep didn’t come anytime soon.

**DAY 8: ROUTINE FAILS**

The first few days of their routine went well. Rafael woke up to the smell of coffee and the sounds of Sonny moving around the kitchen like he owned it. The confidence with which he dominated the space was admirable - not to say attractive - and Rafael allowed him full reign.

On day five, Rafael woke up to complete silence and the only smell around the apartment was the one coming from the reed diffuser in the living room. Sonny had overslept, and Rafael was in charge of breakfast for the first time since lockdown started.

His scrambled eggs were a little burnt and the bacon was a little on the uncooked side, but he knew Sonny would laugh about it and offer some cooking tips in that casual way he always did. However, Sonny didn’t come out of the room until after lunch, when Rafael had already thrown out the leftovers of his sorry excuse of a breakfast. 

The same happened the next day, except this time Rafael was smart enough to only make breakfast for himself and not wait for Sonny while his coffee turned cold. 

It continued like that for the following days. Sonny kept waking up late, skipping meals, barely moving from his seat on the far end of the couch, staring at the TV with a stoney look on his face. Rafael was pretty sure he hadn’t changed his shirt in two days.

When day eight rolled around, Rafael was used to the current routine, but he was worried, _very_ worried. The morning before Sonny hadn’t gotten out of bed, no matter what strategy Rafael used to get him to join him in the living room.

“Come on, we can watch that atrocious cooking show you like,” Rafael had offered with a little pat to his arm. Sonny had forced a smile at him, then shook his head. 

“Thanks, but I don’t feel like it,” he’d said, his default answer to anything lately. 

Rafael had decided that he’d call Olivia after breakfast. She was a little more sensitive about the current times and she’d probably be able to talk Sonny through whatever was going on with him. Because this was way past his initial anxiety - it was inertia. 

There was only one egg left in the fridge, and Rafael pulled out his shopping list to add that and - he checked again - milk and yogurt to it. The list currently had fifteen items on it, including toilet paper, and he knew he’d need to go to the supermarket today. 

He’d managed to rationalize the food to its maximum given that Sonny wasn’t eating properly, but he’d also add some of those quick, instant microwave meals to his shopping list, in case Sonny decided to never cook again. After a moment’s reflection, he also wrote down canned food and cold meat. 

The call to Olivia got pushed until later so he could get to the supermarket before the hoarder crowds. Rafael ate the last of the egg and drank two cups of coffee before he got ready to leave, mask, gloves and hand sanitizer in his back pocket. 

He eyed Sonny’s door for a moment, hesitating. He wasn’t sure if the other man was awake, but then he heard a small sniff and stepped closer, knocking lightly.

“Sonny?,” he called, keeping his voice down just in case.

“Yeah?,” came the reply a beat later.

“I’m going down to the supermarket, do you need anything?”

Rafael heard a dull thud, then Sonny’s hurried steps before he pulled the door open suddenly and way too fast. Rafael had been leaning his shoulder against it and almost fell right into the other man.

“What?,” Sonny said, and Rafael’s heart panged at the dishevelled sight of him. “No, I’ll go.”

“And have a panic attack in the middle of the pasta aisle?,” he chuckled dryly. “I don’t think so.”

“I’m serious, Rafael. I’m younger than you.”

“Not young enough for it to actually make a difference in this case.”

‘Don’t be an asshole about this.”

Rafael stared at him for a moment, and Sonny held eye contact for however long it took him to realize he shouldn’t have said that. He scoffed when Sonny looked away, shaking his head, then pushed away from the door and walked down the hall to grab his keys.

“Rafael,” Sonny called, coming after him. “Come on, I’m sorry, but let me do it.”

Rafael raised a hand at him. “We’ll talk about this when I’m back.”

“Do you really think you going out there is gonna make me feel any better?,” Sonny yelled after him. “I’ll just be sitting here like an idiot worrying about you!”

Complete silence surrounded them for a moment, then a heartbreaking sob shook Sonny’s body. Rafael immediately went to him and pulled him into his arms.

“It’s okay,” Rafael whispered as Sonny took ragged breaths against his shoulder. “We’re okay, Sonny, I promise. I’ll be careful. We’re gonna be fine.”

“We can’t risk it,” Sonny whimpered, body trembling even as Rafael caressed his back. “You can’t-- if you get sick--”

“I won’t. I promise that if I don’t feel like it’s safe I’ll come back home immediately, but they have procedures for this,” Rafael said, as logical and practical as he could. “I’m taking my mask and my gloves, and I won’t go near anyone.” 

Sonny took a long, stuttered breath, then pulled away. His eyes were wet and his face was red. His bottom lip was quivering slightly so he bit into it.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry, I know I’m being the worst roommate ever and I know you already regret inviting me, but I’m--”

“I don’t regret anything,” Rafael interrupted him. “I’m very glad you’re here. And we’ll get through the rough patches, but you have to let me go.”

He meant that both in the sense that Sonny had to calm down about Rafael going out and that he was physically keeping a tight hold of Rafael’s arms. 

Sonny blushed and his fingers loosened, then his hands let go of Rafael and he took a step back. “Sorry about that.” 

“Are you okay?,” he asked. “Are you going to be okay alone for the next hour?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sonny nodded. “I’ll, uh, play some video games.”

Rafael smiled softly. “Consider showering first.”

“Hey! That’s not very nice.”

“You called me an asshole, I’m trying to make good on that title.”

Sonny’s blush deepened. “You’re not an asshole, Raf. In fact, I think you’re great.”

“Excuse you,” Rafael glared playfully at him. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he said with a goofy smile, and Rafael was a little more confident about leaving at seeing it. 

“You better not,” he made his way to the front door, not taking his eyes off Sonny. “I’ll be back in an hour, hour and a half tops.”

“Okay. Be careful,” Sonny pleaded, eyes shiny and big.

Rafael waved his mask in the air. “You bet.”

* * *

When Rafael got home with the groceries, Sonny had already showered, changed, and was waiting for him in gloves and a mask. They spent the next half an hour disinfecting and organizing everything before Rafael himself went into the shower to wash the street air off his body. 

He soaked in the shower for a few extra minutes, until the hot water turned his skin pink and warm. He knew he was going to have to talk to Sonny about what happened earlier and how he was acting the last couple days, but the truth was that he was extremely worried. 

Sonny was a lively guy, always energetic and smiley, eager to the point of annoyance. To see him barely move from bed had shaken Rafael more than he expected it would. He cared for Sonny, _a lot_ , but there came a point where Rafael knew he could no longer help him. 

When he walked back into the kitchen, Sonny was getting lunch ready. He had an apron around his waist, and was moving around the room the way he had the first couple days. He switched the burner down and turned to Rafael as soon as he came in.

“Okay, first of all, I am so sorry,” Sonny said, hand to his heart. “I was the asshole, not you, and I’m sorry. I panicked and took my frustration out on you, which is not fair, and it’s not right. This isn’t easy on anyone and I apologize for the attitude.”

Rafael nodded. “Apology accepted.”

“And I promise I’m going to do better. I’ve been a lousy roommate, no matter what you say,” he said, a finger raised when Rafael opened his mouth to argue. “The guidelines say we’re allowed to go out for walks around our own block and I think I’ll do that. Go around a couple times, sit in the sun, breathe some fresh air.”

“And that’s not going to stress you out?,” Rafael asked, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

“I’ll keep my distance, I’ll have my mask. It’s manageable,” he said.

“There’s not that many people in the streets, anyway,” he sighed. “I’ve never seen New York City so quiet.”

It’d been almost like walking out into a zombie city, the streets empty, shops closed, no cars. It caused a wave of cognitive dissonance to run through Rafael as he walked down to the supermarket, almost not recognizing his own neighborhood.

“I guess I can take advantage of that,” Sonny said, optimistic as ever. “I think I’ll start meditating, too. Mike said he started doing that and it’s helping keep him level-headed.”

“He’s with Amaro, right?”

“Yeah, he was supposed to fly back to California this week, but all flights were cancelled,” Sonny said, throwing some onion rings into a frying pan. “Good for Mike, you know, otherwise he’d be alone and worrying about Nick the whole time.” 

Rafael hummed in agreement. He’d been surprised to hear about Amaro and Dodds’ relationship at first, but when he thought about it, it did make a lot of sense. 

“Do you wanna tell me why you haven’t been getting out of bed?,” Rafael asked, stealing an olive from the jar. 

Sonny sighed, shoulders sagging with it. “I just feel so…,” he looked up at the ceiling. “Hopeless. Useless. Out of control. Overwhelmed. I’ve been having thoughts I haven’t had in years. And I couldn’t find the energy to get up and live a life that seems so pointless.”

Rafael crossed his arms over his chest, feeling the weight of what Sonny was saying himself. He’d been having nightmares lately - old ghosts that he thought were well buried, fears that he thought he’d overcome returned, and he shot out of bed like it was on fire. 

He hadn’t thought about his father in what felt like years, but being isolated while the world outside seemed to implode brought back painful memories of days he spent locked in his room, listening to his home exploding on the other side of the wall. 

“But it’s not pointless,” Sonny continued. “We made a deal, you and I. We’re supposed to keep each other company, help each other through this. And _that’s_ the point, right?”

Rafael smiled. “That is the point.”

Sonny smiled back at him, soft and tender. “It’s not always going to be a good day,” he said tentatively. “But I know you can help me, and I hope I can help you too, in some way.”

Rafael nodded, then looked down at the spatula in Sonny’s hand. “You can start by finishing that because I’m starving.”

The other man laughed, bringing the burner back up and stirring multiple pots at once. “Okay, fair enough. But I gotta ask you something.”

He raised an eyebrow at Sonny, waiting.

“Why _the hell_ did you buy frozen pizzas and premade sauce?,” Sonny asked, completely horrified, and Rafael burst out laughing. “What do you take me for?”

Sonny kept complaining as he finished dinner, and Rafael kept laughing. The rest of the day continued like that, and Rafael was hopeful once again.

**DAY 10: LIVING MISHAPS**

Sonny walked into the apartment with a new confidence in his step. Going outside, breathing fresh air, and seeing that the world was still standing despite their “new normal” helped him greatly. Not to mention it was a beautiful day and the sun had felt _just_ right on his skin.

Rafael was in the living room, scrolling through his iPad with a cup of coffee in hand. Sonny doubted he’d eaten yet, the ADA had the habit of drinking coffee on an empty stomach, no matter how much Sonny schooled him for it.

“Man, I almost forgot it’s Spring,” Sonny said, walking up to Rafael with a little daisy in hand. “Look how pretty this is.”

Rafael looked from the flower to Sonny. “Did you disinfect that?”

Sonny rolled his eyes, still holding out the daisy to Rafael. It took him a moment to realize Sonny was _offering_ it to him, and he could feel heat going down his neck when the ADA finally took it and placed it behind his ear with a flare of hand. 

“How’s that?,” he asked, clearly trying to get a rise out of Sonny, but suddenly his stomach was twisting and there was a lot of saliva in his mouth and his tongue felt _huge_ because Rafael looked too damn adorable and Sonny had no idea what to do with himself.

Of course he found the other man attractive, he was _gorgeous_ , but he’d never been confronted with how much he liked looking at him, being with him, getting his attention. And lately he’d been confronted with it a _lot_. 

Sonny cleared his throat and swallowed thickly. “It suits you,” he said awkwardly, but Rafael simply chuckled and went back to his iPad. “You’re not checking the numbers again, are you?”

“No, just clearing out my inbox,” Rafael said with a satisfied smirk. “I’ve been meaning to do this for years. I think I might even organize my papers later.”

“Productive,” Sonny said. “You eaten yet?”

“No, I was waiting for my live-in chef,” Rafael teased.

“Yeah? What time does he get here, then?”

Rafael looked up at him, his smirk widening as he settled more comfortably on the couch as if to say _get on with it_. Sonny was about to do so when he caught sight of some familiar lettering across Rafael’s chest. 

“Wait, is that my hoodie?,” he asked, shocked.

The ADA looked down at himself and shrugged. “Our clothes got mixed in the laundry.”

Sonny put his hands on his hips. “It literally says Fordham Law right there.”

“I didn’t notice,” Rafael said casually, pretending to check his iPad again.

“You didn’t notice,” he repeated, and Rafael threw him a look that dared him to question it. Sonny’s stomach started fluttering again, and he wondered if maybe it was only because he was very hungry and nothing else.

“Okay,” Sonny threw both hands up in defeat. “I’m gonna make breakfast.”

Rafael hummed. “Thank you.” 

“I was thinking of making some cannoli later, but you have to help me,” he said, not waiting for Rafael’s reply.

“I get 65% of the batch,” he argued at Sonny’s retreating back.

Sonny turned to him, exasperated. “What? No. You get 40%, it’s my recipe.” 

“But you’re the one who needs help,” Rafael smirked. “And it’s my kitchen, so 55%.”

“I should have known that sharing a place with a lawyer would be a goddamn pain in the ass,” Sonny said, but there was no heat to it.

Rafael laughed, then pointed at his hoodie. “You’re a lawyer too, smartass.”

Sonny tutted at him, but let a smile break through when he turned away again, that damn fluttering getting stronger as he thought of baking with Rafael.

* * *

It was Rafael’s fault for thinking he could sneak into Sonny’s bedroom undetected while the other man showered. He only wanted to check his desk, he knew there were more documents that needed to be sorted there, mostly his finances, and he also needed his stapler and highlighter. 

He got sidetracked briefly at noticing how Sonny had made the space his own and how _lived_ in it looked. The room smelled of Sonny’s cologned, and he clearly preferred the right side of the bed if the mountain of pillows on that side was any indication. There was a bible on the nightstand, and a brown rosary lay neatly on top of it. He caught sight of the change of clothes left on the end of the bed, and if Rafael had stopped five seconds to think of what that meant, the whole thing could have been avoided. 

Instead, he stopped his perusal of Sonny’s belongings and went to his desk, opening the drawers and pulling everything out. He scowled at himself as he checked the dates, going as far back as two years ago. Rafael hadn’t really thought about how much of a hoarder he was, but these papers should have been thrown out ages ago.

So he started balling up everything that was too old to still be there, forming a pile of crumpled paper on the desk. Rafael found his stapler on the second drawer, but it was out of staples, so he groaned frustratingly and dug into the other drawers, hoping to find some.

Sonny walked into the bedroom then, and Rafael turned to tell him he’d be out in a second, but stopped with his mouth hanging open as Sonny closed the door, one towel over his face as he dried his hair and another hanging low on his hips. He ran the one towel down his face and chest and pulled the second one off completely, only noticing Rafael’s presence a moment too late.

They both stood there, looking at each other in shock, and Rafael got an eyeful so _full_ he felt his mouth go dry and snapped it shut with a loud click. That jarred Sonny into action, and he quickly covered his groin with both towels, face so red Rafael thought it’d melt off his skull. 

Another beat of silence passed in which Rafael watched the red on Sonny’s face make its way down his neck and into his naked chest. What felt like an eternity later, Rafael had the decency to turn away.

“I’m sorry,” he said, then winced at how strangled his voice sounded. “I was looking for staples, I didn’t mean to-- I didn’t know you’d-- I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sonny said, and Rafael could _hear_ his embarrassment. “It’s your house, I shouldn’t be walking around like this, I should have taken my clothes into the bathroom with me, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s my fault,” Rafael shook his head. “This is your bedroom, I shouldn’t have just walked in, you’re more than welcome to walk around naked -- I mean, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Sonny chuckled lightly. “I’ll just--,” he cleared his throat. “I’m gonna take my clothes, you finish whatever you were doing.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, absolutely mortified. 

“It’s fine,” Sonny said, and this time he sounded a little more sure. “Sorry about the eyeful.”

Rafael bit hard into his tongue, waiting for Sonny to leave before he could open his eyes again. When he did, he blinked rapidly at the sun coming through the window, but all he could see were flashes of Sonny’s wet skin and, well, everything else. 

He was still standing there, empty stapler in hand, when Sonny came back in a couple minutes later - dressed this time. 

“Okay, so,” Sonny started, shifting nervously in place. “It doesn’t have to get awkward, it was just a funny accident, it’s fine. It was bound to happen at some point anyway.”

Rafael nodded. “You’re right. And it’ll probably happen other times.”

“Hopefully it’ll be you next time,” he said with a mild laugh, then realized how it came across and started stuttering as his face pinked up. “I mean-- I hope it’s not me embarrassing myself every time.”

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” Rafael said, then bit his tongue again. 

“Uh, thanks,” Sonny said, ducking his head.

An awkward silence weighed in the air, and Rafael let out a slow breath. “Okay. Sorry for invading your space, it won’t happen again.”

Rafael marched out of the room after that, and it was only much later that he remembered he still needed staples and that he’d left his pile of trash on his desk, and the drawers remained open and messy.

He shook his head at himself. Sonny was right, awkward moments were bound to happen, and if it was anyone else, Rafael would be able to laugh it off and move on. But thanks to his hidden feelings for Sonny, he’d been feeling a prickling on his skin all day as he tried to banish the image of a naked Sonny from his mind.

Of course that failed, and by the time dinner rolled around Rafael felt like he was going to scream.

“Hey, we don’t actually have enough flour for the cannoli,” Sonny said with a pout. “I’ll grab some tomorrow after my walk.”

“I can do it,” Rafael said.

“I thought we agreed I’d be doing the groceries runs.”

Rafael looked at him. There was a small frown on his face and he’d tilted his head to the side, which made him look like a damn puppy. Rafael _ached._

“I really need to get out of the house a little, Sonny,” he said as calmly as he could given the tension he felt.

Sonny’s face relaxed, and he nodded in understanding. “Okay. I’ll just add it to the list, then.”

“Thank you,” he said, going back to the book he was reading.

“Why don’t you come jogging with me?,” Sonny asked after a beat.

Rafael chuckled. 

“Right. Why don’t you come _power walk_ with me?”

He laughed openly now, looking at Sonny with a shake of his head. This man was too earnest for his own good. It was one of Rafael’s favorite things about him. 

“I’ll go down to the supermarket with you and you can continue your jog as I shop, how does that sound?”

Sonny smiled so big Rafael couldn’t help but smile back. “Sounds like you won another one, Counselor.”

“I always do.”

**DAY 13: HORROR NIGHT**

“Do we really have to watch another sitcom?,” Rafael asked as Sonny clicked through the Netflix catalogue like he was the one who paid the bill. “How about a thriller? Or horror?”

Sonny side-eyed him, pursing his lips. “Is the world not horrifying enough as it is?”

“That’s the appeal of a horror movie, it’s _controlled_ , and it only exists within that narrative,” he argued. “Come on, Sonny, it’s been two weeks of sitcoms and romcoms and, no, I will not watch The Avengers again.”

“How about a crime show?,” Sonny suggested, hopeful.

“Are you serious?” 

“Fine! But you know, if this goes on any longer we’ll run out of things to watch,” he huffed.

“ _Then_ I might consider your little cop shows,” Rafael rolled his eyes, grabbing the remote from Sonny’s hand. “I’ll pick.”

“Do your worst,” he mumbled. “I’ll make popcorn. Sweet or salty?”

Rafael smirked. “Both.”

“You’re so high-maintenance, did you know that?”

“And you’re my biggest enabler,” he said with a wink, and Sonny spluttered, getting up from the couch and going into the kitchen.

Rafael had an inkling that Sonny might be scared of horror movies, so he decided to pick something light. No blood or gore, just some ghost activity and a few jump scares. One thing was for sure: scary movies were tense enough to make him forget the outside world for a couple hours, and that was what he needed. He hoped Sonny could get on board with that.

“What do you want to drink?,” Sonny asked a moment later, carrying two bowls of popcorn, a pack of salted pretzels and three different bars of chocolate. “I got that oatmeal stout beer you liked.”

Rafael winced, helping him set everything on the coffee table. “When you say it like that it sounds extremely obnoxious.”

“Exactly,” he said with a cheeky grin. 

“Okay, but only if you want one too, I’m not drinking alone,” Rafael replied, then lifted a finger at him. “And _don’t_ call me high-maintenance again. I said if you _want_ to.”

Sonny laughed, pushing Rafael’s finger away. “As you wish, my lord.”

Rafael rolled his eyes so hard it hurt. “Infuriating.”

“I live to serve, my lord,” he continued as he went back to the kitchen. “I’m nothing but a simple servant.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Rafael called after him. 

He stood up to grab a fluffy blanket from the hallway closet and came back as Sonny was setting two beers on the coffee table, coasters and all. 

“Will that be all, my lord?,” he asked with an exaggerated bow.

“I’ll kick you out of this apartment, don’t you think I won’t,” Rafael said, but only half-heartedly. 

Sonny shook his head, picking one of the bowls of popcorn after Rafael threw the blanket on their laps and they settled comfortably. Rafael grabbed his beer then turned off the lights, which resulted in a surprised gasp from Sonny. 

He sniffed and coughed to play it off, hugging the popcorn closer to himself. “Alright, let’s see what this horror thing is all about.”

* * *

The horror movie had been a mistake, Rafael thought in hindsight. Not because of the movie itself, he honestly couldn’t be sure if the movie was good or not at this point, but because Sonny was almost _in_ his lap, hiding his face in Rafael’s bicep and grabbing his shirt at every new ghost sighting.

It was a whole other kind of torture, to be quite honest. 

“I don’t like that,” Sonny whimpered as the main character approached a door slowly, reaching for the doorknob as the background music got louder and faster. “No, nope, I don’t like it.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen,” Rafael assured him. “It’s an empty room.”

The music came to a sudden halt as the character opened the door to an empty bedroom. 

“Have you watched this movie before?,” Sonny asked, awed.

“No. It’s just pretty obvious when they’re building tension out of nothing,” Rafael chuckled. “You’re gonna rip my shirt.”

Sonny let go quickly, not realizing he’d been pulling at Rafael’s shirt so hard it’d been glued to his chest. 

“Sorry,” he flexed his fingers, then looked back at the TV. “Okay, so what now?”

“It’s behind him,” Rafael said, and a beat later the character turned and screamed at the sight of a dark shadow coming at him.

Sonny still jumped at the loud sound, but he didn’t grab Rafael. Well, maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, then. 

They watched the rest of the movie like that, Rafael trying to guess when the scare would come so Sonny could be prepared for it. He didn’t really move away from Rafael, staying glued to his side the whole time. Sonny only let go when the end credits rolled up, and even then he did it slowly.

“Well,” he started with an awkward chuckle. “That was fun.”

“I think you missed half of it because you were hiding your face,” Rafael said, distracting himself by cleaning up the bowls and the bottles of beer. 

“It was scary!,” Sonny scowled, picking up the trash and the leftovers to store in the fridge. “Can we go back to romcoms tomorrow, please?”

Rafael laughed. “Fine, but only because I don’t want you ruining all my shirts,” he joked and Sonny blushed. “I’ll pick one next time.”

Sonny shrugged. “I trust your judgment,” he said, then threw the TV a meaningful look. “Mostly.”

“Right,” he lifted an eyebrow at Sonny. “Are you gonna have nightmares tonight?”

“What?,” Sonny scoffed loudly. “Of course not, I’ll be fine. Come on Rafael, I’m a NYPD Detective, I’ve seen _stuff_.”

“That’s true,” Rafael said, but he could see on Sonny’s face that it was all talk. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, then. I need a long shower and a book before bed.”

“Alright,” he smiled softly. “Goodnight, Raf.”

“Goodnight, Sonny.”

Rafael wasn’t kidding about the long shower at all, and he only came out into his bedroom half an hour later, skin still pink from the heat, but moisturized and primped. He turned on the bedside table lamp and turned off the main light, bathing the room in a soft yellow glow.

He settled under the covers and picked up the book he’d been reading. It was a cheesy romance about two guys who pretended to hate each other when they both actually secretly had a crush. It was the kind of mindless read that never failed to lull him to sleep.

Rafael’s eyelids were just starting to get heavy when there was a soft knock on his door. He smiled despite himself. He really should have seen this coming.

“Come in,” he called, setting the book aside.

Sonny poked his head through the opening of the door. “Hey, do you mind if I stay here with you until you fall asleep?” 

Rafael tilted his head at him. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he opened the door a little further, stepping in. “I just… Okay, maybe the movie spooked me a little.” 

“Come on,” Rafael chuckled, patting the space beside him. 

He watched as Sonny approached his bed quickly, pausing only for a second before climbing on the bed and hiding under the covers. His head emerged on the other end, hair wild and eyes huge. 

“You could have said something, you know,” Rafael told him in a whisper. “About the movie. We could have watched something else.” 

Sonny gave him a boyish smile. “No, it’s okay. It’s my own fault. I like to pretend I’m brave.”

“Sonny, you went to law school while keeping a full time job,” he said jokingly. “I _know_ you’re brave.”

Sonny’s laugh was broken by a long yawn, and he melted deeper into the mattress. “Yeah, well, that was stupid of me.”

“I think you did really well,” Rafael argued.

“I meant the movie,” he said. “I shouldn’t have watched that because now I think there’s a ghost in my room.”

Rafael smirked. “You want me to check?”

“No!,” Sonny said urgently, hand shooting out to hold Rafael in place. It felt piercing hot through his thin pajama shirt. “What if it gets you?”

Rafael almost yelled at the adorably worried look on Sonny’s face. There was an innocence to it that tore his heart to shreds.

“You’re right,” he said, and wiggled his way further down the bed.

“Can we bake the cannoli tomorrow?,” Sonny asked after a moment of silence. He was blinking slowly, looking sleepy. “I think you owe me.”

“Fine. I’ll even let you have 55% of the batch.”

Sonny shook his head, eyelids drooping. “It’s okay, I don’t mind sharing with you, Raf.”

He smiled softly at him. “Are you falling asleep?”

“No,” he smacked his lip together. “I’m just closing my eyes.” 

“Of course,” Rafael nodded, then reached over to turn the bedside table lamp off.

Sonny’s hand immediately shot out towards him again. “Raf?,” he whispered in the darkness.

“Yeah, I’m here. You want me to leave that on?”

There was some shuffling, and Rafael felt Sonny’s shoulder touch his. “No, it’s fine.”

Rafael relaxed into the bed, then pressed most of his weight onto the shoulder that was touching Sonny’s. 

“Let me know when you’re falling asleep and I’ll go,” Sonny whispered, his voice so close Rafael could feel his breath on his skin. 

“Okay,” he said, then closed his eyes.

**DAY 14: BAKING LESSONS**

Sonny felt a little lost when he opened his eyes the next morning, but then what had happened the night before came rushing back in and he felt absolutely mortified for having knocked on Rafael’s door like a scared little boy. 

But the ADA had kindly accepted him in his bed and Sonny hadn’t had a better night’s sleep ever since this whole pandemic thing began. 

It got even _better_ when he realized that Rafael was fully pressed against his front, Sonny’s arms caging him in, the other man’s head using his bicep as a pillow. He was snoring softly, a purr of a sound that could have taken Sonny right back to sleep if he let it.

But he didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to be well awake and _present_ for this. 

Sonny took a deep breath, the smell of Rafael’s shampoo filling his nostrils. One of his legs was stuck between both of Rafael’s thighs, which meant that the ADA was practically on his lap. He was warm and soft, pliant in Sonny’s arms, and his heart starting hammering in his chest.

He had denied the little crush he had on Rafael for a long time now. It’d started from pretty much the moment they met - Rafael with his sharp tongue and beautiful suit had managed to charm him enough to keep him on his toes, and now here they were. He couldn’t deny it when they were like this, skin to skin.

He couldn’t deny it when he wanted more of it. 

So Sonny seized that moment to its fullest, tightening his arms around Rafael and nuzzling the nape of his neck. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths to try and calm the bubbling in his chest. 

He must have fallen back asleep like that, because when he next opened his eyes he was on his back and Rafael was laying on his chest, arm around Sonny’s waist and one leg thrown over his lap. Sonny smiled down at him, his cheek right on Sonny’s heart. 

Sonny almost jumped out of his skin when the bedside table alarm started ringing and he couldn’t help the wave of disappointment that took over him when Rafael grunted and rolled away to turn it off. 

Maybe he was still half-asleep, because he did roll back and layed on Sonny’s chest again, sighing as he settled into Sonny’s hold. 

A couple beats passed, Sonny trying to keep his breathing even as it finally dawned on Rafael that it was not his pillow that he was currently cuddling. 

The ADA lifted his head and looked at him, hair messy and face a little creased. 

“Good morning,” Sonny whispered, feeling his face heating up. 

Rafael chuckled. “Morning,” he rolled away again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to trap you.”

“No, it’s alright,” he stretched his arms above his head with a long yawn. “I slept like a baby.”

“Me, too,” he said, watching Sonny. “I’ve been having some nightmares. But none last night, even after that movie.” 

Sonny dropped his arms and turned to him. “Really? You didn’t say anything.”

Rafael shrugged. “Didn’t seem relevant.” 

The alarm went off again then, the snooze time running out. 

“You’re late for your jog,” Rafael said as he turned it off and checked the time.

Sonny smiled. “It’s okay if I miss it today because you promised we’d make cannoli.”

“You and your damned cannoli,” he huffed. “I need at least two cups of coffee before I can think about that.”

“As you wish, my lord.”

“Don’t start.”

* * *

Mixing the ingredients had been easy enough compared to trying to roll out the dough. It kept looking lumpy and uneven, the edge breaking and sticking to the rolling pin. They each had their own ball of dough, and Sonny’s was perfect while Rafael’s looked like a sack of sand.

“Why are you beating the dough like that?,” Sonny asked with an amused laugh.

Rafael huffed. “Because it’s all clumpy, you said it was supposed to be smooth!”

“Yeah, but you’re the one smoothing it!,” he laughed louder. “Beating is not smoothing.”

“It’s too sticky for that.”

“Okay, give me that.”

Sonny grabbed the rolling pin Rafael had been using to murder the dough and ran flour over it, stroking it in a very suggestive manner. He was unfazed by his own handling of the rolling pin, taking Rafael’s place to smoothly roll the dough with an ease that was almost annoying and almost charming.

“See?,” Sonny said, all smiles as the dough stretched evenly. “Don’t apply too much pressure, just let your own body weight guide the roll.”

Okay, so maybe _very_ charming. 

That’d been the one word swirling around Rafael’s mind ever since last night, when Sonny walked into his bedroom with a pillow under his arm, eyes sleepy but cautious. And even more this morning when he woke up with his head on Sonny’s chest, listening to how Sonny’s heart skipped then started pounding as Rafael settled back into his embrace. 

It’d been that sound that’d clued Rafael in. He’d been half asleep when he turned his alarm off, and when he laid his head back on what he thought was his pillow, he heard the solid, fast beating. He’d looked up, meeting Sonny’s blue eyes, and the thumping got louder, a violent thud that Rafael could feel as much as he could hear.

For a moment he had wondered if maybe Sonny was nervous about invading his bed and taking over Rafael’s side, but when he remembered the way Sonny had looked at him, he wondered if maybe there was something else there.

And when he looked at Sonny now, a lopsided smile as he watched Rafael try and work over the dough, he _wanted_ that something else.

Rafael mumbled a complaint under his breath when Sonny handed him the rolling pin back. He attempted to mimic Sonny’s movements, and it started off okay, but as he reached a corner the dough broke again.

“This is pointless,” Rafael said frustratingly.

“Right, come here,” Sonny started, positioning himself behind Rafael and resting his hands on top of Rafael’s, one on each end of the rolling pin. “Be patient,” he said, and Rafael felt his breath on his neck.

Sonny’s chest was flush against Rafael’s back as he moved him slowly with the pin, a smooth movement with the weight of Sonny’s body pushing him forward. He didn’t do anything, simply letting Sonny do the work through Rafael. 

He noticed that the pressure on his hands changed as he reached the corners, not so much pressing, but more letting gravity take them. His breath synched with Sonny’s, and together they let their weight press against the middle of the circle, then pushed it away to the corners. 

It felt like a slow dance of sorts, Sonny being the lead as Rafael let himself follow. It was hot between them, Sonny’s breath blowing like a furnace on the back of his neck, his arms caging Rafael in, their torsos swaying back and forth as the rolling pin moved. 

Rafael swallowed hard, willing himself to concentrate on the task at hand and not on the way it felt to have Sonny so close to him. 

Abruptly, Sonny let go of his hands and moved away from him, stumbling back with an apology. He excused himself for a moment and Rafael watched, confused, as the other man bolted out of the kitchen. He stood there with flour up to his elbows and a well stretched circle of dough.

He wasn’t sure what the next step was, so he kept rolling the dough, the ghost of Sonny’s body guiding him as he repeated the same movements. It felt cold and stilted, but it worked. 

About ten minutes later Sonny returned, cheeks pink and lips red. 

“Sorry about that,” Sonny said with an awkward wince. “Hey, that looks great!”

Rafael looked from Sonny to the dough, and was happy to notice that it had indeed turned out smooth and even. 

He noticed that Sonny’s expression had softened when Rafael looked up again, and his heart did a weird flip in his chest at how adoring he looked. 

“You have flour on your face,” Sonny said, pointing at Rafael’s right cheek. 

He reached up to clean it off. “Did I get it?” 

Sonny chuckled softly and shook his head. “You have flour on your fingers, too, so you made it worse.”

“You know what, I take back what I said yesterday,” Rafael started. “This is way too much work, not to mention the mess. I want 60% of the batch.”

Sonny threw his head back in laughter, and Rafael smiled at the innocence of it. 

Rafael knew from the beginning that having Sonny around all day every day would complicate things for him, but that look on Sonny’s face was worth the yearning in his own heart.

**DAY 18: FACETIMING FRIENDS**

Sonny was laying on the couch playing puzzle games on his phone while Rafael cooked dinner. He’d scheduled a facetime session with his mother and grandmother so they could cook together, promising Sonny a full Cuban meal.

So far it’d been a mix of annoyed yelling and laughter, most of the words exchanged being in Spanish. 

He could understand most of it, but Sonny’s favorite pastime was practicing his pronunciation by repeating what Rafael was saying. 

“ _Pero no me gusta, mami_ ,” he heard Rafael say.

“ _Pero no me gusta, mami_ ,” Sonny repeated, then frowned at himself. He really needed to work on rolling his Rs a little better.

The apartment smelled amazing, the rich scent from whatever Rafael was cooking made his mouth water. 

He looked over at the kitchen entrance, where Rafael stood with an apron wrapped around his waist and a tea towel over his shoulder. He was worlds away from the confused man who had been having a hard time rolling the cannoli dough a few days ago. 

Sonny flushed thinking of that incident and his reaction, the way he’d had to run to the other room to take some deep breaths and control his body’s natural response to Rafael’s proximity.

But it’d been almost intimate, the way he stood behind Rafael with his arms around him, clasping his hands, swaying the two of them back and forth in smooth motions. 

It was inappropriate, he was well aware, but next thing he knew there was a familiar curl on the pit of his stomach and a tightness on his groin. So he’d pulled away before things got worse and left the kitchen, going into his room for a moment to try and get himself back together. 

He wasn’t sure if Rafael had noticed what was going on, but if he had he’d been merciful enough to not mention it. 

“Abuelita, I don’t think you should be drinking that much wine,” he heard Rafael say in English.

His grandmother’s reply was short and to the point, but Sonny recognized the two curse words she used, which then caused Lucia to reprimand her and Rafael laughed. Sonny smiled at the sound. 

Sonny almost dropped his phone when a call came in and it started vibrating in his hands. It was Mike requesting a facetime and he smiled before even picking it up.

“Mikey!,” Sonny greeted him, Mike’s friendly face filling his screen.

“Sonny!,” he said with the same level of enthusiasm, grinning broadly. “How are you? You look the same!”

Sonny chuckled. “How else was I supposed to look?”

“Man, don’t you see my hair?,” Mike lifted the camera a little to try and show around his head. “It’s getting so long.”

“Oh, wait,” he leaned in. Mike’s hair was starting to curl around the nape of his neck, and his side parting was long enough to cover his eye. It was definitely the longest the Sergeant’s hair had ever been for the time Sonny had known him. “It really is!”

“I’m thinking of growing a beard to complete the whole caveman look,” he joked. “Nick’s already given up on shaving, he’s looking…,” Mike let out a dreamy sigh that told Sonny what he needed to know.

He smiled at his best friend, glad to see the clear display of domestic bliss. “How is he?”

“He misses his kids, but he’s doing fine all things considered,” Mike said, proud. “We’ve been training each other.”

“Is that what they called it nowadays?”

“Very funny,” Mike shrugged, then winked. “But not too off the mark, either.”

Sonny laughed. “Nice. Good for you, man.”

“And where’s Barba?,” he asked, looking around the edge of the screen.

Sonny lifted his phone to show the kitchen door. “He’s making dinner with his mother over facetime, some Cuban dish.”

“Oh man, you’re in for a treat.”

“You’re telling me,” Sonny ducked his head.

“How’s that crush, uh?,” Mike asked, lowering his voice.

Sonny looked over his shoulder then back at Mike, leaning closer to the screen. “You were talking about beards… Well, Rafael decided to let his beard grow out, too, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Mike made a sympathetic noise. “Not gonna lie, I thought at this point of you two living together something would have happened.”

“I don’t think he sees me that way,” Sonny said with a small sigh. 

Mike let out a bark of laughter. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. Man, he definitely does. Even Nick thinks so.”

“That’s not a stretch, Nick’s always been the most observant out of the two of you, Mr. Clueless.”

“Ah, you’ve got jokes. Well, I guess I won’t help you, then.”

Sonny shifted forward, almost falling off the couch. “Mike, come on, I’m desperate here.”

Mike dropped his frown and smiled softly at him. “Okay, okay. So, you’re 100% sure he knows you’re pansexual, right?”

Sonny paused, thinking about what he’d told Rafael in the last couple of years. He knew he’d mentioned a date before, a couple exes, but he’s not sure he ever revealed their genders, or that the last person he dated was non-binary. 

“You haven’t?,” Mike cut through his thoughts, exasperated. “Sonny!”

“I thought I had! I’ve told him about my exes!,” Sonny face-palmed. “I wasn’t explicit about it.” 

“You gotta let him know you’re also playing for his team, man,” Mike said. “Didn’t he come out to you?”

“He’s said he’s gay a couple times, yeah.”

“See! He was letting you know!”

“Okay, okay! Geez. I can’t believe I never--,” he shook his head at himself. “I know I used they/them pronouns for Taylor, but for the others it was always ‘my ex’ or ‘my date’.”

“Yeah, you’d think you’ve never _actually_ dated anyone with how much of a fail this is. Who’s clueless now, uh?”

Sonny laughed. “Touché, my friend. Touché.”

* * *

Rafael heard Sonny talking to Dodds once he finished his cooking session with his mother. Of course he was trying not to pry into their conversation, but with how loudly their voices were fluctuating in their excitement, he had managed to catch a sentence here and there.

And a couple of those had given him pause. 

He couldn’t be sure who they were talking about, of course, but he wasn’t stupid either. There was only one person Sonny was currently hanging around, and the “him” he’d been referring to was most likely Rafael. 

So hearing Dodds say Sonny should let him know “he was playing for his team” certainly picked his interest. There was also something about someone telling Sonny they were gay, which Rafael definitely had done more than once.

It was never a serious coming out moment, Rafael was past caring for momentous events, but he was very open about it. Especially around potential prospects, which he’d wished Sonny could be back when he still had hope that the Detective was anywhere in the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

The other man had never said anything, be it casual or an actual talk, nothing other than passing comments about dates. And rather than assume, Rafael dropped it altogether and tried to move on.

Now there he was, standing in his kitchen, listening to Dodds and Sonny joke around and laugh together, and Sonny was seemingly trying to come out to someone.

Someone who Rafael hoped was him. He’d like to think Sonny was comfortable enough for it. 

Then 20 minutes later, when Rafael had turned off the last burner and was about to serve himself a plate, Sonny walked into the kitchen with a broad grin.

“Hey, that smells so good,” he said, peaking into the pots. 

“Help yourself,” Rafael said, offering the plate he’d taken for himself. “Was that Dodds Junior on the phone?”

Sonny’s cheeks went pink. “You heard that?”

“I wasn’t trying to pry, but your voices did travel a little,” he teased. 

“Sorry,” he ducked his head. “Mike’s good, so is Nick. He’s growing a beard like you.” 

Rafael chuckled. “And how does Dodds feel about that?”

“He seems very…,” Sonny smirked. “Satisfied.”

“I bet." 

There was a beat of silence where Sonny stood there with an empty plate in hand and Rafael just looked at him, suddenly very self-aware of his own beard. 

Sonny’s blush deepened, and he ducked his head again. 

“Thanks for dinner,” Sonny mumbled, then turned to fill his plate. 

Rafael grabbed another plate for himself, mouth watering as the steam rose from the pans and swirled around them. 

“So, what’s this called?,” Sonny asked. 

“ _Frijoles_ ,” Rafael said.

“ _Frijoles_ ,” Sonny repeated as he served himself.

“Put some more rolls into it,” Rafael instructed. “ _Frijoles_.”

Sonny cleared his throat, then almost growled as he tried to copy Rafael’s pronunciation. 

“Better,” he chuckled. 

“You think you can teach me some more stuff?,” Sonny asked, eyes big and hopeful.

“You want me to teach you Spanish?,” Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. He’d heard Sonny speak Spanish before, and while his pronunciation was tragic, he did have some vocabulary. 

“Yeah, I think my Staten Island accent kinda ruins it,” he said, leaning against the counter as he loaded his fork.

Rafael watched attentively as Sonny took his first bite, humming in appreciation and nodding at his own plate. 

“This is so good,” Sonny said between bites, taking one after the other like a starved man. “Amazing.”

Rafael smiled. “Thank you.”

Sonny waved him off, cheeks puffy as he stuff himself. “So, what do you say?”

“I’ve already helped you pass the bar, what’s one more teacher notch on my belt?,” he teased. 

Sonny smiled broadly. “That’s the spirit. Thanks, Raf. And thanks for dinner, too. This is really great.” 

“Don’t get used to it, you’re still the live-in chef.”

“Yes, my lord,” he teased.

Rafael groaned, rolling his eyes. Sonny winked at him, and Rafael was reminded of his conversation with Dodds. He had no intention of pressuring Sonny into telling him anything, but he couldn’t help the hopeful feeling that bloomed in his chest.

**DAY 22: HONEST CHATS**

The night really started after dinner when Sonny found Rafael’s cocktail shaker set in the far back of a cabinet while putting plates away. He’d come into the living room with the shaker in one hand, a sealed bottle of vodka in the other, and a clear question on his face.

Rafael set his Kindle aside and grabbed his iPad as he followed Sonny into the kitchen with a curious tilt of his head.

They’d googled recipes together, aiming for drinks that generally went down easy. Neither really enjoyed vodka, but some orange juice and grenadine made a beautiful vodka sunrise that was decadently sweet and very alcoholic.

Dinner had helped them keep themselves in check for the first hour, the two of them taking turns in mixing the drinks, but after a couple turns Rafael noticed that Sonny’s accent was getting thicker and Rafael himself had a permanent little smile on his face. 

At some point, both men settled on the couch with fresh cocktails - Rafael had lost count of how many they’d had -, their shoulders touching as they giggled into their drinks. Rafael felt his eyelids getting heavy and took a couple deep sips of his vodka before resting his head back and sighing.

“Oh, this is gonna kick my ass tomorrow,” he said, letting out a small hiccup that made Sonny giggle some more. “Best idea ever, though.”

Sonny nodded his agreement, but frowned when he stopped moving his head and his eyes went glassy. “Whoa,” he said. “Okay, I think I gotta stop.” 

Rafael scoffed. “Spoilsports.”

“Okay, Counselor, you can drink me under the table, you win,” Sonny said with a goofy smile, leaning forward to set his glass on the coffee table.

At the loss of contact Rafael fell sideways and his head felt much too heavy for him to lift himself back up, so Sonny turned to grab him by the shoulders and hoisted him back into place as they laughed.

“God,” Rafael grunted. “I think you’re right, we should stop.”

“You feeling okay?,” he asked, blinking heavily but still holding Rafael safely in place.

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved a careless hand. “We should probably drink some water.”

“You’re smart,” Sonny said in agreement. “I’ll go grab it.”

He stood up in a blur, then sat back down with a confused and pained noise. 

“That was too fast,” he mumbled, putting a hand over his eyes. “Gimme a minute.”

Rafael grabbed him by the shoulder and squeezed. “It’s okay, I’ll go.”

“Be careful,” Sonny said, helping him stand up. 

Rafael took a moment to steady himself on his feet before he tried to take a step, Sonny holding him by the hand all the while. Once he felt confident enough, he took a few more steps until he was too far for Sonny’s hold. He pouted when Sonny’s hand fell away and maybe he made some kind of noise too, because Sonny looked at him with worry flashing in his drunken eyes.

“You okay?,” he asked.

“I’m okay,” Rafael confirmed. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

As soon as he reached the kitchen, Rafael’s mouth felt like the driest desert. He filled a glass of water and drank it all in one go, filling another one right after and doing the same. He was panting as he filled the glass a third time, but made his way back to Sonny in slow steps, glass in hand.

Sonny hadn’t moved from his previous position, blinking widely and looking down at his hands like he was trying to sober himself up by sheer willpower.

“Here you go,” Rafael said, handing him the glass then flopping back into his seat.

His careless weight drop jostled Sonny and the water spilled down the corners of his mouth, dripping down his shirt. Sonny didn’t stop drinking, though, draining the glass in one go in a similar fashion to Rafael.

“That’s good,” Sonny said, licking his lips. “I needed that, thanks.”

Rafael sighed, resting his head back. “No problem.”

“You had fun, though, right?,” he asked, looking at Rafael.

“It was fun,” he smiled. “I had fun. Did you?”

Sonny smiled back. “I had loads of fun. I can’t remember the last time I actually drank that much. Always had either class or work the next day to worry about. Always kept myself in check in case a call came in.”

Rafael hummed in understanding. He didn’t say anything, trying to shake the fog off his brain to try and properly process the look on Sonny’s face as he spoke. He looked sad, and Rafael’s heart ached. 

“You know, I’ve never taken a day off,” Sonny continued. “Not even sick leave when I had the flu. This whole month has put a lot into perspective for me. All those times I held myself back, when I said no to dates, when I said no to going to games with my sisters… I regret all of that.”

He pushed off the sofa to lean closer to Sonny, to hold his hand as he ducked his head with a heavy sigh that made his shoulder shake. 

“If I got sick and I was laying alone in a hospital bed right now,” he said, head still hanging heavily down, “I would never wish I’d worked more. I would never wish I’d asked for more overtime. I would never wish for a promotion. I’d regret not seeing my family more. I’d regret not spending more time with the people I care about. Or just having some down time, pure and simple.”

Sonny looked at him, and there was pain so clear in his bright blue eyes Rafael found himself squeezing his hand, hoping to give him some comfort.

“Is there even a point to any of it?,” Sonny asked in a whisper, squeezing Rafael’s hand back.

“I don’t know,” Rafael said. “What I do know is that you’re a great person, Sonny. You just wanted to help people and you did. You _do_. But maybe you’re just now realizing that the person you have to help first is yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I don’t think I know how to do that,” he admitted. 

“It’s okay, it might take some time, but at least you’re being honest with yourself about what your priorities really should be.”

Sonny nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I want to be honest.”

He said it earnestly, his hair falling over his forehead and making him look even younger. 

“So, I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” he started, and Rafael immediately felt himself sober up. “It was never meant to be a secret, I just never thought to come out and actually use the words before. But I should have, and I want to. So I will.”

“Okay,” Rafael breathed.

“I’m pansexual.”

They sat there looking at each other for a couple beats. Rafael thought he could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

“Okay,” he said again. “Thank you for telling me.”

Sonny nodded, smiling that little lopsided smile that made his dimple deepen. “I wanted you to know.”

“Why?”

Sonny cleared his throat. “Because…”

His beautiful eyes met Rafael’s again, and maybe he was still very much drunk, because he could swear he felt the air crackling around them.

“Because,” he tried again, “I wanted you to know that there’s a possibility that we-- that I am a possibility.”

Silence. 

Sonny’s breath shook. “For you.” 

Rafael leaned forward, a hand on Sonny’s cheek, and kissed him. 

It was a soft, tentative press of closed lips at first; a drunken decision that took longer than normal to process as it happened. But then Sonny’s hands were on his waist, pulling him closer, and he tilted his head so their mouth slotted better together, and the dam broke completely and irreversibly. 

Rafael let out a little whimper when Sonny coaxed his tongue out, licking into his mouth with a practiced, wet stroke of his tongue that felt like he was trying to quench a thirst so deep Rafael had the absurd thought that he should have brought Sonny a second glass of water. 

It was messy, it was heaven, and Rafael found himself in Sonny’s lap before he could even really think about it.

He buried one of his hands in Sonny’s hair, caressing and tugging, as the other slithered down the front of his shirt, feeling him up. Both of Sonny’s hands were already up the back of Rafael’s shirt, digging his fingers into his skin, gripping and pulling. 

Rafael nipped lightly at Sonny’s bottom lip, licking to soothe the sting when Sonny groaned. 

His breath was short, his skin was on fire, but Sonny’s mouth on Rafael’s felt better than anything he could have possibly imagined. There was something intoxicating about the way Sonny kissed him, and he knew he could get addicted to it very quickly.

Rafael had been contemplating pulling Sonny’s shirt off when everything stopped. 

Sonny’s hands disappeared and Rafael trembled at the cold ghost of a touch it left behind. He pulled their mouths apart and it took everything in him not to chase Sonny’s lips.

He leaned back, looking at the perfect mess Sonny was under him, hair all over the place, lips swollen and red, cheeks pink, panting. 

“I’m sorry,” Sonny breathed. “I think you’re drunk, Rafael, and I don’t mean to take advantage of you.”

Rafael shook his head. “You’re not taking advantage of me, I started it.”

“I know,” Sonny said, his hands on Rafael’s thighs, not moving, but a welcomed weight. “And I’m glad you did. But it’ll kill me if you regret this in the morning.”

“I won’t,” he said, very certain for someone who still didn’t feel too steady on his feet. “But I understand.”

Rafael got off Sonny’s lap, head swimming as he dropped himself on the couch. He’d wanted this for so long, but now there he was fucking it all up already. 

“I don’t regret it, by the way,” Sonny said. As if to prove his point, he pecked Rafael on the lips tenderly before standing up. “But maybe we should revisit this in the morning.”

He leaned back on the couch. “I’m sorry. I should have asked before--”

“Hey,” he turned, standing in front of Rafael with a smile. “Don’t apologize unless you’ve changed your mind.”

Rafael smiled back. “Then I’m not sorry.”

Sonny’s smile grew. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” he nodded.

**DAY 23: CAKE MISTAKE**

They hadn’t talked yet and Sonny felt like he was going to shoot off into the moon at any second. 

Thankfully, he’d woken up hangover-free. In fact, he had crystal clear memories of everything that had happened the night before. He smiled despite himself, remembering the way Rafael’s lips had felt on his, the weight of him on his lap, his hands. 

Sonny had been struck by just how right it all felt, but the smell of vodka as their breaths mingled snapped him out of it so fast he almost sobbed into Rafael’s shoulder. It’d been a bucket of cold water, but a little voice in the back of his mind wondered if Rafael would have kissed him if they hadn’t consumed half a bottle of vodka. 

Truth be told, even in broad daylight and a clear head he still wasn’t sure, which was why he’d gotten out of bed looking forward to having a conversation about it. 

But Rafael had barred him from the kitchen and disappeared inside it, leaving Sonny confused, worried, and a little frustrated. 

He guessed Rafael had woken up with a hangover and Sonny had told him to go back to bed, that he’d take care of breakfast, but Rafael had simply shook his head and repeated his order.

“No matter what, do not come into this kitchen,” he had said, so there Sonny was, obedient as ever, waiting.

There had been banging, cursing, pans falling, glasses clinking. Sonny winced at every sound, looking over at the closed kitchen door, wishing he could see through the dark wood and find out what was happening. 

Was Rafael mad at him for stopping their kiss? Was he having second thoughts about the whole thing? 

Because Sonny would have to pack his things and leave if Rafael asked him to forget about it, to pretend it never happened. 

Sonny looked around the living room, heart sinking in his chest. He’d learned to call this place home for a while and it’d break his heart to leave like that, with the memories he had and how much he craved for more. 

For a moment, Sonny considered trying to talk to Rafael through the kitchen door. He’d even talk _at_ him if necessary, anything to make sure he made his intentions known. 

But before he could make any real decision, the fire alarm started going off and there was a big _bang_ coming from the kitchen.

Sonny jumped off the couch, running to the kitchen ready to take Rafael in his arms and pull him out of the fire himself. 

But when he opened the kitchen door there was no fire, instead what Sonny saw was batter _everywhere_ . On the floor, on the counters, on the walls, and all over Rafael, as well as flour going from his hair to his bare feet. His first thought once he had established that Rafael was not in danger was that the other man looked _adorable_.

Dark smoke was coming from the oven, which was probably what’d set off alarm, and Rafael was standing there, holding an overflowing cake tin with a deep scowl on his face.

“Are you okay?,” Sonny asked, still a little alarmed. 

Rafael nodded, setting the burnt but clearly still raw cake on the counter. “I’m fine.”

Sonny noticed the cake mix box then and chuckled. “Were you trying to bake a cake?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” he said, and he was still scowling.

“But why?"

“It’s been almost a month of you cooking most of our meals and baking enough to stock a small bakery, it’s only fair.”

Sonny couldn’t help but smile. “You don’t have to do any of this, Raf.”

“But I wanted to,” Rafael’s scowl had smoothed out a little more. “As a thank you.”

“Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but you’ve opened your home to me,” he said softly. “I’m the one indebted to you. Cooking is really the least I can do.”

Rafael looked away. “It’s not only for cooking.”

“Then what?”

“For keeping me company,” he said, looking at his disaster of a cake. “For trusting me. So,” he pushed the burned tin towards Sonny, “thank you.”

“Oh, Rafael,” Sonny laughed loudly, but accepted the offered cake. “You really don’t have to thank me. You know how much I value our friendship”

“Our friendship,” Rafael repeated softly. “Right.”

Sonny cleared his throat. “I think we should talk about last night.”

“I need a shower,” he said. He was right, he was covered in sticky batter and flour, but Sonny had the impression that he was just trying to avoid the conversation.

When the ADA made to leave, Sonny grabbed his arm, holding him firmly. “Wait,” he said softly. “Do you regret it?”

Rafael looked at him with a spark in his eye, but didn’t say anything.

“Tell me, Rafael,” he asked, stepping closer to him and never letting go of his arm. “Do you regret kissing me?”

“No,” Rafael eventually said. “I don’t.”

“Then why are you running away?”

“Because I don’t want _you_ to regret it,” he said, pained. “You just said you valued our friendship and I’d rather have you as a friend then ruin it and not have you at all.”

Sonny took advantage of his hold on Rafael’s arm and pulled him to himself, dipped his head down and kissed him. He poured everything into that kiss, hoping to take away all of Rafael’s doubts about how he felt. 

After a moment of surprise, Rafael responded in tandem, wrapping his arms around Sonny’s shoulders and opening his mouth at Sonny’s request, sighing when their tongues met in a slow caress. The urgency of last night wasn’t anywhere to be seen now, instead it was replaced by a show of reverence, a feeling of adoration and appreciation.

“Are you sure about this?,” Rafael asked when they parted for a breath, neither moving away from the other’s embrace.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” Sonny said with a small smile.

Rafael sagged in his arms. “But when lockdown is lifted you’ll go back to your apartment and--”

“And we’ll be able to go on proper dates. Dinner and a Broadway show, how does that sound?,” Sonny asked, pecking him on the lips. “I am sure, Rafael.”

“Thank God,” he said, relieved, and kissed Sonny again. 

**DAY 30: NEW ROUTINES**

For a moment, Sonny thought he’d passed out. His vision went black and he knew he was yelling, but he couldn’t hear it. He felt his entire body tense, locking in position as a wave of pleasure so overwhelming took over his senses and his muscles.

A couple beats passed where Sonny tried to hold himself up as he blinked the fogness away. His eyes cleared to the sight of Rafael, head thrown back, mouth agape, eyes screwed shut. He was so beautiful that Sonny’s arms weakened and he fell onto his elbows, still trying to keep his weight off of Rafael. 

“God. Jesus,” Sonny mumbled, thighs shaking through a number of aftershocks. “Fuck.”

Sonny regained his senses then and was suddenly assaulted by so many sensations at once he had to close his eyes for a moment. Rafael was all around him, under him, pulling him. His body started trembling again and he exhaled sharply to try and pull himself together.

“Blasphemy,” Rafael mouthed against his shoulder, nipping and sucking at his skin.

Sonny hummed in approval, but he needed those lips on his as soon as possible. He was aching with how much he _needed_. “Come here.”

“I’m busy,” Rafael said, licking under his jaw. 

Sonny groaned. “Let me kiss you.”

Thankfully Rafael accepted his request and detached himself from Sonny’s neck with a cheeky grin. They met in a kiss so deep Sonny felt it in his toes.

“We should have been doing this from day one,” Sonny said against Rafael’s lips, diving back in right after, relishing the way Rafael opened his mouth to him.

One kiss bled into another and Sonny’s skin started tingling as he fully got down from his high. Carefully, slowly, he pulled out of Rafael, hissing and shaking as he did, then threw himself on the mattress beside him with a loud huff. 

The ADA pouted at the loss, but it was mostly for show as Sonny cooed, turned and cuddled close to him, their sweaty skin sticking together where they touched. 

It’d been a week since they first kissed and Sonny had learned a lot about being with Rafael. He knew Rafael liked it when Sonny used their height difference to his advantage, using the extra few inches to pin Rafael in place tightly.

He’d noticed the small hitch in Rafael’s breath when he pulled up to his full height and crowded him, towering over Rafael and holding his lips just above his, making Rafael lift up on his tippy toes to close the distance. It’d quickly become Sonny’s favorite thing to do.

Their exploration of each other’s naked bodies started shortly after that, and Sonny was very happy to note that they were very compatible in that department, but he knew there were still a lot of experiences they could share inside those four walls. 

It was just the beginning, and everyday Sonny learned something new that made Rafael all the more fascinating to him.

“We do need to get out of bed at some point,” Rafael said half-heartedly. “I need a shower, put on some underwear for once.”

“No, I like you like this,” Sonny said, throwing a leg over his thighs. 

Rafael smirked. “I know, you haven’t let me put on clothes for two days now.”

“And what’s wrong with that?,” Sonny asked, pressing a kiss on his shoulder. “You look really good.” 

“How are you not exhausted?,” he asked, amused. 

“You give me energy,” Sonny pressed another kiss on his skin, “you make me feel good,” another kiss, a little nip, “and I can’t get enough of you.”

“I should have known you’d be sappy,” Rafael sighed in fake exasperation, the upward tug of the corner of his lips giving him away. 

“It’s your fault,” Sonny said, giddy as he pushed himself on top of Rafael again.

The other man opened his legs to accommodate him, closing his eyes and Sonny leaned down to kiss him, slow and warm. 

When they parted, Rafael grimaced, eyes still closed as he wiggled his hips, shifting uncomfortably.

“I really need a shower,” he said, breathy. He opened his eyes, and Sonny’s breath failed for the millisecond it took him to process the intensity of Rafael’s beautiful green gaze. “Do you want to come with me?”

Sonny beamed at him. Showering together wasn’t a thing they’d done yet. 

“Absolutely,” he said.

* * *

It took them longer than necessary to move from the bed to Rafael’s ensuite because Sonny grabbed his ass and pulled him in for another quick make out session as soon as they got up from their tangle of limbs and sheets. The energy that buzzed off of him was refreshing, Rafael thought, surprised that he still wanted more of him even after days of having him all to himself.

When they did walk into the bathroom, Sonny let out an impressed gasp, peaking into the shower. “Oh damn, you’ve got a hydromassage shower!” 

“I do,” Rafael said, laughing at his enthusiasm. “Do you wanna try it?”

“Hell yeah,” Sonny replied with a goofy grin as he looked at the controllers. “Man, this looks like you’re operating a spaceship.”

“Not quite,” he said, amused, stepping behind Sonny and guiding him into the cabin. “Sit here.” 

Sonny obeyed, watching with innocent awe in his eyes as Rafael pressed the right buttons and the shower beeped and started. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for take-off,” Sonny joked right as the jets kicked into life. 

Rafael adjusted the pressure and the temperature a couple times until he was sure that Sonny would get the best experience out of it. Rafael knew Sonny was already well relaxed and pliable after their morning activities and expected to have to remove a 6 foot pile of goo from his shower after the jets were done working their magic on Sonny’s back.

“That’s real nice,” Sonny mumbled, eyes closed. 

Rafael smiled at him, pushing his head back gently into the highest stream of water and letting it wet his hair as it massaged his scalp. Sonny’s mouth fell open at the sensation.

“Can I wash your hair?,” Rafael asked.

“Yeah,” Sonny whispered.

He grabbed his most expensive shampoo bottle and squeezed a fair amount into his hands before reaching for Sonny's scalp and lathering it in with a gentle but effective massage. The other man sighed, a small smile curving his lip.

Rafael worked the shampoo in with circular motions, from Sonny’s hairlined back into his crown then down onto the nape of his neck. He followed that path a couple times, pausing every time to rub behind Sonny’s ears.

“It’s getting a little long,” Rafael said, brushing the whole length back and it a little at the tips.

“I know, how do you like it?,” Sonny had fallen forward as Rafael touched him, resting his forehead on his stomach.

“It’s a good handful for a tight grip,” he said, tugging Sonny’s head back by his hair.

“You’re very naughty,” he grunted even as he smiled up at Rafael. “Do you think I should grow a beard like you?”

Rafael lifted an eyebrow at him. “Can you grow a full beard?”

“‘Course I can,” Sonny said, almost offended. “Pretty thick, too.” 

Rafael hummed in consideration. Sonny was very attractive as he was, and imagining him with longer hair curling behind his ears and a full beard did something to Rafael’s knees.

“I think you should give it a try,” he said, letting go of Sonny’s hair to run his fingers down his jaw. “You look good with a little scruff anyway.”

Sonny smiled at him then resumed his position leaning on Rafael’s stomach. His hair was clean now, and Rafael let the water take the shampoo away, but kept massaging his scalp. 

“This is so relaxing,” Sonny breathed, pressing a soft kiss to Rafael’s belly.

Rafael chuckled. “Are you falling asleep?”

“No, just closing my eyes.”

“I’ve heard that one before.”

“Oh, yeah,” Sonny looked up, resting his chin where his forehead had been. “Have I ever thanked you for that night?”

Rafael smiled at the memory. “You’ve baked enough cannolis.”

“Thank you,” he said softly, pressing a kiss on Rafael’s sternum. “And what about those nightmares you mentioned?”

“I had one two nights ago. But I opened my eyes and you were next to me, so I went right back to sleep.”

Sonny gave him that boyish lopsided smile of his. “That sounds a little sappy, Counselor.” 

“Well,” Rafael shrugged. “Maybe you rubbed off on me.”

“Oh, I did rub off on you,” he said playfully. “All night long.”

Rafael threw his head back with a laugh and it echoed all around them.

Sonny stood up then, towering over Rafael. His breath stuttered involuntaraly as the other man crowded him against the opposite wall of the shower. 

“Let me wash your back,” Sonny said invitingly, and Rafael turned around. Unsurprisingly, he immediately grabbed Rafael’s ass. He seemed to have an obsession with it, but Rafael wasn’t complaining.

Sonny let out a deep groan, and Rafael pushed back against his hands. 

“So, it seems we’ve got another month worth of lockdown ahead of us,” Sonny said conversationally, as if his fingers weren’t tracing Rafael’s cleft with an expert touch that made him lift up on his tippy toes.

“Are you tired of me yet?,” Rafael asked, and to his own ears he sounded a little hoarse.

“Not at all. I can’t get enough of you,” he said without hesitation, hands taking a possessive hold of Rafael’s hips. “But I was thinking I could drop by my apartment to grab some more clothes. Also my video game console if you’re okay with me taking over your TV once in a while.”

Rafael let his head fall back onto Sonny’s shoulders. “I think that can be negotiated.”

Sonny’s hands disappeared and Rafael would have protested, but it returned a moment later. Sonny had lathered his hands with soap and started running them up and down Rafael’s chest. 

“I think you’d like some of the games, to be honest,” he said, mouth just by Rafael’s ears.

He chuckled, but it turned into a gasp when Sonny’s hand reached further down. “I doubt that.”

“I could teach you how to play.” 

“Okay,” he breathed out, melting onto Sonny’s chest.

“And how do you feel about me bringing my guitar?,” Sonny asked, hands returning to scrub his belly.

“You play guitar?” 

“And the ukulele.” 

“Well, I have to see that,” Rafael teased.

“Yeah? You can choose some songs for me to play,” Sonny offered, hands now back on Rafael’s ass and he kneaded the muscles as he soaped it up.

“You’re very persuasive,” he sighed.

“And you’re very accommodating after a night of hanky panky and a nice shower,” Sonny provoked. 

“And this morning,” Rafael argued. “You’re great with your hands and I’m a great negotiator, I’m sure we can work out a couple deals that’ll be mutually beneficial.” 

“Keep talking like that and I’ll never get my hands off of you,” as if to illustrate his point, Sonny squeezed two handfuls of Rafael’s ass.

Rafael bit into his tongue to stop himself from making any noise, then turned back in Sonny’s embrace. Sonny’s skin was flushed pink from the hot water, his hair was glued to his forehead, his eyelashes held tiny little droplets of water that made his eyes sparkle, and Rafael felt his heart skip a beat then go on overdrive.

The hold this man already had on him was unbelievable, but Rafael was more than willing to bask in his attention for as long as Sonny allowed him.

“Is that a promise?,” Rafael asked, looking up at Sonny from under his eyelashes.

“It is,” Sonny whispered in response, tightening his hold on Rafael. “So, what do you say? Should I bring some more stuff?”

He smiled, calm and content. “Yeah,” he brushed his lips against Sonny. “I think you should bring more of your stuff.”

Sonny grinned, big and bright, and it didn’t go away even as Rafael reached up to kiss him. He had no choice but to match Sonny’s smile.


	2. The Second Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Rafael's second month of lockdown includes baking, clothes sharing, kisses, nightmares, conflicts and love. So much love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: mentions of past child-abuse on day 48.
> 
> Once again, this story goes out to barisi nation on twitter. You all have inspired me with your suggestions, ideas, and overall ongoing conversations about these two and how in love they are! A special thank you to Sandra for helping with the spanish in this and to Stella for being the biggest cheerleader ever. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! MWAH

**DAY 32: HAPPY DAY**

The first thing Rafael saw when he opened his eyes was a long expanse of creamy skin. Sonny was standing by the window, looking out at the street as he stretched his arms high above his head. He was only wearing black boxers, a stark contrast to his pale complexion, but it made the view even more pleasing.

The sun was bathing him in yellow light and as he turned his torso from one side to the other, exhaling deeply as he did, Rafael’s mouth went dry. His muscles twisted and tightened at his movements, and his profile looked angelic in that light. The sunshine made his hair look more golden than silver and the soft strands that fell on his forehead gave him a youthful look. 

Rafael laid there, appreciating the sights with a smile on his face, until Sonny relaxed his shoulders and turned to the bed. When their eyes met, Sonny’s sleepy pout stretched into a bright smile. 

“Hi there, gorgeous,” Sonny said, walking towards Rafael in long strides. “Good morning.”

He hummed his reply as Sonny dipped down to kiss him hello, his face warm from the sun. Unable to resist, Rafael held Sonny’s face between his hands, keeping him in place. Sonny climbed into the bed without breaking their kiss, stradling Rafael’s lap and covering his body. 

Rafael melted into the mattress at the warm weight as Sonny pressed him into the pillow, welcoming his presence with a content sigh. 

It was almost embarrassing how quickly Rafael had gotten used to waking up to Sonny, kissing him good morning, feeling Sonny all around him. 

The other man was very generous with his affection, always offering a touch, a caress, a kiss, and everytime Rafael leaned into it with pleasure, accepting everything and anything. He craved this man in a way that felt a lot like desperation, but instead of slowly driving him out of his mind, it filled him with something that could only be described as the purest form of adoration.

So Rafael ran his hands down Sonny’s back in reverence, claiming every inch of skin as something worthy of worship. Sonny shivered over him, moaning into his mouth as Rafael touched him.

When they eventually parted, Rafael nuzzled his nose into Sonny’s cheek, feeling the rough drag of his scruff against his skin. Sonny’s beard project was little more than a dark shadow at the moment, but Rafael was already obsessed with it, and he had beard burns on his thighs to prove it. 

Sonny chuckled softly, holding still as Rafael rubbed their cheeks together. “That feels nice,” he breathed, getting himself a little more comfortable in Rafael’s lap like he had no plans to move from there any time soon. 

Rafael settled his hands on Sonny’s hips, keeping him in place. 

He turned his head and kissed Rafael again, slow and deep, drinking kisses from his mouth like he’d been parched for too long. Rafael let him, opening his mouth and following Sonny’s lead as he coaxed Rafael’s tongue into play. 

Rafael had never been with someone who took so much joy and pleasure out of simply making out, not really trying to turn it into anything else. The past week, Rafael had found himself pinned against walls, against the kitchen counters, and even against the door once, as Sonny devoured his mouth with relentless hunger. 

It was absolutely delicious, and Rafael sighed again, his hands making their way back up Sonny’s back and into his hair. Sonny deepened the kiss then, opening his mouth a little wider and exchanging air as he licked across the roof of Rafael’s mouth. 

He felt a little lightheaded, floating in a space where there was only Sonny and his tongue and teeth and ridiculously plump lips, claiming Rafael’s mouth without shame. 

“You’re going to kill me,” Rafael said between nips and licks, chasing Sonny’s tongue when it ran across his bottom lip before plunging into his mouth again. 

“How do you still taste like toothpaste in the morning?,” Sonny breathed. “That oughta be illegal.”

Rafael didn’t really get to reply, because Sonny kissed him again, a groan accompanying the slick slide of their mouths. 

When his bedside table alarm went off, Rafael jumped in surprise, knocking their teeth together. Sonny broke away with a laugh, eyes sparkling with joy. 

“Saved from death by kissing once again, Mr. Barba,” he joked, then pulled up on his arms to sit up, but Rafael grabbed him by the shoulder before he went too far.

“No,” Rafael certainly did not whine, but it was close enough that it made Sonny laugh again. 

He dipped down for one last toe-curling kiss before he pushed off and away, taking Rafael’s grabby hands in his and kissing his palms before standing up completely. “I’m going for a run, then I was thinking we could have pancakes for breakfast, what do you think?”

Rafael huffed. “Okay, but leave the coffee maker on before you go.”

Sonny smiled at him. “Of course, my lord.”

“Good boy,” he smiled back, pulling the sheets back onto his chest.

Before getting ready to leave, Sonny pressed a kiss on his forehead and another on the tip of his nose, and Rafael bit down hard on his bottom lip. His stomach fluttered, his heart growing way too big in his chest.

They hadn’t given this a name yet, but Rafael couldn’t help but call Sonny his, even if just in his head.

* * *

“Wait,” Sonny said in a gasp, and Rafael stopped as soon as the word was out of his mouth. “I heard a crack.”

Rafael tried to breathe normally, his thighs shaking from how close he’d been. “You know, there’s a perfectly good bed right there.” 

Sonny tightened the hold of his legs around Rafael’s waist and dug his nails on his shoulders. “This is more exciting,” he said with a goofy smile that betrayed the otherwise lustful look in his eyes.

He’d gotten home from his run about half an hour ago, his shirt sticking to his torso and his hair falling on his forehead. Rafael’s reaction to the sight of Sonny sweaty and flushed had been almost violent, and the ripped shirt that now layed destroyed on the floor of Sonny’s once bedroom was proof.

“What’s exciting about it?,” Rafael asked hoarsely, thrusting and picking up speed quickly again, and the cracking of the desk beneath them resumed. “The fact that you could fall and break an arm?”

“Jesus,” he hissed, throwing his head back. “No, the fact that I’ve fantasized about this a million times.”

“You didn’t even know about this desk until a month ago,” Rafael leaned over Sonny, pressing his lips to the man’s long neck because the open invitation was too good to resist.

Sonny let out a series of pants before he was able to form his reply, and something about the way the breath kept getting knocked out of him was extremely enticing. “It was usually your office desk before.”

“Fair enough,” Rafael grinned. “My office desk is much sturdier, though.”

“Yeah?,” Sonny gasped, grunting low in throat as Rafael readjusted his feet and changed his angle. “I think we should test that out some other day.”

“If we survive this one,” Rafael said, a hand snaking its way down to Sonny’s groin as he sped up. He was certain the desk would collapse if they didn’t hurry up.

Rafael held on tighter to Sonny when there was a louder crack and the desk tipped slightly sideways, but it could end up on the floor and he wouldn’t stop, not with the noises Sonny was making, not with the way he was  _ begging  _ Rafael to never stop. 

The heat was almost unbearable, and where Sonny had only been sweaty before he was positively  _ drenched _ now, slipping from Rafael’s hold even as he grabbed him tight enough to bruise. 

He thought maybe Sonny was screaming, or maybe it was Rafael himself, but there was only white light and a violent shudder ran through him as it ended.

Rafael blinked back into focus to find himself on his knees, Sonny sprawled in front of him, panting, arms thrown above his head like the most beautiful offering he had ever seen. He was glistening, a mess of fluids, and a goofy smile spread across his face as he opened his eyes and looked at Rafael.

“We broke the desk,” he said with a chuckle. 

Rafael looked around them to see two out of four legs had snapped in half, and a third was hanging on for dear life, completely bent. Rafael snorted, then Sonny started laughing, loud and happy, and Rafael joined in.

**DAY 35: LEARNING CURVE**

“So, how’s living with Carisi?,” Olivia asked via facetime. She set her phone on her kitchen island and sat back in her seat, glass of wine in hand. 

Rafael did the same, taking a sip of his wine before replying. “Surprisingly easy. And very entertaining.”

“I’m sure he’s keeping you very busy,” she teased with a sly smile. He raised his glass in a mock-toast, and Olivia laughed. “So are you official yet?”

“We haven’t talked about it. It’s barely been two weeks,” he shrugged. “We’re getting to know each other, no pressure.”

“I believe there’s a name for that,” Olivia said. “Friends with benefits.”

“I guess,” Rafael took another sip of wine, considering it. 

They really hadn’t talked about it and Sonny seemed more than comfortable to keep things the way they were. Rafael knew how he felt, he knew that those feelings wouldn’t be going away anytime soon, but he also knew that it was too soon into their new relationship to act too serious about it. 

“I’m just happy to be where we are,” he said eventually, and Olivia’s face softened. “Those first few weeks were torture, Liv.”

Rafael still couldn’t quite believe that he got to touch Sonny whenever he wanted, that he was welcomed in Sonny’s embrace. He couldn’t believe how fast they had gone from respecting each other’s spaces and keeping away to being  _ on  _ each other whenever they wanted to. 

“I can imagine,” she sighed. “But I’m glad you worked it out. You do look happy, Rafa.”

Rafael smiled at her. “How about you and the Chief?”

“You know we only got to go on one date before the world shut down,” Olivia ran a hand through her hair. “But we’ve talked a few times on the phone. He suggested a  _ Zoom _ date.”

“What the hell is that?”

Olivia laughed. “It’s like facetime, but on your computer. He said Mike taught him how to set it up, but I actually think it was Nick’s idea.”

Rafael pulled a face. “I guess that’s what you get for dating the father of your ex’s current boyfriend. It even sounds like a sitcom.”

“It doesn’t bother me, but it is a little weird.”

“It’s very weird, Liv,” he prodded lightly. 

“Not weirder than my closest friend dating the best friend of the son of the man who I’m currently dating who is currently dating my ex.”

Rafael and Olivia stared at each other for a couple beats then burst out laughing at the same time. 

“There is not enough wine in the world to unriddle that one,” Rafael said, refilling his glass.

“Let me, then,” Olivia said, then leaned in closer to the camera. “Tell Sonny to tell Mike to tell Nick to stop telling William how to impress me.”

Rafael paused for dramatic effect, then shook his head. “No, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Rafael!,” Olivia laughed.

Just then Sonny walked into the kitchen, spotting Rafael’s phone propped up on a box of pasta. He’d been playing video games with Nick and Mike in the other room, and Rafael wondered how much he’d heard.

Considering that he’d had headphones on and had been yelling instructions at the other men, he guessed not much, if anything at all.

“Hey, Cap! You’re looking good,” Sonny said, squeezing himself beside Rafael so Olivia could see him. “Real relaxed. How’s Noah?”

Olivia chuckled softly. “Hi, Sonny. I never thought I’d hear ‘Noah’ and ‘relaxed’ in the same breath, but thank you. He’s having a hard time adapting to online classes, but we’re enjoying the quality time together for once.”

“Tell me about it. My niece Mia’s been going crazy with online classes, and she’s 18! I can’t even imagine how that goes for a 8 year old,” he said, sympathetic as ever. “He’s a good little guy, though, I’m sure he’ll adapt soon enough.”

“I hope so. At least once his classes are done for the day he pushes the computer away and wants no more screen time, so we’ve been doing puzzles and he’s gotten really into reading.”

Sonny’s smile doubled. “No way! I never would’ve thought a kid would say no to a computer. Uh, maybe there’s a bright side to all this.”

Olivia looked at Rafael, then back at Sonny and smiled. “Well, I actually think there are  _ two _ .”

Sonny ducked his head, and Rafael could see a blush running up his neck. “Yeah,” he said, looking at Rafael. “I guess we’re really lucky, Cap.”

* * *

Sonny and Rafael were sitting on the floor, one in front of the other, their knees touching. For the last hour, Rafael had been trying to access exactly how he’d be able to help Sonny learn some Spanish. 

The Detective had a good vocabulary already; he knew all the basics, like ‘hi, how are you? I’m okay’, ‘where are you from? I’m from New York’, ‘what do you do? I’m a cop’, and, much to Rafael amusement, he knew how to say that he’d passed the bar and was also a lawyer. The problem, however, was the accent.

Saying that Sonny’s accent was strong was an understatement - the man smoothed the R out of practically every word. Rafael had a weakness for the way he turned ‘Counselor’ into ‘Counsel-ah’, but in the Spanish language, where the R sound was so important and well-used, it was a disaster.

So it’d been an hour of Sonny butchering Rafael’s mother language, but looking utterly adorable in his frustration. 

“Okay, one more time,” Sonny said, leaning in to watch Rafael’s mouth with fixed attention. 

_ “Quiero comer frijoles _ ,” Rafael said slowly, enunciating perfectly.

“ _ Quiero comer frijoles,”  _ he repeated, then winced.

“That was better,” Rafael smiled. “Just try  _ comer _ again.”

“ _ Comer _ .  _ Comer. Comer.” _

He chuckled. “Very good.”

“Yeah?,” Sonny beamed. “How do I ask ‘can I touch you’?”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “ _ Te puedo tocar _ ?”

“ _ Sí _ ,” he smirked. 

Rafael smiled at him, then reached over to rest a hand on Sonny’s cheek. “ _ Eres muy guapo _ .”

He couldn’t help but relish the way Sonny’s cheek pinked up under his hand. “And how do I ask ‘can I kiss you’?”

“ _ Te puedo besar _ ?” 

“ _ Por favor _ ,” Sonny leaned closer, and Rafael met him in the middle to kiss him.

It was a soft and chaste kiss, their lips slotting together with the perfect pressure before they parted. Sonny’s eyes were so soft Rafael almost choked at the adoration radiating off of him.

“ _ Gracias por ayudarme con el Español,”  _ Sonny said slowly, pausing to pronounce all the Rs the way he was supposed to _. “Eres un buen profesor y eres muy guapo también. _ ”

Rafael smiled proudly at him. “ _ De nada. Que tal se ti doy tu premio ahora? _ ”

Sonny’s eyes widened and he licked his lips. “ _ Premio _ ? Does that mean a prize?”

“Yes, a prize,” he smirked and in a second he was on his back, Sonny’s body covering his. There were no words for what came next, neither in English nor Spanish.

**DAY 37: UNSPOKEN NIGHTMARES**

Sonny stirred awake, blinking in the darkness. He was instantly aware of what had woken him up. It was the third night in a row that he’d turned to find Rafael trashing and whining in his sleep, a small, pained thing of a noise that broke Sonny’s heart every time.

He still hadn’t talked about the nightmares, and Sonny had stopped asking, because every time he did, Rafael pulled up a wall between them. It took some work to get him to bring them back down, and it always left a bad taste in Sonny’s mouth. Seeing the man he cared so much for shut him out hurt more than he could put into words.

So Sonny did what he did every night. He waited for Rafael to wake up, confused and anxious in the dark, then he reached for him with a soft touch, grounding him.

“Hey,” Sonny said softly, voice barely above a whisper. “You’re okay. I’m right here.”

“Sonny?,” he reached for Sonny with both hands, pulling him closer. 

“Yeah, it’s me,” he scooted over, snuggling close and wrapping his arms around Rafael. “It’s okay, Raf, go back to sleep.”

Rafael nuzzled his neck, sighed heavily, and fell back asleep. 

It always took Sonny a good half hour to fall asleep again. He laid in the dark, breathing in the smell of Rafael’s shampoo, wondering what he could do to chase Rafael’s demons away.

He couldn’t figure it out, not without Rafael talking to him, and it frustrated him to no end. But eventually he’d fall asleep again, and the next morning Rafael acted like nothing had happened, so Sonny did, too. 

All things considered, there wasn’t a wall there yet, but it felt like every time that happened, every time Rafael shrugged off Sonny’s worries, he was putting one more brick between them. 

And brick by brick would, eventually, also build a wall.

Sonny hoped he’d be able to knock that one down, too.

**DAY 38: IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS**

Rafael had been in the bedroom, scrolling through the Ikea website on his iPad in search for a new desk for his home office. All the ones that went with his style didn’t look sturdy enough, and he made a mental note to enquire who was the maker of the desks at One Hogan Place.

He was well aware that the price point would be astronomical for a good, solid wood desk, but as long as that meant he’d never have to worry about a desk collapsing under him again, he’d consider paying for that luxury.

Sonny walked into the room and stopped halfway inside, hands on his hips.

“Did you tell Olivia we’re  _ fuck buddies _ ?,” Sonny asked.

Rafael chuckled, closing the tabs for the desks he’d already rejected. “I believe the term used was  _ friends with benefits _ .”

“Same difference,” Sonny spat, and Rafael looked up from his screen, alarmed at the cutting tone of his voice to see a deeply hurt look on Sonny’s face. “I thought I meant more than that to you.”

He set the iPad aside, turning on the bed to give the other man his undivided attention. “Sonny, of course you do,” he said placatingly. “She was just joking around because I wasn’t sure what label to use. We haven’t talked about it.”

Sonny crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay. Let’s talk about it.” 

Despite Sonny’s defensive posture, Rafael nodded and waited for him to start. Being vulnerable and open didn’t come naturally to him, so he’d leave it to the other man to set the tone of their conversation. Sonny was much better at it, anyway.

There was silence for a couple beats, then Sonny sighed and dropped his hands to his sides. He approached the bed and sat down. Rafael thought he looked sad.

“I know it’s only been a couple weeks,” he started. “And if these were normal circumstances, this probably wouldn’t bother me so much. But we literally live together, Rafael, we go to bed and wake up together every night. That’s gotta be worth more than friends with benefits.”

Rafael nodded again. “You’re right, and it is.”

“I like you a lot,” Sonny said, reaching over to take Rafael’s hand. “And that’s not going to change if lockdown gets lifted. I just want to feel like this is going somewhere, that it’s not something to pass the time while we wait for things to go back to normal.”

“It’s not just a _ lockdown romance, _ if that’s what you mean,” he said lightly. “What you said that one time, about us going to catch a show after dinner, I want that. If anything, I want things to go back to normal so we can date properly. So I can woo you.”

Sonny smiled softly, dimples flashing at him. “Yeah, I want that,” he said. “I want the Rafael Barba brand of fancy dates and sweet talk.”

Rafael squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry I called us friends with benefits. But what do you want me to call it?”

“Well, I told Mike and Nick that we were dating,” Sonny said, biting into his lower lip. “They’re happy for us.” 

“Okay. So you’re my date,” he smiled. “Even though we can’t go on dates.”

“We could do something,” he tilted his head, thinking. “I brought a suit the last time I went to pick some stuff from my apartment, just in case we got called in suddenly. How about I cook us something real special, you put on a suit, I’ll put on mine, we play some music, light some candles, and you can sweet talk me all night long?”

Rafael kneeled on the bed, breaching the distance between them until he was right in front of Sonny. “Are you asking me on a date, Detective Carisi?”

“Yeah,” Sonny beamed, leaning in to brush their noses together. “We’re doing this completely backwards.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Rafael whispered, then kissed him.

* * *

It all started because Sonny had said he wanted to look good for their date, which they’d decided would be in two days. In the past couple weeks, his hair had grown past his ears, to the point he had a full fringe that fell on his eyes every time he ducked his head. 

He’d grown increasingly annoyed by it, huffing and blowing it away from his face when he was trying to cook, and it even got in the way when he leaned down to kiss Rafael, tickling the ADA and prickling his eyes.

At some point, Sonny had found a rubber band lying around and had taken to tying his fringe back in a way that made him look like a hippie, and it never failed to make Rafael giggle. So he’d put his foot down and decided he was going to cut his hair, except the barber shops and hairdressers were still closed.

So the responsibility fell on Rafael. And thus the nightmare began.

They’d been standing in the bathroom for almost forty minutes now, and Sonny had yet to let Rafael get the scissors anywhere near him. They were both sweating, the Spring heat getting to them quickly as nerves rose and Sonny threw a fit.

“You said you’ve never done this before, Rafael!,” Sonny said, pulling away from the other man once again.

“I’m sorry if I never took time out of my professional life so I could go to beauty school, Sonny!,” Rafael huffed, setting the scissors down again.

“What if you mess up? Then I’ll be bald!”

“You won’t be bald! Jesus, it’ll grow back!”

“But I’ll look like shit for our date!”

Rafael groaned, face-palming. After taking a moment to breathe, he stood in front of Sonny and took his face in his hands, caressing his cheekbones.

“Even if I completely butcher it, there’s no way you’d ever  _ look like shit _ ,” he leaned in and pecked him on the lips. “You’re that gorgeous.”

Sonny’s cheeks turned that pretty shade of pink Rafael had learned to appreciate so much. 

“But you have to trust that I wouldn’t ever risk ruining your hair,” Rafael continued. “I’ve grown very fond of it.”

“Okay,” Sonny said. “But I think it’s best if I turn away from the mirror.” 

Rafael chuckled. “Good idea.”

Sonny turned, keeping a towel around his shoulder. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Rafael ran a hand through his hair, slowly massaging his scalp with the tip of his fingers, then reached for a comb and the scissors.

He started low on Sonny’s head, cutting off the tips that were curling on the nape of his neck. Sonny’s breath hitched at the first few snaps of the scissors, but eventually he relaxed and let Rafael go around him without saying anything. 

Rafael was even more careful when he got to the front, taking some of the length from the top so it’d stop falling on Sonny’s eyes. He went little by little, brushing it down then up again to make sure he hadn't cut too much. He did his best to try and keep the same shape Sonny liked, and when he brushed it back with some water, he was pleased to see he looked just like the Detective Carisi he knew.

Well, if he ignored the beard, which he was not inclined to do. It’d grown a lot and the other man looked so good it pained Rafael. 

“Okay, I think I’m done,” Rafael said, and Sonny turned towards the mirror. 

He stood up, running a hand through his hair as he leaned closer to his reflection, turning his head this and that way to see the sides. Sonny beamed at himself, then looked at Rafael.

“It looks great, Raf!,” he said, and Rafael let out a relieved breath. “You’re really good at this.”

“I’m happy to know I can leave the DA’s office and open a salon once this is all over,” Rafael joked, and Sonny crowded against him with a pout.

“But I’d miss you,” Sonny said.

“I know,” he smirked, and ran his hand through Sonny’s hair. “You look great.” 

“Thanks to you,” Sonny leaned down to kiss him, and there was no hair tickling Rafael’s face now. “Hey, Raf?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re gorgeous, too,” he said, so sweetly, and Rafael smiled.

**DAY 40: HOME DATES**

Sonny tasted the soup one more time before he turned off the burner and put the lid back on, keeping the heat trapped there. He checked his watch and pulled off his apron, grabbing his jacket from the back of a chair and shrugging it on. 

He had two minutes to go, and he used that time to stop by the mirror in the hallway and make sure that his collar, tie and lapels all lined up perfectly. It wasn’t the fanciest suit he owned, but the light grey shade went really well with his eyes and his hair, so he embraced it.

Sonny turned his head from one side to the other, hoping the steam hadn’t ruined his hairstyle, but the pomade had held the way he hoped it would. So with one minute to spare, he walked down the rest of the hallway towards Rafael’s door, took a deep breath, then knocked. 

Sonny had no idea why he felt so nervous, but when Rafael opened the door, it was like he’d been punched in the stomach. He’d grown so accustomed to seeing the other men in casual clothes - and no clothes at all - that he hadn’t been prepared for the earth-shattering effect of Rafael Barba in a three-piece suit. 

It was a dark navy combo with a lilac tie and a pocket square, just quintessential Barba. And Sonny could feel himself swooning.

“Wow,” he breathed, jaw dropping, because he really couldn’t help himself.

Rafael smirked. “Hi.”

“Hi. You look stunning,” Sonny said.

“Thank you,” he reached over to run his fingers down Sonny’s lapel. “You look very handsome as well. These are for you,” Rafael pulled a bouquet of yellow roses flowers from behind his back.

Sonny was once again stunned. “When did you get me flowers?”

“I sneaked out after you went for a jog,” he said, very proud of himself. “I saw these and immediately thought of you, though I know they aren’t as romantic as red roses.”

Sonny mentally kicked himself. He should have thought of that, but there was no way Rafael wouldn’t see him walk in with flowers, so he hoped the surprises he had planned for the evening went over as smoothly.

“These are perfect,” Sonny said, hugging the bouquet close to his chest. “Thank you.”

Rafael looked from his face to the flowers and back up, his face softening a little. “You’re very welcome.”

Sonny felt his face heating up, so he half-turned, placing a hand on Rafael’s lower back. “Shall we?” 

As they stepped into the living room, Sonny heard Rafael’s soft exclamation of surprise, and smiled proudly. The space really looked transformed with candles everywhere and the moody, sultry jazz music that was coming from the speakers Sonny had positioned on the mantelpiece.

There were also candles on the dining table and Sonny had dimmed the lights enough that it created dancing shadows on the red-brick wall as the flames moved. He’d set the table with Rafael’s fanciest plates and the silver cutlery lay on the linen napkins he’d found and folded into simple diamonds.

If he squinted, he could very much argue that they’d be sitting at a corner table in a fancy restaurant instead of Rafael’s dining room, but either way he was pleased with the results and, by the look on Rafael’s face, he was too.

“Here, take a seat,” Sonny said, leading Rafael to the head of the table and pulling the chair out for him. “I’ll put the flowers in a vase and it’ll be our centerpiece for tonight.”

“Everything looks fantastic, Sonny,” Rafael said, taking his seat. “You’ve outdone yourself.”

Sonny waved a hand. “The night is young, sir,” he winked. “I’ll be right back.”

“There’s a vase in the cabinet right above the stove,” Rafael said.

He nodded at Rafael and quickly strode into the kitchen. He’d set everything in a way he wouldn’t leave Rafael alone for too long, but the flowers had been a surprise, and he couldn’t help but pause to admire them for a moment as the vase filled with water. 

Sonny touched the petals delicately, smiling at the gentle scent they gave off. He’d never received flowers from anyone, and the bright yellow was captivating.

The vase started overflowing, so Sonny quickly snapped out of it to dunk some of the water out and unwrap the base of the stems to put them inside. With the vase in one hand and the bottle of wine he’d left airing in the other, Sonny walked back into the dining room.

Once again, Sonny was stunned by the sight of Rafael, now bathed in candle light. 

Trying not to trip on his own feet, he placed the flowers on the table and approached Rafael with a smile, tilting the bottle of wine towards him so he could read the label. “Wine?”

“Yes, please,” he smiled back. “You’re not going to spend all night in the kitchen, right?”

Sonny chuckled. “No, everything’s ready. Let me serve you and I’ll sit down.”

Rafael sipped his wine and offered Sonny a wink as he once again went into the kitchen for the first course. He managed to balance everything and carry it in one trip, but he couldn’t help but feel a little foolish as he walked into the dining room like a circus clown walking on a tightrope. 

“Let me help, Sonny,” Rafael offered, standing up to grab a couple plates himself. “This is why we should all appreciate waiters.”

Sonny let out an embarrassed laugh, finally sitting down. “That I do.”

Rafael set the napkin on his lap, eyeing the food with great interest. “This looks fantastic.”

“I made everything from scratch,” Sonny said. “Well, except for the bread. There wasn’t enough time for the dough to set.”

“I’ll say it again,” he reached for Sonny’s hand and squeezed. “You’ve outdone yourself.”

Sonny swallowed hard. “Well, I hope you like it,” he squeezed Rafael’s hand back. “This is the starter. Tomato soup, my mother’s secret recipe, and garlic bread with goat cheese on the side.”

“Sonny,” Rafael said softly. “Are you nervous?”

He sighed, sinking back into his seat. “A little, yeah.”

“Come here,” he tugged at Sonny’s hand, leaning towards him, and Sonny was eager to meet him in the middle.

In hindsight, this was why Sonny had chosen to sit them diagonally to each other instead of across from each other. This way, he got to reach for Rafael whenever he wanted, but they could still talk without having to turn their necks. 

And Sonny was very glad for the foresight of his sitting arrangements, because he felt Rafael’s hand on his jaw as they kissed, and pressed in a little harder. 

Once they parted, Rafael pulled away with a beautiful smile. “How about now? Feeling better?”

He was feeling a lot of things, that was for sure, but Sonny settled for nodding and serving himself some wine before the two of them could dig in properly. Every appreciative noise Rafael let out set fire to Sonny’s veins, and he almost forgot to eat himself, completely wrapped up in Rafael and how much he enjoyed Sonny’s food. 

“Stop looking at me like that, Sonny,” Rafael said halfway through his meal. 

“Like what?,” he challenged.

“Like I’m supposed to be the main course,” he shot back, and Sonny almost tipped his glass over when he felt Rafael’s foot going around his ankle. 

Sonny bit into his tongue, inhaling deeply. Rafael’s foot continued its way up, and Sonny reached down to grab it before it reached his crotch. 

“I did actually cook a main course, Mr. Barba,” Sonny said firmly, keeping a tight hold of Rafael’s ankle. 

Rafael’s smile was so sly Sonny grunted low in his chest. “I won’t get ahead of myself then,” he said, pulling his foot away. “But I’m very much looking forward to dessert.”

* * *

By the time they did get to dessert, Sonny had come to the conclusion that the suit wasn’t such a great idea. Between the soup, the wine, and the looks Rafael kept throwing him, Sonny was about to melt inside his slacks. 

They’d pushed their plates away, and Rafael was currently leaning closer to Sonny, a cheeky smile on his face as the tips of his fingers kept brushing the inside of Sonny’s wrist.

“So, where did you learn how to cook?,” Rafael asked, such a simple question, but loaded in a way that drove Sonny a little crazy. 

He cleared his throat, trying to keep himself level-headed. Rafael looked so put together, so in control, and Sonny felt like a mess. “My grandparents came into the US, running away from Italy, and with the little money they had, they managed to open a tiny bistro in Staten Island. It did very well, and they eventually expanded it to a full restaurant.”

Rafael smiled softly, attentive. His caress never faltered as he kept listening.

“But my nonna couldn’t keep it going after my nonno passed. She sold it so she could retire,” he said. “It’s still there, under a new name and ownership, but the menu is roughly the same they created all those years ago. I learned everything from her, especially the summer before I went to college. She told me ‘Sunshine, you’ll have to fend for yourself out there, and when you miss home, cook.’”

“She called you Sunshine?,” Rafael asked, his smile turning sweeter. 

Sonny chuckled, ducking his head. “Yeah, it was funny, actually. She never cared to learn that much English, so when my parents started calling me Sonny she thought they were saying  _ sunny _ , and she went with it and started calling me sun, sunny, sunshine, no matter what my parents said about it.”

“I like her,” he said. “She reminds me of my abuelita. Take no shit, no-nonsense ladies.”

“That she was,” he nodded. “Did your abuelita have a nickname for you?”

“A few, but it depended on her mood.  _ Nene _ was for when she wanted to coddle me,  _ geniecito  _ for whenever I had a book under my arm or if I tried to outsmart her, and  _ mocoso  _ for when I was being a troublemaker.”

Sonny laughed. “I definitely see that. A mouthy little Raf getting in trouble.”

“God, I was an asshole. And got my ass kicked for it a couple times,” he snickered. “Then once I got into Harvard, she’d call me  _ leguleyo,  _ someone who works with the law.”

“ _ Leguleyo, _ ” Sonny repeated. “A  _ mocoso leguleyo,  _ is that what you are, Raf?”

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?,” Rafael tutted, but he was holding back his laughter just as much as Sonny. “Can I say, though, sunshine really suits you.”

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Not when I’m 38 years old.” 

“I wouldn’t have guessed, you play videogames like you’re still 15,” he teased, and Sonny rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “No, I see it. Early in the morning when the sun is bright and warm, and you turn and look at me with eyes bluer than the sky. I see it.” 

“Sweet talker,” Sonny muttered, leaning in to kiss him. Rafael returned it tenderly. “You ready for dessert?”

“Are you propositioning me?,” Rafael asked, one hand going around the back of Sonny’s neck as he bit into his lower lip. 

“I actually made dessert,” he said, but let Rafael nip down his jaw into his neck. “But don’t let me stop you.” 

“Can we take off these suits and have dessert in bed?”

Sonny shivered. “Absolutely.”

* * *

They met in the bedroom a few minutes later. Rafael had helped Sonny load the dishwasher, then went to freshen up as he got the dessert out. He still had no idea what it was, but he hoped it was something cold because he was smoldering. 

Sonny set a bowl on the bedside table and approached Rafael in tentative steps. He reached for the buttons of his jacket and undid it, helping him shrug it off.

Rafael watched, particularly pleased, as Sonny took the hanger that was behind the door to hang the jacket, neat and nice. 

Next, Sonny started unbuttoning Rafael’s vest, fingers precise but unhurried.

“Hi,” Rafael breathed between them when Sonny looked at him, still working on his vest. “How was your night?”

Sonny smiled softly. “Pretty great. I went on a date.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

“Ah, he’s gorgeous,” said smile deepened, his dimple showing. “Very charming, a real smooth talker. He’s very smart and educated, and I had a fantastic night with him. What about you?”

“I also went on a date,” Rafael smirked. “He cooked.”

“And was it any good?”

“One of the best meals I’ve ever had,” he said, and Sonny ducked his head. “But he’s even better than that.”

“Better than food?,” Sonny scoffed. “I find that hard to believe.”

He’d reached the last button, and Rafael let it slide down his arms then handed it to Sonny, who folded it carefully and set it on Rafael’s dresser. He pulled off his tie, running the smooth silk between his fingers in appreciation, then started on the buttons of Rafael’s shirt.

“You’ll have to take my word for it,” Rafael said. ”He does this thing where he looks at me with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, and he gives me this endearing, sweet side smile. He’s got the cutest dimples, and he doesn’t even know what it does to me when he tilts his head and smiles at me.”

As if to prove a point, Sonny did exactly that, eyes sparkling with mischief when he tilted his head, looking at Rafael from under his eyelashes. What a flirt. 

Rafael leaned in to brush their noses together. “It was a great night. Thank you for the amazing food, Sonny.”

“I like cooking for you,” Sonny’s breath stuttered as he parted Rafael’s shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. “You’re so gorgeous, Raf.”

“So you keep saying,” Rafael said, feeling awfully smug as Sonny’s hands ran down his naked chest ever so lightly, a reverent touch. 

Rafael took Sonny’s face between his hands; and he was gorgeous too, of course he was, but more than that, Sonny was  _ pretty _ . He had a sweet, kind face, with his innocent big eyes and plush looking lips. In the soft light he looked so young, so naive, but Rafael knew there was nothing guileless about this man.

Sonny had an acute mind, he knew so much more than he let on. He could read Rafael almost too well, he knew when to push and went to stand back, and, no matter how soft his face looked, he knew Sonny didn’t go down easy. He was strong,  _ so  _ strong, and relentless in the face of doing what was right. 

Rafael always thought his own moral compass was the sharpest, until he met Sonny. 

He kept holding Sonny’s face even as the man reached down to open his pants, and he stepped out of them when they fell. Sonny was about to reach for them, probably to fold them nicely the way he’d done with everything else, but Rafael held him in place. He stepped forward, into Sonny’s chest, his naked torso brushing the soft material of Sonny’s suit, and kissed him.

Sonny was generally very handsy, but it felt heightened now that he was still dressed and Rafael was standing in nothing but his black boxers. He gripped, pulled, caressed, hands never stopping. 

Rafael arched against him, throwing his arms around Sonny’s neck as the kiss deepened. He poured all his gratitude into the kiss; gratitude for Sonny and the night they’d had, the  _ month _ they’d had. 

And Sonny let Rafael kiss him, let him control it and lick into his mouth at his heart’s content. 

All the while, Sonny’s hands kept roaming his body with a light touch, until it traveled south and into his boxers, taking a possessive hold of his ass. Rafael wasn’t surprised, Sonny did enjoy his ass a lot it seemed, and he hummed appreciatively as the other man used his grip to pull him closer.

“I see you want your dessert,” Rafael teased, their lips brushing together as they spoke. 

Sonny laughed lightly, pressing soft pecks on Rafael’s mouth. “I brought some chocolate mousse.” 

Rafael hummed again, interested. He pulled Sonny’s suit jacket off, which accompanied a displeased grunt when the Detective had to remove his hands from inside Rafael’s boxers to pull his arms out of the sleeves.

Next it was the tie, the shirt and Sonny’s belt. He wasn’t as careful with Sonny’s clothes and he would have normally been, folding everything in a hurry and setting it next to his on the dresser, but the other man didn’t mind. He took his pants off himself, throwing it next to Rafael’s and pulling him to the bed.

They fell on the mattress in their underwear, Sonny on top of him, dipping down to kiss him open-mouthed and wet. His touches weren’t delicate now, but dominating and demanding, putting Rafael where he wanted him. 

The chocolate mousse was quickly forgotten, and the next morning Rafael found the bowl on the bedside table, the once creamy mousse completely melted. He thought it was a waste of a good dessert, until Sonny dipped a finger in and sucked it, eyes twinkling, suggestive. 

They ended up not getting out of bed.

**DAY 43: DOMESTIC LIFE**

Rafael could hear Sonny talking to his baby niece in the other room. His voice gained a melodic tone to it whenever Sonny interacted with her, and Rafael was oddly charmed. Sonny was good with children, Rafael knew that, he’d seen it himself with Noah and Jesse and every child that ever walked into the squadroom.

It was something that Rafael really admired about him, how easy-going Sonny always was. A part of him wished he could drop some of his reservations, his prickliness, even if only to meet Sonny halfway. 

He was currently working on lunch as Sonny kept his niece entertained while Bella tried to clean the apartment and Tommy put the other baby down for a nap. Rafael had heard from Sonny that Tommy had finally been left off work, but Emilia wasn’t past the terrible twos yet, and the baby was having a hard time sleeping.

So it was Uncle Sonny to the rescue, and he did it gladly. He clearly enjoyed his nieces, they made his face light up every time he got a new picture or video. Rafael had not been surprised to learn that Emilia’s first word had been  _ Sonny _ , because of course it was.

In the kitchen, Rafael lowered the heat to let the rice boil for a good 20 minutes. The chicken was ready to be stirred in, so Rafael took that waiting time to tidy up the mess he’d made. 

That was another thing Rafael admired about Sonny - he was able to cook an entire meal and make the least possible mess. That was quite the talent, especially when Rafael remembered the state of his kitchen when he tried to bake a cake.

He risked a sneaky peek into the dining room, where Sonny was sitting with his computer open in front of him and sheets of paper and coloring pencils. Rafael frowned, well aware that he didn’t own any colored pencils, which meant Sonny had brought them with him.

How was it possible that this man become more and more endearing every single day?, Rafael thought to himself.

“Okay, you show me first,” Sonny said to the screen, then spotted Rafael. He winked at him, offering him a bright smile.

It only lasted a moment, and then Emilia was speaking and Sonny turned back to listen, but it was more than enough for Rafael.

He went back into the kitchen and gave the rice a good stir before adding in the chicken with the peppers and onions, stirring everything together. He put the lid back on and turned off the burner, letting it sit for five more minutes.

Sonny walked in a moment later, holding up a drawing for Rafael to see. “Look! Bella said we should draw our favorite things, so Emilia drew her Barbie doll and I drew my  _ Barba doll _ .”

Rafael couldn’t believe him, he really couldn’t, but he accepted the offered drawing all the same, scoffing as he analyzed it. It was no artistic portrait, but it was surprisingly detailed.

“Funny,” Rafael said flippantingly. “But I’m not a thing.”

“I couldn’t draw your ass, Raf, she’s two,” Sonny joked, crowding him. “Besides, it was a great opportunity for me to tell her about how sometimes boys love other boys and girls love other girls. Next I can tell her about gender non-binary and transgender people.” 

“She’s lucky to have such an educated uncle,” he said, then lifted the drawing. “But what the hell is this tie, Sonny? It doesn’t go with the suit at all. And it’s too wide for this type of lapel and collar.” 

“Excuse me, but I had limited supplies,” Sonny protested.

“It could have made it a black suit and the tie would make sense then, you know that.”

“A black suit is boring! I was trying to keep a two year old entertained for half an hour, Raf, I had to use some pretty colors.”

Rafael gaped at him. “A black suit is  _ boring _ ? Then get out of my way so I can throw out half of my wardrobe, I’d hate to be  _ boring _ .”

“Was that everything you got from what I just said?,” Sonny asked with a chuckle. “Come on, it was a good first attempt. Admit it.”

“Oh yeah, for sure, let’s put it on the fridge,” he said, taking a magnet and handing it to Sonny. “Right in the center.”

Rafael was making fun of him, of course, but Sonny went with it and actually put the drawing in the middle of the fridge, snapping it in place with the loud click of the magnet. He smiled at him, satisfied, then went back to crowding Rafael in that way that made him seem even taller than he was.

“I’m still offended by that green suit,” Rafael said with an exaggerated huff.

Sonny shrugged. “I think you look cute.”

“Did you tell your niece it was me?”

“I did,” he said softly, leaning closer. “I told her you’re very special to me, and she said she wants to meet you, so Bella said that once the lockdown is lifted, we could all get together for lunch.”

Rafael blinked up at him, surprised. “Bella heard?”

Sonny nodded. “The whole thing, and she agreed that it was a great drawing.”

Rafael was taken aback for a moment. Sonny telling Bella meant that it was a matter of time before his other sisters knew, and then his parents. In a matter of hours, Rafael guessed, knowing how fast the Carisi Family Groupchat was, Sonny’s entire family would know about them. Would know that Rafael was  _ special  _ to Sonny.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Part of the SVU squad knowing was one thing, after all, there were disclosure forms to consider, no matter how serious their relationship was - or wasn’t. But telling their families, that was  _ really  _ serious.

Too serious considering they were just  _ dating _ . 

Rafael took a step back, turning back to the oven. He opened the rice to check on it one more time, stirring then setting the lid aside. 

“Well, we both know Bella is biased,” he said offhandedly. “Lunch is ready. Help yourself, I need to… go check my email.”

“What?,” Sonny chuckled, looking amused as Rafael made his escape. 

“You’re on washing dishes duty,” Rafael said over his shoulder. 

That was an unnecessary reminder; their deal was that whoever cooked was free from having to do the dishes, but Rafael didn’t want Sonny to suspect that what he’d said had struck an unpleasant chord in him. Rafael was panicking, and he needed to leave before Sonny saw it written across his body language.

So he forced a smile, looked away from Sonny’s confused head tilt, then left.

* * *

Rafael stirred awake in a jump, shaking off the remnants of his nightmare. He’d seen his father again, getting in Rafael’s face, calling him names, and he couldn’t speak, his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth, he couldn’t defend himself, he couldn’t breathe; Rafael was suffocating, and his father saw it, and laughed. 

Sonny’s voice was coming from the living room, and Rafael let that be the thing that grounded him back into reality. He was in his bedroom, laying in bed with his book resting on his chest, still open. He’d fallen asleep while reading, while waiting for Sonny, and he checked his bedside table clock with a frown.

It was past midnight, and Sonny should have been in bed by now. It was the third night in a row this had happened, and Rafael was growing increasingly more annoyed. 

He set his book aside and got out of bed, padding quietly down the hall and into the living room. Sonny was sitting on the floor, headphones in his ears and controller in hand. 

“Mike, if we lose one more time because you stopped to shield Nick, I swear to God I’m quitting this game,” Sonny said. 

Rafael couldn’t hear Dodds’ reply, but whatever it was made Sonny laugh. Rafael’s irritation only grew. 

He walked up to Sonny and tapped him on the shoulder, and the other man looked up at him with a smile. Rafael pointed at his wrist then made a “wrap it up” motion towards the TV, Sonny chuckled, then nodded.

“Hey guys, it’s getting late. I better go, Raf’s calling me,” he said, then laughed again. “That’s a shitty argument and you know it, Mike. Stop shielding Nick and I might stay a little longer next time, yeah?”

Rafael huffed, walking back to his bedroom as Sonny said his goodnights. 

He got into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. Sonny came in a couple minutes later, smiling that apologetic smile of his as he kneeled on the bed next to Rafael.

“It’s past midnight,” Rafael said curtly. “Again.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said with a pout. “I lost track of time. Mike’s a lousy player and it’s distracting, but also very sweet how he keeps trying to protect Nick.”

“Right,” he sighed. “Sonny, you said the video games were supposed to be a ‘once in a while’ thing. You’ve been playing every night,  _ all  _ night.”

“I’ve been neglecting you, you’re right,” Sonny laid down next to him, throwing an arm over Rafael’s stomach. “I didn’t mean to, but it’s a good distraction. We’ve been in this lockdown thing for six weeks now, and there’s just so many times I can go jogging around the same block before I lose my mind.”

“So you took over the only TV in the apartment and I’m forced to stay alone in the bedroom while you shoot the shit with Amaro and Dodds,” Rafael said, voice flat and tone cold. “Makes sense.”

Sonny shifted, pulling up on his elbow to look at Rafael. “I’m sorry, Rafael,” he said, and he did sound genuine, but Rafael had been in this bedroom for five hours, and through two of those he’d been fighting his father in his dreams, so he wasn’t feeling very sympathetic.

“Apology acknowledged,” Rafael said, then turned on his side and reached for the bedside table lamp.

“How can I make it up to you?,” Sonny asked.

“Try not to monopolize the TV again tomorrow,” he said, then hit the lights.

**DAY 44: LOSING BATTLES**

When Rafael’s alarm went off the next morning, he opened his eyes to find a fresh cup of coffee next to his clock. He immediately felt guilty for the way he treated Sonny the night before, and stood up before even reaching for the coffee. 

He took a few sips as he went down the hall, unsure if Sonny was home or if he’d gone out for his jog. It was the sizzling noise coming from the kitchen that alerted him to Sonny’s presence. The man was flipping an omelet, apron tied around his waist, a permanent frown on his face.

“Good morning,” Rafael said tentatively. “About last night…”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking at Rafael with huge eyes. “I know I was being unfair and selfish, and I’ll do better, I promise.”

Rafael nodded, stepping closer to him. “I know you didn’t mean any harm, Sonny, I accept your apology. And I wanted to apologize, too. You were trying to have a conversation last night and I shut you off, that wasn’t fair either. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t blame you,” Sonny turned off the burner in a quick movement and turned to Rafael, taking the mug out of his hands and setting it on the counter so he could pull Rafael to him. “I know you’ve been having trouble sleeping and I was only making it worse by coming to bed so late.”

“You have every right to a distraction, though,” he said, laying his head on Sonny’s chest. “This isn’t easy on anyone, but if playing games with Nick and Mike helps, you should keep doing it.”

“It does help,” Sonny said into Rafael’s hair. “But not any more than spending time with you, or falling asleep with you. I’ll talk to the guys, try and schedule our games in the afternoon instead of going so late into the night.” 

“Thank you,” Rafael sighed in relief, hugging Sonny around the waist. 

“But what about your nightmares?,” he asked, and Rafael tensed again.

“What about them?” 

“It seems to me that it’s getting worse,” Sonny said calmly, still hugging him tight. “Maybe you could talk to someone.”

“Like Amaro and Dodds?,” he snarled.

“Why do you always do that?,” he asked, frustrated, and took a step back to look Rafael in the eye. “Every time I offer help you try to bite my head off.”

“I don’t need help, Sonny. Please, leave it alone,” Rafael said firmly, pulling away from him. “You don’t have to help everybody.”

Rafael took his mug of coffee, thanked Sonny for it and left him to finish making breakfast alone.

* * *

Sonny was losing Rafael, he knew that. The ADA had been pulling him further and further away every day. He was at a loss. 

Rafael wouldn’t talk to him and got angry whenever Sonny asked. He wasn’t sure whether he’d done something wrong or if it was related to the nightmares Rafael kept having. 

It was personal, probably a trauma that had been triggered due to the current situation - and Sonny could relate to that. He fought every day to try and keep himself stable, and it was exhausting. 

Sonny could only guess that Rafael was losing the fight, and he had no idea what to do, because Rafael wouldn’t talk to him. The man wasn’t sleeping, and he wasn’t eating properly either. 

He probably thought Sonny didn’t notice, but he kept refusing Sonny’s offers to make them some snacks and when he did sit down to eat he’d only push his food around. The last proper meal he’d had was their dinner date. It was concerning. 

No matter what Rafael said, Sonny had to find a way to help him, otherwise he’d lose him.

Sonny didn’t want to lose him.

**DAY 46: RETURNING GIFTS**

“Hey, I was about to call you,” Rafael said when Sonny walked in. “You took longer than usual today.” 

He was sitting on the couch, his back to the door. Sonny rejoiced in that, the hand behind his back hiding a gift for Rafael.

“Yeah, I did an extra lap today, sat in the sun for a while,” Sonny said. “Trying to clear my head.”

“You saw the news, then?,” Rafael asked, concerned. “Another four weeks of lockdown.”

“I did,” he sighed.

Sonny approached Rafael rounding the couch to stand in front of him. Rafael eyes ran down Sonny’s torso and he smirked.

“Is that my shirt?”

“Oh,” Sonny looked down at himself. “Yeah, sorry. I was kinda in a daze, grabbed the first thing I saw.”

“It looks better on you,” Rafael said with a soft smile. “It was a little tight on me, but it fits you nicely.”

“No, pink is definitely your color,” he smiled. “You pull it off way better than me. Besides, I think you look very nice in well-fitted shirts.”

Rafael laughed lightly. “It’s not well-fitted, Sonny, it’s a size too small.”

Sonny shrugged. “So? It’s sexy.”

Rafael’s smirk turned into a wolfish grin. “Thank you,” he looked down again. “And what are you hiding behind your back?”

“A gift,” Sonny grinned. “I felt like I owed you.”

With a flourish, Sonny brought his hand back around and offered the bouquet to Rafael. He’d found them at the bodega around the corner, but it was a gorgeous mix of white and bright purple that was perfectly Rafael.

“It reminded me of you,” he said. “And your gorgeous purple ties.”

Rafael accepted the flowers with a grateful nod, looking down at the petals with a side smile. “Thank you. These are beautiful,” he said. “Does this mean you won’t draw me in bright, horrible green suits with orange ties anymore?”

Sonny laughed, shaking his head amusedly. “I have the right to my creative expression.”

Looking at Rafael now, the flowers close to his face as he admired them, Sonny’s heart ached. He looked so beautiful, so  _ happy _ . Sonny wanted to keep him exactly like this.

“Are you worried?,” Rafael asked, looking up again. “About the new announcement?”

Sonny sighed, his head falling heavily. “I’m not gonna lie to you, it is stressful. I thought we were closer to the end, but now I honestly don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.  _ So many  _ people have died.”

“I know,” he nodded grimly. “But we’re doing our part. The lockdown is for everybody’s safety, not only our own.”

“Yeah, but without a vaccine, what difference does it make? Are we going to stay locked up inside for the rest of the year?,” Sonny asked frustratingly, already feeling a bubble of anxiety consuming him. “I can’t do this for a year, Rafael. I can’t.”

“You thought you couldn’t do it for a month, and here we are a month and a half in,” Rafael said placatingly. 

“I’m not sure how great that’s going,” he threw his hands up in the air. “I feel like I’m back on square one! What is  _ the point  _ of all of this?”

“Surviving,” Rafael said. 

“Surviving,” Sonny repeated, running a hand over his face and letting out a stuttered breath. “It’s gotta be about surviving, because this sure as hell isn’t living.”

“You’re doing well, Sonny. You can do it for another month.”

Sonny looked at Rafael, assessing him. He was holding the flowers in his lap, but his grip was tight, tighter than necessary. Sonny had the realization then that this was what Rafael had been doing the whole time - reassuring  _ him _ , comforting  _ him _ . From the very first day, Rafael had been worrying about Sonny, always turning the attention away from himself.

He’d bottled it all inside, locked it in, pushed Sonny out, all while he went around trying to make Sonny feel comfortable. It wasn’t fair.

“What about you?,” Sonny asked.

“What about me?”

“Are you okay?”

Rafael looked away. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not worried at all about another month of this?,” he challenged. “What about your family?”

“My mother is taking care of my grandmother, I have nothing to worry about,” Rafael shrugged, but it was a jerky movement. 

“No more nightmares, then?”

Sonny saw Rafael’s jaw working for a moment. “I’m fine, Sonny.” 

“No trouble sleeping?”

“I said I’m fine,” he stood up suddenly.

“Rafael, I’m worried about you,” Sonny said, shoulders dropping.

“Don’t be,” Rafael said curtly, then walked past him and went into the kitchen with the flowers.

* * *

Rafael was barred from the kitchen, which was amusing considering he did own it. But Sonny had done that thing where he looked at Rafael from under his lashes and asked him “please?” with a little smile that made his dimple show, so he caved in and promised to stay out of Sonny’s way.

He stayed in the living room, jumping from channel to channel in search of something  _ other _ than the current health crisis going on in the world. He settled on a mindless sitcom and waited for Sonny to reveal whatever secret concoction he was working on.

The past few days had been rough. They’d been butting heads a lot, and Rafael knew that it was mostly his doing. It was a reflex, an old habit that he couldn’t shake off, remnants of his bad childhood experiences that shaped him as an adult.

Whenever someone got too close, Rafael started to show the worst of himself. Rita called it his self-sabotaging instincts, but Rafael saw it as a defense mechanism. And, most times, he didn’t catch himself until it was too late to fix it.

Sonny had been looking like a wounded puppy for most of the day, and Rafael was now waiting for him to lift the kitchen-ban so they could talk. Rafael appreciated his concerns, but he’d have to find a way to convince Sonny that he was doing fine despite having a nightmare here and there.

Sonny didn’t seem to understand how much his presence meant to Rafael, how glad he was to have Sonny around, so Rafael had to tell him.

“Rafael?,” Sonny called, and the ADA got up from the sofa and went to meet him in the kitchen.

The place was pristine, as it always was when Sonny cooked, and on the counter stood a two-layer cake. 

“This is for you,” Sonny said with a small smile. “Strawberries and cream.”

“Wow,” he chuckled. “You really put my one attempt to shame. What is this for, though?”

“It’s an apology. I didn’t mean to push you, Raf,” Sonny said. “I’m sorry.”

“I have to tell you something,” Rafael started, and Sonny suddenly looked twice as nervous. Rafael took Sonny’s hands in his and squeezed. “I’m sorry if I didn’t make myself clear before, but I’m so glad we’re going through this together. I don’t think I could have survived this far without you. And you’re right, maybe this isn’t an ideal way to be living, but it’s not so bad, is it?”

“It’s not bad at all, Raf,” he said with a side smile. “It’s great being here with you. But you know you can talk to me if you need to, right? I won’t judge.”

“Of course,” Rafael smiled back. “Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“Only if you promise you’ll have some cake with me.”

“Bring the whole thing into the living room and we’ll stuff our faces and watch that silly show you like,” Rafael said. “I’ll get the wine. Do you think white wine goes better with strawberry cake or should we stick to red?”

“Raf, Downton Abbey is not  _ silly _ ,” Sonny huffed. “And yeah, definitely white wine.”

“And tell me something, Sonny, is there any more cream left?”

“Yeah, why?”

Rafael smirked. “No reason.”

**DAY 48: HONEST CHATS**

Rafael jolted awake, shaking off the remnants of his nightmare as a weird sense of dejà vú washed over him. He blinked away the fog of his dreams to find himself in a similar position to that from a few nights ago - a book on his chest, the bedside table lamp on, Sonny’s voice coming from the living room.

It was almost midnight, and Rafael scrubbed a hand over his eyes as he sat up with a grunt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a good night’s sleep. His eyelids felt heavy, sore, and he yawned into his hand until his eyes watered.

He stood up, setting his book aside, and walked down to the living room in quick steps, not bothering to be quiet this time. 

“Sonny,” he called, loud enough for the other man to hear him through his headphones. “Turn it off.”

This time, as Sonny said his goodbyes to Dodds and Amaro, contrite and apologetic, Rafael waited in the living room, arms crossed over his chest and a deep scowl on his face.

Sonny turned off the TV and stood up from the floor.

“You said you wouldn’t be playing well into the night anymore,” Rafael said. “It’s midnight.”

“Yeah, sorry, I got distracted,” he sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “But I told you it helps me. I get to pretend things aren’t shit for a couple hours.”

“Pretending things aren’t happening isn’t healthy,” Rafael said sternly. 

“And neither is having nightmares and refusing to talk about it.”

“That’s my business.”

“Well, and my games are my business.”

“Not in  _ my  _ house.”

Sonny squared up, hands on his hips. “Right.”

There was a beat of silence where they stared at each other. Rafael eventually let his arms fall to his sides.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” he said. “You know I want you to feel like this is your home, too.”

“I know, that’s not the problem,” Sonny said calmly. Part of Rafael wished he’d yell. “You won’t open up to me. You never tell me anything, it’s like there’s this huge wall between us.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “It’s not easy for me.”

“It’s not easy for me either, Rafael. Especially when I’m the one waking up in the middle of the night to you tossing and crying out in your sleep.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you--,” Rafael swallowed. “I didn’t think you could hear it.”

“Maybe I should go back to my apartment, give you back your space.” 

“No,” he said urgently, more desperate than he’d like. “Just give me some time, Sonny. Please.” 

There was another beat of silence, and Rafael felt his hands shaking. He couldn’t bear the thought of Sonny leaving now, but he was very much scared that he would - that it was over.

“Okay,” Sonny breathed. “It’s late. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

Rafael knew that Sonny was clearly still hurt because instead of cuddling him like he did every night, he got into bed and pulled the sheets up to his chin, turning away from Rafael and squeezing his eyes shut even before the lights went off. 

Rafael laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling with a mournful scowl. The nightmares always looked the same; it was always his childhood home, he was always stuck  _ somewhere _ in the apartment, and he could hear his father yelling and his mother crying.

Sometimes his father found him, grabbed him by the shirt, shook him, hurt him. Other times, Rafael was forced to stay frozen in place, hearing his mother screaming for help and feeling so helpless. He’d jolt awake and think he was back there, back with his father, and he wanted to yell, but it got stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t breathe for what felt like hours.

It became easier for him to go back to sleep after Sonny started sleeping with him. He’d wrap Rafael in his arms, and he felt so  _ safe _ , so protected, and despite his heart threatening to beat out of his chest, he managed to relax in Sonny’s hold, and the nightmares were just nightmares.

Sonny was so good. He was trying to help, to listen, to care, and Rafael kept saying no. It hurt him, Rafael could see it clear as day, and he had to find a way to fix that. 

He wouldn’t hurt Sonny anymore.

* * *

Rafael didn’t remember falling asleep, but it must have claimed him at some point, because when he next opened his eyes, the room was much brighter. He and Sonny had moved while they slept, naturally drawn to each other, and now Sonny was spooning him, one arm holding him tight as the other served as Rafael’s pillow. 

Rafael closed his eyes and evened out his breathing when he felt Sonny stir awake behind him. He sighed shortly, almost a huff, then tightened his hold on Rafael for a moment. Rafael relished it quietly.

He felt the soft press of a kiss on the nape of his neck, then another on his shoulder as Sonny tried to disentangle himself from him. Rafael pretended to roll away, settling back on his actual pillow, and Sonny got out of bed silently.

The ADA stayed there, still feeling the ghost of Sonny’s embrace as the other man moved around the apartment. He only opened his eyes again when he heard the front door open and close.

The sound of the lock turning was soft, but it felt like a slap across his face. Rafael suddenly had the heart-freezing thought that Sonny had left for good, that last night had been the last straw, and dread filled him so fast he jumped out of bed with a bolt of energy he normally didn’t possess that early in the morning.

Rafael ran into the spare bedroom and pulled the dresser drawers open, breathing a sigh of relief at seeing all of Sonny’s clothes still there. He closed the drawers, looking around the room to see Sonny’s luggage and carry on still on the corner, Sonny’s cellphone on the bed.

The luggage was empty. Sonny wasn’t leaving.

Appeased, Rafael exited the room. 

As he closed the door behind him, calmer than a minute before and back to his senses, Rafael could smell coffee. He padded into the kitchen and made a beeline for it, finding that the coffee maker was on, two mugs sitting beside it. 

For some reason, that show of domesticity tugged at his heart and fortified his determination in making this work.

Rafael filled one of the mugs and went back to his bedroom. He had to find something before Sonny came home.

* * *

Sonny walked into the apartment, his heart beating on his sleeve. He was back earlier than normal, but he hadn’t managed to finish his jogging route. His muscles were tense, taut under his skin, and even trying to stretch it out had hurt.

Rafael had been awake when Sonny got up to leave, he knew. He could tell by his shallow breaths and the soft flutter of his eyelashes, but Rafael had simply turned away from him, pretending to still be asleep.

How many times could either of them apologize before “sorry” became an empty word? 

Sonny had walked around the block aimlessly, searching for a shadowed place he could sit for a while and watch people walk their dogs. The city was eerily quiet, but he could still relish anything that resembled the comforting remains of strangers’ routines. 

But when it was time to walk back home, Sonny felt raw. There was nothing else he could say to make things right, and Sonny couldn’t help but think that this was it. He had to go back to his own apartment, put some distance between himself and Rafael. 

Rafael had asked for some time. Sonny would give it to him. But time was running out.

“Rafael?,” he called out into the apartment. There was music on, a fast, upbeat bossa nova classic. The volume was low, but Sonny could tell it was coming from down the hallway. 

“In the bedroom!,” came the reply, and Sonny padded softly towards the sound. 

He found Rafael sitting on the edge of the bed, a big leatherbound book on his lap. He smiled at Sonny, patting the space beside himself. Sonny approached him and sat down. From up close he noticed that the book was actually a photo album, and he perked up. 

Without a word, Rafael opened the first page and shifted the album closer to Sonny. He distractedly held on to one side of it, his attention already on the pictures. There were two on the first page - one showed a young couple, the woman pregnant, the man standing stoically beside her, the other was a baby laying in a small cot, tiny fist inside his mouth.

“Oh my God, is this you?,” Sonny gasped, leaning closer. “Your eyes were huge, how adorable.”

“ _ Mami _ says everybody used to call me ‘golden boy’ because my eyes were a gold shade of hazel the first few months, but then it changed.”

“They still have some gold to them. In the bright light I can see it,” Sonny said, still wrapped up in the baby Barba in the picture. “And the cheeks, those are some juicy cheeks, I bet you everybody wanted to pinch you and your round little face.”

Rafael chuckled, jostling the album. “Well, thankfully I don’t remember anything about  _ that _ .” 

Sonny schooled his features suddenly, forcing a frown. He wasn’t mad, not really. But he was hurt, no matter how cute Rafael was as a baby, and part of him worried that Rafael was going to keep pushing him away and their relationship wouldn’t evolve in any way. He was still worried he had to leave.

Rafael flipped through a couple more pages. Most pictures were of Rafael at different ages, with Lucia here and there. He stopped at a page where the stoic man was holding little Rafael, not a shadow of a smile to be seen.

“You know that scar I have on my shoulder?,” Rafael started, and Sonny went cold. “It was my father. He was a very cruel man and he took his anger out on me and my mother a lot. To be honest with you, I never knew what he was angry about most of the time.”

Sonny wrapped his arm around Rafael. “Men like that don’t need a reason to be angry.”

“Once he got home really drunk, and he charged at my mother because dinner wasn’t ready yet,” Rafael said, eyes on the picture in his lap. Sonny saw his free hand curl into a tight fist. “There was a pot of boiling water on the stove, and I just remember being  _ terrified.  _ I thought he was going to turn that whole pot on my mother, so I threw myself between them before he could get to her.”

“How old were you?” 

“Eleven, maybe twelve. Of course he was furious,” he scoffed. “His hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t take off his belt, so he grabbed the first thing he could reach. It was the TV antena, and he ripped it right off and hit me. It broke on my back after the second hit, but it was so thin it cut deep and I needed a lot of stitches. I told the nurse I’d been trying to jump over a fence.”

“Oh, Rafael,” Sonny breathed, nuzzling his hair and inhaling. 

“That’s what the nightmares are about, mostly,” Rafael’s breath shook. “About being stuck in that house with him, taking his beatings, seeing him abuse my mother, hearing him call me names. I hadn’t had those dreams in  _ so long _ . Years. I thought I was over everything.”

“Hey, look at me,” Sonny closed the album and pushed it aside, taking Rafael’s hands in his. “You’re so much more of a man than he ever dreamed of being. You got out of there, and you got your mother out, and you dedicate your life to getting others out, too. You’re remarkable, Rafael, and a relapse doesn’t change anything you’ve done.”

“But he’s  _ dead, _ Sonny. He’s been dead for 22 years,” he shook his head. “I thought he’d finally stopped haunting me.” 

“I understand, but what if this isn’t about your father? I mean, far be it from for me to tell you how to feel, but maybe this is the general fear and uncertainty of this pandemic manifesting through another period of great fear for you, but one that you do understand and that you eventually managed to process and move past?”

Rafael looked at him and smirked. “Are you looking to take up psychology after all this is over?”

“Nah, it’s just something that my therapist used to say,” he shrugged. “Anxiety manifests in weird ways.”

“I didn’t know you had a therapist.”

“Not currently,” Sonny sighed. “I was doing pretty well, you know, I’d been stable for a good solid year, but I think I’ll go back after this.” 

Rafael nodded, squeezing his hand. “You said once that you have been having thoughts you hadn’t had in a long time.” 

“Yeah. So that’s what I mean, old thoughts resurfaced for you, too, but in a different way.” 

“I guess you’re right,” Rafael smiled, small and a little sad.

Sonny kissed his temple. “Thank you for telling me about your nightmares. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You help me so much already, Sonny,” he closed his eyes when Sonny’s caressing lips pressed onto his forehead. “But it’s not easy. I hate talking about my father, about what he did to us.”

Sonny kissed down his nose and his cheeks. “I understand. We don’t have to talk about him. But can I see more pictures?” 

Rafael laughed lightly, pecking him tenderly on the lips. “You can,” he pulled the album back into Sonny’s lap. “Thank you, Sonny.”

“Thank you,” he kissed Rafael again. “For explaining and for being honest, even though it was hard for you.”

“I want this to work, I really do,” Rafael said, and Sonny could see the gold in his eyes. “Please don’t let the ghost of my father come between us.”

“He won’t,” Sonny pulled him closer, hugging him tight. “I won’t let him, Raf, you hear me? He won’t.”

Rafael nodded against his shoulder. “He won’t.”

**DAY 52: LIFTING TENSION**

Rafael walked by the door of Sonny’s once bedroom to see him sitting on the bed, head down and holding a rosary. Bead by bead it went through his fingers slowly, reverently.

He stopped on the threshold, watching Sonny. His hair was getting long again, falling over his forehead. Eventually he raised his head and smiled at Rafael.

“Everything okay?,” Rafael asked, walking into the room. 

“Yeah,” Sonny smiled softly. “I was just having a talk with the guy upstairs.”

“Did you ask him to stop banging stuff around?,” Rafael joked. “It’s very loud.”

Sonny chuckled. “You’re real funny,” he reached for Rafael’s hand. “I was asking Him to watch over you.”

Rafael tilted his head, stepping between Sonny’s open legs. “Why?”

“Because I care about you,” he shrugged. 

The fine hairs at the nape of Rafael’s neck stood on end when Sonny reached for his face, rosary hanging from his fingers, and pulled him in for a reverent kiss.

“I asked Him to relieve you of the horrible weight your father put on you,” Sonny whispered.

If it was anyone else, Rafael would have snarled and told them where to stick their prayers. But coming from Sonny, Rafael felt his eyes burn and his throat closed up. 

He might not believe in God, but he believed in Sonny, and he was looking up at him with big blue eyes, and in it Rafael saw devotion. For God, for Rafael himself. 

“I know He’ll listen to you,” Rafael conceded, and leaned in for another kiss. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“No, I’m finished,” he said, putting the rosary down on the bedside table. “I was thinking…”

“Dangerous."

Sonny chuckled. “Yeah, you love my ideas,” he said. “I think we should have a date night every week. We can cook together, watch a movie, cuddle.” 

Rafael smiled softly. “That sounds nice. How about every Friday?” 

“It’s Friday today,” Sonny grinned.

“I know,” he smirked. “What is the required attire?”

Sonny shrugged. “We could play it by ear. When we feel like dressing up, we can light some candles and pop the nice wine, when we don’t, just our underwear will do.”

“I like that. How about we go with the latter tonight? I’m craving some ice cream, we can eat on the couch.” 

“Ice cream isn’t dinner, Raf.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “You sound like my mother.”

“Well, she’s right,” Sonny laughed. “There’s some cold meat on the fridge, I can slap together a cold-cut sub.” 

“God, it’s good to have a live-in chef,” Rafael teased, pressing a kiss to the tip of Sonny’s nose. “That sounds great. I’ll let you pick the movie if you let me have one of your beers.” 

Sonny grinned. “Of course.”

“Aren’t Amaro and Dodds gonna miss you tonight, for your games?”

“Probably,” he joked. “But it’s fine, I told them I wanted to have a couple nights a week just for you. They liked the idea, might even copy it.” 

“A couple nights, uh?,” Rafael said smugly. 

He was no longer bothering Sonny about the video games, and Sonny was no longer staying up into the dark of night playing. He turned it off whenever Rafael said he was going to get ready for bed, and falling asleep in Sonny’s arms had done wonders for his sleep quality, but knowing that Sonny wanted nights for just the two of them made Rafael’s stomach flutter. 

“Yeah, I meant what I said. The games are good for me, but you’re better.”

Rafael pulled a face, good-naturedly. “Sappy.” 

“And proud,” Sonny beamed, and Rafael kissed him again.

* * *

Sonny pressed play in the movie and leaned back onto the couch, opening his arms for Rafael to lay on his chest. They were both down to their underwear, and he knew that soon they’d start sweating where they were touching, but for now he’d enjoy the smell of Rafael’s shampoo and the feel of his beard on his collarbones.

“I can’t believe you’ve never watched Legally Blonde!,” he said. “It’s a classic.”

Rafael chuckled. “A classic what?” 

“Don’t be a snob,” Sonny tickled him on the side and Rafael yelped. “You’ll like it! She goes to Harvard.”

“Ah, good. Can’t wait to see the romanticized version of my own personal years of hard work.” 

Sonny waited with bated breath for the iconic scene where Elle Woods said getting into Harvard wouldn’t be hard. He was curious to see Rafael’s reaction as a Harvard alum himself, but, when it came, it wasn’t what Sonny expected.

Rafael burst out laughing, nodding amusedly. “You know what? I like her,” he declared, shaking with mirth. “This is making me miss my school days.” 

Sonny smiled. “What was the great Rafael Barba like in college?”

“Oh, Jesus,” he chuckled. “An outsider for a long time, until I met Rita.”

“Calhoun, really?,” Sonny turned to look at him with a curious tilt of his head.

Rafael nodded. “I was on a scholarship, so I had to keep my grades very high, but I wanted to prove myself more than anything. I wanted them to respect me, to see me as one of their own even though deep down I knew they never would.” 

“And how did you meet Rita?” 

“We were paired for this mock trial,” he smiled, “and I guess I did prove myself to her, because she invited me out to one of those stupid frathouse parties where the booze is too cheap and the furniture is too expensive.”

Sonny grinned. “I bet you partied hard, didn’t you? How many guys did you hook up with?” 

“Well, Rita kept inviting me out. So we were study buddies during the day and each other’s wingmen at night.” 

Sonny raised an eyebrow at him. “And what kind of guy was Rita Calhoun helping you pull?” 

“The closeted ones. She had a good eye,” Rafael smirked. “It was fun until our senior year. We were living off coffee and adderall, no time or energy for anything else. Rita was a good student, a good partner.”

“But you were better.”

“Of course,” he said smugly. “Top of my class.”

“So you were hot and intelligent,” Sonny hummed, tightening his hold on him. “Good thing we weren’t in the same class, I would have failed so hard.” 

“Flatterer,” Rafael chuckled, looking up at him. “And what about you? You went before the academy, right?”

“Yep. But I was  _ so  _ serious about it, I missed out on a lot,” he tutted. “I was really focused on my classes because I was already planning on going to law school at some point, and I knew I’d need all the push I could get from my college grades and extracurriculars.” 

“Aw, poor nerd Sonny.”

“Funny,” he joked. “I think I only went to the end of semester parties.” 

“I bet people threw themselves at you.” 

Sonny shook his head. “I was just a clueless college boy, I was still figuring stuff out. People flirted, mostly girls, but I didn’t want the distraction.”

“Do you regret it?”

“I got the job I wanted, I passed the bar, and I’m cuddling with the top student of Harvard University,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of Rafael’s head. “I don’t think I’d change anything, but I do wish I’d enjoyed it more.”

“Well, let’s hope Elle has some fun in this,” Rafael said, looking back at the TV. “She deserves better than that horrible boyfriend.”

Sonny nuzzled into Rafael’s hair, which was much longer now, high on the top and curling around his ears. That, paired with the beard and the fact that he was letting grey strands come through, gave him a soft  _ professor _ look that put all of Elle Woods’ professors to shame. 

Much to Sonny’s surprise, Rafael ended up loving the movie, laughing that deep belly laugh during the big courtroom scene in the end and cheering for Elle the whole way through. Maybe he’d found Rafael’s kryptonite: cheesy, funny chick flicks. 

Sonny smiled to himself. If that was the case, they were good on what movies to watch for the next weeks of lockdown.

**DAY 55: HOME COMFORT**

Rafael stepped out of the shower, dripping wet and naked, and Sonny looked him up and down with an appreciative glance and a wink before turning back to the mirror to finish brushing his teeth.

“I knew my hair was going to go grey soon, I accepted that a long time ago,” Sonny said, spitting into the sink and leaning closer to his reflection. “But my beard, too? I’m gonna look like Santa Claus by the time I’m 45.”

Rafael chuckled, but the sound was muffled by the towel he was scrubbing on his face. “Please, Sonny, it’s offensive how good you look with grey hair. Do you know how many people would kill for that color naturally? I know I would.”

“What?,” Sonny mumbled, mouth full of water as he rinsed. “Are you kidding me? Have you seen yourself? Some of your greys are peeking through and I might genuinely lose my mind if you don’t stop getting hotter by the second.”

Rafael’s face emerged from his towel and he wrapped it around his waist, stepping beside Sonny with a satisfied, smug grin. He ran a hand down his chest towards the knot that was holding the towel in place, and Sonny’s eyes followed the motion.

“I think I’m going to start going on walks with you,” Rafael said. “All the pasta and pastries have to go somewhere.”

“You look amazing, Raf,” Sonny said, half-distracted by a naked Rafael standing right beside him. “So amazing.”

Rafael laughed lightly, shaking his head in amusement. “I’m not worried about the extra pounds, but I am very much concerned about the fact that getting all my suits retailored would cost literally hundreds of dollars. Besides, I could do with a little tan.”

“Well, you know I’d love to walk with you,” he said, smiling. 

“I thought you would,” Rafael teased. “I noticed the building across the street has some scaffolding and I could use that to do some pull-ups, too.”

Sonny swallowed, his eyes going from Rafael’s middle to his biceps. “Pull-ups?”

“Yes, some toning is always appreciated,” Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “Sonny, you’re drooling.”

He snapped his mouth shut, running the back of his hand across his chin, but it was dry. “Tease,” Sonny tutted. “You’ll kill me one of these days.”

Rafael smirked, reaching up to kiss him. 

“But what a way to go,” Sonny said between kisses, pulling off Rafael’s towel. 

He ended up having to brush his teeth a second time.

* * *

Sonny had been sitting in bed, waiting for Rafael so they could turn the lights off and go to sleep. Mike was texting him some recipes, asking for advice so he could cook Nick a special dinner. Apparently Nick had pulled an entire Cuban meal for him and now Mike wanted to give back. Sonny was more than happy to help.

**Sonny:** We can go on facetime, I can walk you through it  
**Mike:** I don’t want Nick to hear, though. Can you send me an audio message? I’ll grab my headphones  
**Sonny:** Sure! But spaghetti is something you two can do together, it’s fun!

The balloon that showed Mike was typing popped up, but Sonny was immediately pulled away from it by a shrill, horrified yell coming from the kitchen.

“Sonny!,” Rafael called out, and Sonny tripped as he hurried out of bed. 

He ran down the hallway, hand reaching for his hip in automatic response to the fear of a nearby threat. But he hadn’t brought his gun, Rafael had been strictly against it, so he’d have to improvise.

“Rafael!,” Sonny called for him, bursting into the kitchen to see the ADA sitting on the counter, legs up and arms around his knees. “What happened?”

Rafael pointed a shaking finger to the floor. “A spider!”

Sonny sagged, hand on his heart as the adrenaline pumped through his body and he gasped for breath. “Jesus fucking Christ, Rafael. I thought you were being murdered!”

“I could have been! Look at the size of that thing!,” Rafael said, eyes wide. 

He turned to look at the spider and he would have laughed if his nerves weren’t so shaken. The spider was a tiny little thing with long legs and minuscule body, walking across the floor slowly, blissfully unaware of the scene around itself.

“It’s tiny!,” Sonny said. He grabbed a glass and placed it over the spider. It climbed around the walls, still unbothered. “There.”

Rafael lowered his legs, eyeing the glass suspiciously before he allowed his feet to touch the floor. “Good. Throw it away,” he said, exiting the kitchen in a haste, eyes never leaving the spider.

Sonny started laughing to himself, shoulders shaking as he watched Rafael sprint to the bedroom and close the door. He picked up the glass and went to the closest window. The spider didn’t move, and Sonny tapped the glass until it weaved its web down the side of the building and ran away. 

He shut the window tightly and set the glass down, making his way back to the bedroom with a broad grin. Now that the panic was over, he couldn’t help but giggle at the downright animalistic way Rafael had yelled at the sight of a tiny little spider.

Unsurprisingly, Rafael was sitting up against the headboard, book in hand and turned away from the door, pretending nothing had happened. 

Sonny schooled his face and walked in, pushing the covers away and laying down beside Rafael. He fluffed his pillow, watching the other man staring holes into the page, and settled on the mattress with a happy sigh.

“I never took you for a cheesy romance kinda guy,” Sonny said, the red and pink cover catching his eye. It showed a couple kissing. 

Rafael huffed. “It’s the furthest thing from my reality, so it’s a great source of escapism.”

“Fair,” Sonny said. “Is that what you want, Raf? Some cheesy romance?”

“I think I’m good,” he said, then threw Sonny a look. “You’re sappy enough for the both of us.”

“That’s true,” Sonny poked at his arm. “But you’re a softie too, Rafael, I know you are.”

“Slander,” Rafael said, snapping his book shut and setting it aside. “Tomorrow we need to vacuum and dust the living room.”

Sonny nodded. “Okay.”

“Good night,” Rafael shifted down the bed and reached to turn off the bedside table lamp.

“Good night, Raf,” he said softly, and sighed when the room went dark.

They rearranged themselves, Sonny cuddling up to Rafael and Rafael pulling his pillow closer to Sonny’s. They settled in each other’s arms, and Sonny felt Rafael’s body relax.

“The spider was tiny,” Sonny whispered in the dark.

Rafael pulled away. “Shut up!”

Sonny started laughing again. “You yelled  _ so loud _ .” 

“You’re infuriating,” Rafael grumbled. 

“I thought someone had broken into the apartment,” he said, shaking and wheezing.

“That would’ve been better than having a spider in my kitchen!”

Sonny laughed even harder, pulling Rafael closer again, hugging him tight even as the ADA tried to pull away again in his tantrum. 

“It’s okay, Raf,” Sonny giggled. “I’ll protect you from the horrible, mean spider.”

Rafael huffed, but didn’t say anything else. Sonny fell asleep with a smile on his face and a pouty Rafael in his arms.

**DAY 58: INTIMATE ADVENTURES**

Rafael buried his hand in Sonny’s hair in a slow caress as the other man panted wetly against his shoulder. Sonny’s entire weight had sagged on him, pushing him into the couch, and Rafael loved it. He wasn’t moving, one foot on the floor and the other on the arm of the sofá, which they found provided a delightful step for Sonny to propel off of and throw some more power into his thrusts.

The way Rafael was still shaking through the aftershocks was proof of how much. His muscles had turned into jelly, and when Rafael blinked lights exploded above him. He was panting as well, and he could feel his skin sticking to Sonny’s whenever they stirred. 

“God, that was good,” Sonny mouthed at his neck, voice raspy and dry. “That was  _ so good _ .”

Rafael chuckled at the understatement. “If we keep going like that one of us is bound to sprain a muscle.” 

“Worth it,” Sonny said lightly, then hissed as he shifted and pulled up on his hands. “I need a shower.”

“You need to be hosed down,” Rafael said with a grimace at the sight of the mess he’d made on Sonny’s stomach and chest. 

Sonny laughed, leaning down onto Rafael again, and he made a displeased noise as they got even messier. 

“What? It’s your mess,” Sonny said, cheeky, and sneaked a hand under Rafael’s head to cradle his skull and pull him into a kiss. “You are the best lay I’ve ever had.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Charming.” 

Sonny grinned at him. “What do you want me to say, that you’re amazing at  _ making love _ ? That you’re the  _ sweetest lover _ ? Or that I crave your  _ loving touch  _ more than anybody else’s?”

“Jesus Christ,” he grunted, both exasperated and endeared. “What I  _ want  _ is for you to shut up,” Rafael said, making a fist in Sonny’s hair and pulling down again. 

Sonny moaned, surprised, and Rafael swallowed the sound with hunger. He was trying to be more honest about his feelings, but sometimes Sonny said things that caught him off guard and made Rafael feel too vulnerable, that hit too close to home, and Rafael wasn’t ready to give all that up yet. 

And Sonny using the word  _ love  _ three times was close to home.  _ Too  _ close, and he’d see right through Rafael if the ADA didn’t diverge his intention somehow. Kissing him was the better way to do that, and Sonny let Rafael lick into his mouth freely, coaxing it deeper with a twirl of his tongue, but when they pulled apart and Sonny looked at him, Rafael could swear Sonny just  _ knew _ .

“Hey, Raf?,” Sonny said sweetly, brushing their lips together. 

Rafael hummed in response, trembling when Sonny sucked on his bottom lip. 

“Am I the best you’ve ever had?,” he asked, the words soft against Rafael’s mouth, and he opened his eyes to look at sparkling blue. 

He swallowed hard, choked by the overwhelming emotion that burned in his chest. “Yes,” Rafael started, low, like a secret. “You’re the best I’ve ever had, Sonny,” he said, and Sonny's bright smile was beautiful.

* * *

Sonny was elated, sated and very proud of himself. Rafael had turned into liquid under him the moment he’d towered over him, using his height to cover Rafael’s entire body. So hearing his confirmation about how  _ fantastic  _ they were together made him  _ beam _ , chest puffing out. 

Rafael had been going out on a jog with him every day now, and he’d been serious about the pull-ups. He was looking tan and his biceps were deliciously toned, so naturally Sonny couldn’t keep his hands off of him. He’d grab, pull, bite, at every chance he got, in every corner of the apartment, and Rafael pretended to be annoyed, but he keened and leaned into Sonny every time.

And so it was really no surprise that they’d stumbled from the street and fell onto the couch, pulling masks off and throwing them in whatever direction so they could meet for a hungry kiss. Sonny had barely refrained from ripping Rafael’s shirt down the middle, but his hands had been insatiable, and the fabric being on his way was most inconvenient. 

Now they were even sweatier, but Sonny definitely didn’t mind, dipping down to kiss Rafael again until the ADA pushed him away and sat up.

“I really need a shower,” he hissed, standing up with a grimace and looking down at himself in distaste.

“Can I join you?,” Sonny asked eagerly.

“Only if you keep your hands to yourself,” Rafael said.

“Ah, come on, Raf!,” he whined. 

“You’re a child,” Rafael said with a chuckle, grabbing his hand and pulling Sonny with him. 

Sonny used his free hand to squeeze Rafael’s asscheek as they went, and the ADA threw him a look over his shoulder that was half-amused and half-exasperated. Sonny grinned at him. 

Rafael stopped suddenly on the doorway to the bathroom, and Sonny collided against his back in surprise.

“Sonny, what the hell?,” he gasped, crossing over to the mirror quickly. “You gave me a hickey.” 

Sonny ducked his head, biting into his lower lip. “Not  _ a  _ hickey.”

Rafael turned a little, tilting his head to check his neck and collarbone. “One, two, three…”

“Four, five,” Sonny said, pointing at two on the back of his neck. 

“Are you an animal?,” he asked, glaring at Sonny. “It’s a thousand degrees outside, it’s not like I can wear a turtleneck to hide all this!”

“So? Don’t hide it,” Sonny shrugged. 

“I’m 48 years old, Sonny, how undignified to walk around like I'm a 15 year old boy who just got his first boyfriend,” Rafael tutted, and Sonny couldn’t help but smile at the use of the word  _ boyfriend _ . 

“I think it’s sexy,” Sonny said, stepping up behind him. Rafael, tanned, toned, and with lovebites Sonny had left on him was quite the sight.

“You think everything is sexy,” Rafael huffed.

“No, just you.”

Rafael chuckled. “And my kitchen.”

“Will you let that  _ go?  _ I was overwhelmed, okay?”

“By what?,” Rafael turned in his arms to look at him.

“By you, and the fact that you let me into your space like that,” Sonny said, genuine. 

Rafael smiled softly. “I like having you around.”

“Even though I gave you hickeys?”

He rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated breath. “I guess I can see the appeal, but don’t make it a habit.”

Sonny dipped his head down to kiss a couple of the marks. “I can’t promise anything.”

“You’re a menace,” Rafael said half-heartedly. “And I still need a shower.”

“I’ll help you,” he said, and opened the cabinet to grab a loffa and a couple of Rafael’s favorite shower gels. 

“I want a massage,” Rafael said, starting the shower and adjusting the temperature. 

“Yes, my lord,” Sonny grinned, and grabbed the shower oil as well.

* * *

Rafael was leaning back onto the couch, his computer propped up on the arm of the sofá. Sonny had shown him how to set up a Zoom call, and while he was in the kitchen helping Dodds cook something via Facetime, Rafael was staring at the pixelated face of one Rita Calhoun.

He was very much amused to see that the lagging stream did nothing to prevent Rita’s cutting tone or blur out her annoyed glares.

“So, can you take your yacht out?,” Rafael asked, taking a sip of the one glass of Scotch he’d been nursing during their conversation. Sonny had said they were going to have wine with dinner, and mixing liquors never did him any good. 

Rita waved a dismissive hand across the screen. She had a glass of champagne in the other, because of course she did. “I can if I go alone, but there’s no fun in that, even if I could drive it.”

“Hopefully after all of this is over you can throw one of your parties,” he said. “It always became a little too much there at the end, but I do miss watching the horizon go fuzzy.”

“I’m sure you’re very excited about finally using your plus one invite,” Rita said, casual as only Rita could be. “How’s Detective Carisi?” 

Rafael smirked. Apparently her gossip network was still working wonders. “I thought you’d be more surprised.”

Rita smirked, shaking her head. “It makes sense. He looks like every guy who caught your eye back at Harvard.”

Rafael scoffed. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Yes, he does,” she said, unbothered.

“He does  _ not _ . He looks better than any of them.”

“He’s made you soft,” Rita teased. “Good.”

“What can I say, he’s very persuasive,” Rafael smirked. “And great with his hands--”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” she said, raising a hand. “What does your mother say?”

“She doesn’t know,” he said, then took another sip of his drink so he didn’t have to look at Rita’s wolfish smile.

“Oh, so he’s your little secret?”

Rafael pulled a face. “Hardly. Benson knows, as does Dodds, and Amaro. And half the Carisi family.”

“You think mommy won’t approve?”

“I’m not a college boy anymore, Rita, I don’t care what my mother thinks,” he said pointedly, a master at making half-truths sound genuine. At least to Rita. “But you know how she gets, and it’s still early.”

Rita let out an obnoxiously fake laugh. “Early? Rafael, two months is longer than most of your relationships, don’t kid yourself.”

Rafael bit into his tongue. He didn’t mean it was early for  _ him _ , he’d been fighting his feelings for Sonny for what felt like the better part of a year. It was early  _ for Sonny _ . Even though sometimes Rafael caught a look in his eyes that spoke of something  _ deep _ , it was early, and he needed Sonny to be  _ sure _ before he told his mother. 

“Oh, yeah?,” he raised an eyebrow. “Well, two months is longer than  _ all  _ of  _ your _ relationships, that’s for sure.”

Rita shot him a shark-like grin. “Ah, I hit a nerve. Maybe you should have a talk with your little Detective about this.”

“There’s nothing little about him,” he mumbled into his glass.

“How crude,” she said with a side-eye. 

Rafael shrugged. “You asked for it.”

“It’s cute, how defensive you get,” Rita said, but surprisingly there was no bite to it. “I don’t think I’ve seen that before.”

“I know how  _ you  _ get, too, Rita,” he pointed out. “You don’t get to scrutinize him.  _ You _ don’t get to judge  _ him _ .”

Rita leaned in closer to the camera, trying to scrutinize  _ him _ . “Are you saying your noodle boyfriend is off limits?”

If they were in person, Rita would probably be able to see right through him, so talking to her through a low quality camera sure had its perks.

“Yes,” Rafael hissed. “And don’t call him that.”

“Wow,” she leaned back. “It’s really serious, then. Good for you.”

Rafael squinted at her. “I can’t tell if you’re being genuine.”

Rita placed a hand on her heart. “I am. We’ve been doing this back and forth for far too long, Rafael, and I know I’m getting tired. Aren’t you?”

Rafael looked down at his glass, twirling it in his hand. Everything that was happening outside his window put a lot of things into perspective - about how fleeting things were, and how everything could be taken from him simply because someone chose to be an irresponsible idiot and not wear a mask. 

The idea of  _ time  _ and  _ waiting  _ didn’t make sense.  _ What  _ was he waiting for?

“Yeah,” Rafael said. “I am.”

Rita raised his glass at him, and he did the same. They both drank.

**DAY 60: HOUSEHOLD ROMANCE**

Rafael’s craving for pizza had quickly turned into a cooking class where Sonny was trying to teach him how to make the dough from scratch, not to mention the tomato sauce, that simply could  _ not  _ be store-bought. 

“You said I’m high-maintenance because I match my socks to my underwear,” Rafael said, pointing an accusatory finger at Sonny. “What is  _ this  _ then?,” he asked, waving at the absurd amounts of ingredients on the counter.

Sonny looked scandalized. “ _ This  _ is proper appreciation for food and how it should be made and consumed.”

Rafael had scoffed, but he saw where Sonny was coming from. He definitely understood that; with his suits, while he could buy it off the rack, it would never be as good as a tailor-made one. 

And Sonny was so  _ proficient  _ about how he moved around the kitchen, pulling out a knife and slicing into the tomatoes so fast Rafael couldn’t help but watch him. He did the same with the onion and garlic, and quickly pushed everything from the cutting board into a pan.

Given the fact that Rafael was often alone, he’d never gotten into the habit of cooking. It was too much work and hassle for one single meal for himself, so his kitchen had been a cold, lonely and forgotten space as Rafael prefered to eat out or order in.

But now, with steam swirling in the air, Sonny fully aware of which drawers to open for the utensils he needed, and the two of them working side by side, with different tasks but with the same goal in mind, the kitchen had turned into a cosy, comfortable room where he’d shared memorable moments with Sonny, and continued to do so.

“Did you ever consider going into culinary school?,” Rafael asked, impressed by how quickly Sonny was able to change hands between spoons and pans.

“I did, back in the day,” he smiled. “I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to go into cooking or the police academy.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “Yes, they’re both very similar.”

“You joke, but culinary school is stressful as hell,” Sonny chuckled, throwing a sprinkle of salt into one pan, grinding pepper into another. “My father talked me out of it, though. He liked the idea of having a cop son more than a baker son.”

“A questionable parenting choice,” Rafael teased. “Guns, a failed system, daily threats to your life or delicious, soft, sweet baked goods? What a dilemma.”

Sonny laughed, bumping their hips together. “I’m happy that cooking can be my escape. And well, thanks to the police academy, I met you.”

Rafael smiled, returning his attention to the pizza dough lest he get choked up by the look on Sonny’s face. 

“That’s looking good!,” Sonny said, enthusiastic as ever. “You just gotta stretch it a little more.”

He nodded, turning it to the other side and rolling it more, pushing further at the corners. Rafael might have gone in with too much ambition though because, a moment later, the dough ripped, sticking to the rolling pin.

“I broke it,” he said mournfully.

Sonny quickly turned down all the burners he had on. “Hey, we can patch that up, don’t worry. Give it here.”

He took the pin and pulled off the piece that had broken off, mashing it back into the rest of the dough and kneading it. Sonny tapped it with the pin, then quickly started rolling it out, smooth and even. 

“See? This dough is softer, so you don’t need to push it too much,” Sonny explained. 

Rafael nodded. “Show me again?”

As Sonny had done that one time over a month ago, he positioned himself behind Rafael and grabbed both his hands, setting them on each end of the rolling pin and moving with him, swaying forward to roll the dough nicely.

Rafael relished Sonny’s body so close to his, and he leaned back until his ass locked with Sonny’s groin. The taller man froze then, his breath stuttering by Rafael’s ear, and the ADA smirked wickedly.

“You’re playing dirty, Raf,” Sonny whined.

“The first time we did this,” he pressed back harder, “you got hard, didn’t you? That’s why you had to leave the room.”

Sonny whimpered, a shameful little sound that made Rafael’s smirk broaden. He nodded.

“What is it about dough that turns you on?,” Rafael teased.

“It’s not the dough, Raf,” he breathed, hips grinding tight and smooth. “It’s you, you gotta know it’s you. Every time.”

Rafael felt that overwhelming wave of emotion again, his throat closing up as the words welled up, stumbling onto the tip of his tongue. He bit into it just in time, staving them off. 

But Sonny wasn’t running off this time, and neither would Rafael. 

He turned in Sonny’s arms and pulled him into a biting kiss, flour-covered hands taking his face. Sonny groaned into his mouth, grabbing Rafael around the waist and kissing back just as hard. 

“The sauce,” Sonny breathed, breaking off the kiss with a loud  _ smack _ . 

Rafael laughed lightly. “We wouldn’t want it to burn.” 

Sonny quickly stirred the pans, then looked at Rafael  _ that  _ way again. He looked the way Rafael felt whenever he held back what he really wanted to say, and for a moment he allowed himself to have hope.

* * *

Sonny closed the oven with a cheer, standing beside Rafael to look at their pizzas through the glass. He’d worked on the sauce, Rafael had made the dough, and they had each chosen their preferred toppings. He was convinced this would be the best pizza they’d ever had.

“Okay, now we wait 15 minutes,” he said, turning the timer on the oven. 

“How should we pass the time?,” Rafael asked.

“I have an idea,” Sonny said, and took Rafael’s hand.

He pulled him into the living room, standing behind the couch - they’d need the space. Sonny turned on the speakers and grabbed his phone, pressing play on a playlist he’d found a couple weeks ago. It was all wedding songs for slow first dances, but Rafael didn’t need to know that. 

“May I?,” Sonny asked, grinning, offering Rafael a hand. 

Rafael smiled back. “You may.”

Instead of the classic dancing position, however, Rafael laid his head on Sonny’s shoulder, and in return he sneaked both his hands up Rafael’s back, holding him in place and nuzzling his hair. He breathed in deeply, and they started moving, slowly, a smooth sway.

Rafael wrapped his arms around Sonny’s waist tightly and all his weight rested on Sonny, who kept them moving with the song. He could smell Rafael’s cologne, a scent that he would forever associate with that exact moment where he could feel Rafael’s breath on his neck, his hair brushing Sonny’s chin.

They’d done it. Two whole months of lockdown. 

Somehow, during one of the most tragic, most traumatic times he had ever seen in his 38 years of life, Sonny had managed to find something so  _ special _ that part of him couldn’t help but look up at the ceiling and thank God for the one bright light that helped him through it all. 

After eight weeks of this, Sonny knew for certain that he couldn’t have done it without Rafael. And he couldn’t imagine ever coming out on the other side of lockdown without him, without  _ this _ , Rafael in his arms, their breaths in synch, and nothing else in the world but the momentary peace they’d managed to find in each other. 

“I’m falling in love with you, Rafael,” Sonny said, low and gentle. 

Rafael lifted his head to look at him, green eyes wide and beautiful. He stared at Sonny’s face for a moment, then his worried expression melted away, a smile breaking through. 

“I’ve been in love with you for a very long time” Rafael said, then let out a shaky breath. “It feels good to finally say that.”

Sonny beamed, his eyes misty. “Is it still too early to call you my boyfriend?” 

“No,” Rafael shook his head. 

“So you’re my boyfriend,” Sonny said, face hurting as his smile grew even more. “Officially.”

“I’m your boyfriend,” Rafael placed a hand on his face. “And you’re mine.”

Sonny nodded. “I’m yours.”

Pushing up on his tip-toes, Rafael kissed him. It wasn’t like the kiss in the kitchen, desperate and hungry. This one was tender, and it felt like an agreement. Sonny sighed contentedly and deepened the kiss, but only so Rafael could understand how much Sonny felt for him, how much he meant what he’d said.

Sonny was falling in love, fast and hard. And as Rafael wrapped his arms around his shoulders and kissed him even deeper, Sonny let go completely. 

He was free-falling into something wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first lockdown in New York lasted for 78 days, so the third month would be the last 18 days. Although I have a few ideas for it, it's not clear to me yet how the third chapter is going to be, so I'm not sure when I'm going to start working on that, I can only say that I most definitely will.
> 
> Once again thank you so much to barisi nation! You all have brilliant minds and you helped me every step of the way. Let me know what your favorite part was! I love hearing what you thought were the highlights so I can try and add more of that for the next chapter. Oh, and don't forget to leave a little kudo for the lockdown boyfriends!


	3. The Third Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Rafael's last couple weeks of lockdown are all about telling their parents about their relationship and making their own home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It all started when I asked barisi nation what they'd like to see the boys do in a scenario where they were roommates for the 78 days of lockdown in New York. You all gave me a long list of things you wanted to see - bed sharing, baking and cooking together, sharing clothes, facetiming friends, watching horror movies, cuddling and much more. It was a pleasure compiling all your wishes on a list and trying to add as much as possible in this story. 
> 
> Your daily conversations about this lovely ship keep me inspired, so thank you so much for all your hcs, edits, fancams, theories, and every single reply whenever I tweet "imagine barisi..." MWAH this has been fun! Enjoy the last part!

**DAY 62: DOMESTIC DAY**

Sonny and Rafael walked back into the apartment, both panting after running up the stairs. Sonny had challenged Rafael and they’d raced up to their floor like children trying to win a prize, worked up from their jog and high on the kisses they’d traded under a tree around the corner. 

Rafael won the race, but Sonny would argue that he’d won the prize until the day he died, after all the view of Rafael’s ass running up the steps had been quite the reward. Besides, watching the ADA boast about his win, preening and grinning, wasn’t too bad either. 

“See? Eight miles of legs don’t mean anything if you don’t tone those muscles,” Rafael said, chugging two glasses of water between pants.

“You’re definitely right,” Sonny said with a chuckle, kissing him on the cheek. He took Rafael’s empty glass and refilled it for himself. “How about a veggie stir fry for lunch?”

“Sounds great,” Rafael said, dabbing a paper towel on his forehead. “Make some extra rice and I’ll make us some chicken for tomorrow.”

“You got it, babe,” he said, making finger guns at Rafael.

He laughed, shaking his head amusedly. “I’m putting a load of laundry in while you make lunch.”

“I’ve got some things in the other bathroom, I think.”

Rafael nodded. “I’ll take those.” 

“Thanks,” Sonny said, then pulled Rafael in for a kiss.

He couldn’t quite wrap his head around how good Rafael looked all the time. The tan plus the beard were driving Sonny a little crazy, that without even mentioning how absurdly attractive it was to watch him do pull ups using the scaffolding across the street. Rafael had a very strong core and immaculate control, and he could pull his own weight up without trembling.

It was rightfully doing a number on Sonny’s sanity, and he got his hands on his boyfriend every chance he got. Rafael would huff whenever he noticed Sonny ogling him, rolling his eyes when the Detective tried to cop a feel, but the little upturn on the corner of his lips told Sonny a whole other story.

Rafael knew how good he looked, and he knew what he did to Sonny. In fact, he relished it, showing off, walking around the apartment shirtless and unbothered. 

Sonny would watch him, speechless, and he could see Rafael counting down how long it’d take Sonny to break and  _ pounce _ . Thankfully, for the both of them, it was never too long.

Sonny was completely wrapped around Rafael’s finger and they were both okay with that.

“Don’t start getting handsy, love” Rafael warned him when Sonny’s hands gripped his biceps. 

“Why not?,” he mumbled in response, pulling back to look at the muscles. 

“Because we’ll get sidetracked, and there’s stuff to be done.”

Sonny gave him a side-grin. “Yeah, there is.”

“Stop,” Rafael chuckled, then pecked Sonny on the lips and stepped back. “Be a good boy and get lunch ready for me, okay?”

“Okay, my lord,” Sonny said, playing up the coy and innocent act. 

Rafael smacked him playfully on the butt when Sonny turned, and the Detective threw his boyfriend a wink over his shoulder as they each went to opposite sides of the apartment.

At some point, Sonny heard jazz music playing from the speakers. He smiled, knowing that Rafael would be dancing to it while loading the washing machine. Just to prove himself right, Sonny went after him to check.

Rafael was standing in front of the machine, throwing clothes in as he swayed to the music. His rhythm was perfect and he never missed a step, and as Rafael twirled around Sonny grabbed his hand and joined him for a dance, ending with a dramatic dip and Rafael’s loud, happy laugh as the song changed.

* * *

Rafael looked up from his book when Sonny came into the room. He’d retired to the bedroom about twenty minutes ago, bidding Mike and Nick a goodnight from Sonny’s microphone before pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. 

Sonny had smiled sweetly up at him, and promised to join Rafael soon. 

“Mike and Nick already know that when you say goodnight I’m gonna log out soon,” Sonny said with a little smirk. 

Rafael chuckled. “Were they making fun of you?”

“The word  _ whipped _ was used a couple times,” Sonny shrugged. “It’s not like they’re any better.”

“I have it on good authority that they’re way worse,” he joked. “Don’t they have each other’s selfies as their screensavers?”

“They do, but I think it’s sweet,” Sonny grabbed his phone from the bedside table. “And now I want a picture of you.”

Rafael turned away. “Sonny, no!”

“Come on, baby,” he kneeled on the bed, shifting closer to Rafael and trying to pull him back. “I want to look at your gorgeous face all the time.”

“You already do,” Rafael huffed, but turned back to him. “Let’s take it together.”

Sonny beamed, laying next to him and opening his arms to Rafael. “Come here, I want a cuddly one.”

Rafael protested the entire time, but he set his book aside and settled on Sonny’s chest, their heads side by side as Sonny held his phone and framed them both. 

“Say  _ cheese _ , babe,” Sonny said, then opened a smile so bright his eyes went all squinty.

“Sonny’s cheesy,” Rafael said instead, but smiled just as big. 

Sonny took a couple pictures then turned his phone horizontally and stuck his tongue out, making Rafael laugh. The last one came out a little blurry, but it was still a good picture. 

“We look really sweet together,” Sonny said, swiping between pictures. Rafael was not at all surprised when he chose the one where he’d stuck his tongue out to make his lock screen saver, but it really was a sweet picture.

“Send me those,” Rafael asked. 

Sonny nodded. “I’ll send one to Mike and Nick.”

“Do you  _ want  _ them to make fun of us?”

“It’s all good-natured, Raf,” he said, then sent Rafael all the pictures before choosing the first one to send to Dodds and Amaro.

A reply came in a second later. Nick wrote  _ ‘whipped’  _ on caps lock, and Mike sent a selfie of the two of them, Mike smiling up to the camera and Nick looking at him, all fond eyes and tiny smile. 

Rafael laughed at the picture. “I think Amaro owns the patent on  _ whipped _ .”

Sonny laughed along with him, then replied exactly what Rafael had said. The respose was a rude flipping-the-bird emoji from Nick and laughing emojis from Mike. After that, Sonny sat his phone aside, and Rafael didn’t move from his position in Sonny’s arms.

“You know how my sisters kinda know about us but not really?,” Sonny said tentatively.

Rafael nodded. “They know we’re dating, but not that it’s official.”

“Yeah. I want to tell them it’s official,” Sonny said. “And I want to tell my parents, too.”

He had seen this coming from miles away. Sonny was close to his family, there weren’t any secrets between them. Rafael wasn’t  _ trying  _ to keep their relationship a secret, but in a way he liked that it was something for the two of them to cherish just for themselves for a while.

Rafael was surprised, however, to find that he didn’t mind it so much if their families knew.

“Okay,” Rafael said. “I’ll tell  _ mami  _ and  _ abuelita _ , too.”

“Really?,” Sonny all but squealed. “We could set up a Facetime call with them, tell them together, what do you think?”

“Sounds good,” Rafael nodded. “ _ Abuelita _ likes Facetime. She gets to see the whole family, even the ones in Cuba.”

“That’s nice,” he said softly, kissing behind Rafael’s ears. “Thank you, babe.”

Rafael hummed his approval, leaning into Sonny for another kiss before reaching for his book again.

“What have we got tonight?,” Sonny asked, trying to see the cover of the book.

Rafael turned it to him. “It’s about a magical, traveling circus. A little slow, but it’s nice.”

“Can you read for me?”

“Of course,” Rafael smiled. “But you’re going to fall asleep, don’t you want to lay down?”

Sonny shook his head. “I’m not gonna fall asleep.”

“Right, we’ll see.”

“But speaking of sleep,” Sonny started, “how have you been sleeping? What about your nightmares?”

“Don’t say I told you so, but talking about it helped,” Rafael sighed. “I haven’t had any since. Or at least I don’t remember it.”

“Really? That’s great,” Sonny pressed a kiss to Rafael’s temple. “I won’t say I told you so. But I did.”

Rafael huffed, elbowing him in the ribs lightly. “Smartass.”

Sonny squeezed his arms around Rafael. “I’m glad you’re not having any more nightmares, babe. But if you do, you can talk to me.”

“I know,” Rafael said, turning to him with a smile. “Thank you.”

Sonny pecked him on the lips before relaxing back on the pillows. “Now I wanna hear your voice.”

Rafael shook his head amusedly at him, but settled onto Sonny’s chest and started reading. He tried to make different voices and accents for each character, but there were many, and at one point they started getting blurred. 

Much like Rafael had predicted, Sonny fell asleep 20 minutes in, his head resting on top of Rafael’s. He tried to shift the both of them so that Sonny was more comfortable, but the man had a tight grip on Rafael, and he only managed to move Sonny’s head towards the pillow.

He glanced at the clock, then went back to reading. He could finish the chapter before calling it a night, and Sonny’s soft snoring was the only white noise he needed. 

A moment later, however, Rafael heard Sonny calling softly for him.

“What?,” Rafael replied. “I thought you were asleep.”

When no reply came, Rafael looked at him to find that Sonny was, in fact, still sleeping. He smiled, weirdly pleased at the idea of Sonny dreaming about him.

“Raf,” he said again, then sighed. “Baby.”

“Yeah?,” Rafael replied softly, trying not to wake him.

Sonny sighed again. “Pretty.”

Rafael’s smile grew. “So are you.”

“Arms,” he mumbled, and Rafael had to quickly cover his mouth with his hand lest he burst out laughing. “Raf.”

“I’m here,” Rafael said, biting into his lower lip.

Sonny smiled a little, then shifted and settled again, going back to snoring. He didn’t say anything else, so Rafael guessed he was done for the night. He set his book on the bedside table and turned the lamp off, pulling the covers over both of them and letting Sonny’s soft snores and sighs lull him to sleep.

**DAY 64: PARTNER CHOICES**

Rafael looked up from his computer when he heard the key on the lock, then a moment later Sonny walked in quietly, shooting him an apologetic look before padding softly into the kitchen and closing the door.

His level of irritation concerning the dragging of his meeting went up a tick or two then. Sonny was sweaty and warm from the sun and Rafael was missing out on it because  _ someone  _ couldn’t wrap this Zoom meeting up. 

“For now that’s all the information we have, but the health department is scheduled to come into the office and the courthouse tomorrow,” the Chief of department was saying. “I’ll email you all the new requirements, but they’ll be going into everyone’s offices.” 

That made the others erupt into a shower of protests, and Rafael made sure to keep his face impassive. Everyone had been quiet during the meeting, only a couple questions were raised, so Rafael couldn’t even begin to imagine what these people likely kept in their offices that made them feel so strongly about that particular detail. 

The Chief tried her best to appease everyone, saying it was only a formality to ensure they could follow the safety protocols while receiving visitors in their offices, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to go back to work.

Once the group was safely assured that their drawers and cabinets wouldn’t be prodded at, there was a round of thank yous and goodbyes, and Rafael quickly exited the meeting to go and meet Sonny.

The other man was putting some groceries away when Rafael walked in.

“Hey! You look really nice,” Sonny said, looking him up and down. ”I got that salted caramel ice cream you like.”

“Thank you. I’m melting in this shirt,” he said, pulling his tie off.

“How was your meeting?”

“Annoying,” Rafael huffed. “A lot of new protocols. It looks like we’re really going back in two weeks.”

Sonny looked alarmed. “They say anything about tests?”

“Yes, we’re all getting tested on our first day, then temperature checks every morning,” he said, stepping closer to Sonny. “I think it might be the same for you.” 

Sonny took his hands. “I’m not ready to go back.”

“I thought you’d be happy to have some normality again.”

“I like what we’ve got going on here,” he smiled. “Besides, I’ve been thinking. Do you think I should make the switch?”

Rafael was surprised, but tried not to look shocked. “You mean into the DA’s office?”

“Yeah,” Sonny shrugged. “I know this might be the worst time in history to consider a career change, but I had so much time to think and I feel like I’m ready. I think I should take a chance and actually use my degree.”

Rafael nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“Really?,” Sonny said, eyebrows going up.

“Of course. If not for purely selfish reasons because I’d have someone to share the grunt of the work with me, for you, too,” he said softly. “You’re a talented lawyer, Sonny, and I know how much you enjoy the law.”

Sonny ducked his head. “You really think so?”

“Do you have any idea how valuable it would be to have a former Detective walking those halls?,” Rafael chuckled. “With your training, experience and brains, you’ll go so far so fast. Your track record is pristine, you’ve always been by the book, you have a great rapport with other cops and with your superior officers. Besides, all the paralegals love you already.” 

“Well, I guess I’d have to talk to Liv.” 

Rafael squeezed his hands. “Let me make some calls first, test the waters, see about openings.” 

“You pulling strings for me, Raf?,” Sonny asked with a cheeky grin.

Rafael smiled at him. He’d pull the stars out of the sky if Sonny asked, he thought, but didn’t say. Instead, he reached for Sonny’s face, caressing his cheekbone with the pad of his thumb before leaning in for a kiss. 

“I’m going to have to start reviewing cases,” Rafael said when they parted, “which means it’s time to replace the desk you destroyed.”

“ _ I _ destroyed it?,” Sonny laughed. “That’s not how I remember it.”

“It was your ass on the desk,” he teased.

Sonny’s eyelids dropped. “And it was your dick in my ass.”

Rafael almost choked, but caught himself in time and cleared his throat. “Okay, I see your point.”

Sonny smirked, nosing along Rafael’s jawline. “I’ll help you build it, baby.” 

“How kind,” Rafael sighed, tilting his head to the side. 

“Are you wearing a different cologne?,” Sonny mouthed into his neck.

“It’s the one I normally wear for work. I thought it’d help to have a regular ‘get ready for work’ routine before the meeting.”

“It just took me right back to court days with you,” he inhaled deeply. “It’s so good.”

“Olfactory memory,” Rafael said, feeling smug. “I didn’t know you were paying attention.”

“Always have,” Sonny mumbled, nipping at the curve of Rafael’s jaw. “Did they like your beard?”

“There were no comments on that, but Maliki was looking at me weird,” he said. ADA Maliki had asked Rafael for dinner a couple times before, but Rafael had said no thank you.

Sonny chuckled. “He’s always looking at you.”

“I don’t care,” he said, closing his eyes as Sonny proceeded to mark his neck. 

“You like being ogled,” Sonny prodded.

“Only when the ogling is reciprocated.”

“Liar,” he said lightly, and Rafael tickled his side. “Hey!”

“That was rude,” Rafael said.

Sonny pulled away to look at him with a dimpled smile. “Why else would you go around in bright pink or bright yellow ties if not for people to look at you?” 

Rafael didn’t reply, and Sonny’s small smile turned sharper as they stood there in silence. It was true that he didn’t mind being admired and looked at, his clothes reflected that. But being  _ ogled _ wasn’t something Rafael recognized until Sonny. 

Sonny was shameless in his desire, both verbally and physically. He would never have guessed that such a pretty, good Catholic boy would be able to string together the amount of filthy that escaped Sonny’s lips when they were together.

But he also caught the looks Sonny threw him around the house, scathing and appreciative. ADA Maliki might be interested in him in some way or another, but he didn’t  _ want  _ him the way Sonny did. 

And Rafael didn’t need him to, especially not when Sonny was looking at him like he was the best thing he’d ever laid eyes on. Rafael preened.

“I like fashion,” Rafael eventually said. “And I don’t mind a little attention.”

Sonny grinned, reaching for his belt. “I can give you some attention.”

Rafael never doubted that, but he certainly wouldn’t stop Sonny from showing him.

* * *

Later that day, Sonny and Rafael sat on the couch side by side while scrolling through the Ikea website. Rafael had put Legally Blonde on the background, and Sonny was very endeared by how that had become his go-to movie. They’d watched others like Clueless and Miss Congeniality, and while Rafael enjoyed it, Legally Blonde was still his favorite.

Sonny was going to show him Devil Wears Prada next, and he was convinced that the fashion and Meryl Streep’s acting would take Reese Witherspoon off of her pedestal.

“I think this one is big enough,” Rafael said. “There’s space for your laptop, too.”

“The dark wood looks really nice, but you know this Ikea stuff isn’t the most sturdy,” Sonny argued, clicking through the pictures.

“I’ve used their dressers for years and never had a problem.”

“Well, I’ll bet you’ve never had a grown adult on top of it,” Sonny muttered.

Rafael laughed. “You know that’s what beds are for, right?”

“Spoilsport,” he joked, pouting.

Rafael pecked him on the lips. “So since I’m going to have to pay the absurd delivery rate anyway, is there anything else we should get?”

“How about a french press and a milk frother? I could make us some real nice cappuccinos.”

“Say no more,” he said, typing the products on the search bar and adding them to their cart.

“Oh, and maybe one of those phone stands?,” Sonny suggested. “We’re always Facetiming people nowadays, it’d be helpful.”

“No more precariously leaning our phones on things,” Rafael nodded, adding two to the cart.

They also chose two extra pillows and a throw for the couch, a lamp for Sonny’s side of the bed, matching mugs and towels. Sonny silently enjoyed buying house things with Rafael - the ADA wanted his opinion on everything, and they made every decision together. 

Even though he knew all these things were Rafael’s and nothing would find its way to Sonny’s own apartment, he allowed himself the fantasy.

Sonny let himself think that it was for  _ them _ , for their home, and even went as far as pulling out his credit card when Rafael went to checkout, but his boyfriend quickly shut that idea down with a simple glare. This time, however, Sonny didn’t argue. Nothing was really for  _ him _ , anyway, he’d only be using them temporarily.

That idea made him incredibly sad, and he felt himself going into a mental spiral of self-doubt. 

They were official now, actual boyfriends in an actual relationship, and that wasn’t going to change even when lockdown was lifted. But he knew that being apart would require an active effort to be made in order to be together - dinner dates, making time for each other, spending quality moments together, like  _ this _ now.

But Sonny wasn’t a fool, he’d seen the type of hours Rafael pulled in the office, and he knew how his job stretched into the early hours of morning, not to mention the undercover assignments that pulled him under for weeks at a time. Would they know how to deal with that?

“Order placed,” Rafael said, smiling. 

Sonny hoped they’d learn, the same way they’d learned to be in each other’s spaces all the time but still respect each other’s boundaries. 

“Hey, are you okay?,” Rafael asked, frowning. Sonny’s face must have shown his distress. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he shook himself off. “My mind went off wondering.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Sonny shrugged. “I was just thinking about how things are going to change when we go back to work.”

Rafael tilted his head. “Change how?”

“We’ll be busy,” he sighed. “Tired, frustrated about cases, angry at perps. Not to mention all the undercover jobs.”

“I understand what you mean, cariño,” Rafael took Sonny’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “But I can’t lie, the idea of having a gruesome day then getting to spend time with you at night makes it sound a little more bearable.”

Sonny smiled, leaning in to kiss him. “Now look who’s sappy.”

Rafael waved him off. “Besides, we’d been spending a lot of time together before everything shut down anyway. I don’t think that’s going to change, it’ll just have a different meaning.”

“And what’s that?”

“Well, instead of two coworkers sitting in an office going through statements and chains of evidence, it’ll be two boyfriends having a dinner break and chatting about their day.”

“That sounds nice,” he nodded. “And in this scenario, do we get to make out a little during our break, too?”

Rafael laughed. “I guess we could.”

“Then I think it’ll be great,” Sonny smiled. “Thank you, babe.”

He leaned in to kiss Rafael again, deeper this time. The ADA buried his hand in Sonny’s hair, and he sighed at the nice caress of his fingers on his scalp. Rafael had learned all his weak spots, and he knew just how to get to them and make Sonny tremble in his arms.

Sonny wanted to give himself to this man, fully and thoroughly, but his heart was two steps ahead of him as it tripped and fell into Rafael’s very capable and caring hands.

**DAY 66: RELATIONSHIP TALKS**

Talking to Sonny’s sisters used to be easy, nothing more than passing conversations with quick how are yous and easy politeness. That had changed the moment Sonny told them they were officially dating.

The quick conversations turned into long, drawn-out attempts to get Rafael to talk about his personal life, asking about his family and plans for the future, as well as offering anecdotes about the Carisi family and, most importantly, Sonny. 

The other man tried to steer the conversation elsewhere, but the Carisi sisters were relentless. They wanted to know that Rafael came from a good family, that he wouldn’t mistreat their brother, but that kind of talk was too bothersome to have over the phone.

Theresa had been easier, in a way. Being the eldest, Theresa and Rafael were closer in age, and she had a no-nonsense approach to meeting him that he appreciated. Gina had been funny to an extent, mostly because she was trying to get a rise out of Sonny by asking the most invasive questions. 

The Detective had bloomed 5 shades of red.

Bella, however, had been a whole other story. Rafael had thought she’d be the easiest, given that she’d already met him and that she’d known that Sonny had feelings for Rafael before Rafael himself knew. But apparently that didn’t excuse him from the overbearing overprotectiveness, and she’d berated him over the phone for almost an hour.

Sonny himself had gotten exasperated by it, but Rafael answered all her questions as well as he could, avoiding all mentions of his father. 

Afterwards, Tommy came on the phone and apologized on his wife’s behalf, saying she worried about her brother a lot. He welcomed Rafael to the family and told him to call whenever he needed, even if he just to vent about the Carisis.

In a way, Rafael felt like he was on trial, defending himself in front of the prosecution, which, in this case, were the Carisi sisters. He hoped that experience would prepare him to meet Sonny’s parents over Zoom, which had been Sonny’s idea, much to Rafael’s chagrin.

“I just don’t know why you thought this would be the best way to do it after how it went with your sisters,” Rafael protested, but took his seat beside Sonny in front of his computer.

“What do you mean? My sisters adore you,” Sonny said, all smiley. “Gina is kinda obsessed with you, and Theresa said we make  _ perfect sense _ .”

Rafael nodded. “And Bella?”

“Well, Bella’s a little stubborn, but she likes you, and so does Tommy.”

“I think Tommy pities me,” he chuckled.

Sonny laughed. “They gave Tommy a hard time at first. And so did I, to be honest. So I think he’s sympathizing.”

“I hope your parents do too,” he sighed, smoothing down his tie. 

“Baby,” Sonny wrapped an arm around him. “Are you nervous?”

Rafael looked away. “I’m not good at meeting the parents. Parents don’t normally… approve.” 

“Raf, look at me,” Sonny said softly, nudging him closer. “I don’t need my parents ‘approval’ for anything, I just want them to meet you.” 

“Are you honestly telling me it would make no difference to you if your parents said they don’t think you should be with me?”

Sonny frowned. “Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.”

“Sonny, please,” Rafael scoffed. “We both know how important family is to you.” 

“I know I paint a certain picture of my family, but I don’t follow them blindly, Rafael,” he said. “I’m capable of making my own decisions and I don’t need them to tell me if I’m right or not.” 

“I know that, I do,” Rafael nodded. “But I don’t want to be a problem between you and your parents, either. I know the kind of resentment that causes.” 

He’d seen it before, when sacrifices turned into blame games and guilt tripping. In the end, family always won, for better or worse.

“We’ll cross that bridge  _ if _ we get to it, okay?,” Sonny said, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I know they’re gonna be just as obsessed with you, believe me.” 

When Mr. and Mrs. Carisi’s faces filled the computer screen, the two of them plus Sonny got very loud, cheering and squealing and getting the small talk out of the way before they turned to Rafael with excited smiles. Sonny looked like the exact mix of the two of them - he had his father’s hair and his mother’s eyes, his father’s easy smile and his mother’s dimples.

“Ma, Pop, this is Rafael Barba,” Sonny announced, all grand and proud. “My boyfriend.” 

“Hello, Rafael!,” Mrs. Carisi said. “Sonny has told us so much about you!”

“Really, he won’t shut up about you,” Mr. Carisi added with a light laugh.

“And we mean even before this lockdown business,” Mrs. Carisi continued. “It was always ADA Barba did this, ADA Barba did that.”

“ADA Barba is a genius, he got the jury eating in his hand,” Mr. Carisi said, mimicking Sonny’s voice. “He’s your biggest fan.”

Sonny had his face in his hand, but Rafael could see the blush spreading down his neck as he groaned in embarrassment.

“Ma, Pop, please,” he hissed. “I’m sure Rafael already knows how much I admire him.”

“No, please, continue,” Rafael teased.

The Carisis laughed, waving Sonny off. 

“It’s great to finally meet you, Rafael,” Dom Sr. said. “Thank you for taking Sonny in during these uncertain times.”

“He’s great company,” Rafael said with a smile. “And a great cook.”

“Oh, that he is! He learned from his grandma,” Mrs. Carisi said excitedly. “I have an entire photo album of little Sonny covered in flour and cake batter from all his solo attempts.”

“I have to see that,” Rafael said.

“We had to renovate the kitchen twice,” Mr. Carisi added. “He ruined the ceiling one time.”

“It was worth it. He definitely knows his way around a kitchen now,” Rafael looked at his boyfriend. He was still blushing. “But it’s been my pleasure having him here. I couldn’t have survived this without his help.”

“Ah, come on,” Sonny ducked his head.

“Your son is the most caring, kind man I have ever met,” Rafael said directly at Sonny’s parents. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve his affections, but I cherish it.”

Mrs. Carisi beamed at him. “From what Sonny has told us, you’ve done a lot of good work, so it’s no surprise that he’s so infatuated.”

“Rafael’s remarkable,” Sonny said, leaning in to press a kiss on his cheek. 

Rafael would have bristled at such an open display of affection before, but with Sonny everything felt different. He smiled at his boyfriend, leaning closer and pressing their arms together.

“Oh, you two are precious,” Mrs. Carisi said in a high-pitched voice. 

“Ma, don’t you dare cry right now,” Sonny said amusedly. 

“I’m happy for you, Sonny,” she said, sniffing. 

“Me, too,” Mr. Carisi said, caressing his wife’s back. “We had a couple drinks after lunch, don’t mind your mother.”

Mrs. Carisi swatted at his arm with an indignant tut. Rafael laughed, and Sonny wrapped an arm around him. The rest of the call went like that, the Carisis sharing anecdotes about Sonny and Rafael singing him praises until Mrs. Carisi teared up again. 

The three Carisis together were so high-energy that when the call ended Rafael felt tired, but relieved.

“That was easier than I thought it would be,” he said.

Sonny grinned. “See? I’m pretty sure Theresa’s many divorces and Gina’s disastrous relationships desintetized them to the ‘meeting the boyfriend’ expectations.” 

Rafael hummed in agreement. “They seem genuinely happy for you.”

“They are,” Sonny said. “And they like you.”

“Well, apparently you’ve been selling it for a very long time,” Rafael teased. 

“Can you blame me?,” he shrugged. “You’re always been an amazing ADA and an incredible person.”

“Flatterer,” Rafael smiled, then pulled him in for a quick kiss. “I hope you know my family isn’t going to be as easy.”

Sonny smiled back at him. “Bring it on.”

* * *

Sonny and Lucia’s meeting happened later that same day, but it was much more casual. It was Rafael’s idea, he claimed it was better to rip off the band-aid and go for it without giving his mother time to prepare her harsher comments. 

“It’s time for dinner prep, which means  _ mami  _ will be busy in the kitchen and won’t want to talk much,” Rafael was saying, “and  _ abuelita  _ will be in the living room watching her  _ telenovelas _ .”

Sonny nodded. “I thought we were going to talk to both of them.”

“Not at the same time.”

Truth be told, Sonny’s hands were sweating so badly he could barely keep a hold on Rafael’s phone, so he leaned it on a packet of flour on the kitchen island and waited for the call to connect. 

Rafael was standing beside him, and he was as fidgety as Sonny.

“ _ Mijo _ ?,” Lucia called, squinting at the screen until she spotted Rafael. “ _ Qué pasa _ ?”

“ _ Hola, Mami, _ ” he greeted. “This is Sonny, he wanted to ask you something.”

“Sonny?,” Lucia repeated, looking at him in confusion. “Your coworker?”

Sonny grimaced reflexively, then tried to play it off with a cough. 

“Not exactly,” Rafael said quickly. “He wants to make some  _ pastelitos _ and I know you have a great recipe.”

Lucia leaned closer to the screen. “Why?”

“Well, I’m Italian, and I feel like I’m always pushing my recipes on Rafael,” Sonny said, the way he and Rafael had planned. “I thought it’d be nice to do something for him, you know, from his heritage.”

“That is nice,” she said, squinting. “What do you want with my son?”

Sonny felt his face start to heat up. “Ms. Barba, I care about Rafael very much, and my only intention is to make him happy.” 

“Is that right?,” Lucia said, then looked at Rafael. What followed was a rapid string of Spanish that Sonny couldn’t quite follow, but Lucia sounded somewhat displeased.

Rafael replied calmly, and Sonny did recognize the word that meant  _ boyfriend _ , which made Lucia’s frown instantly melt away and her voice became softer. Sonny let the two of them have a moment before speaking again. 

“Ms. Barba, Rafael is an incredible man, and I’m very much looking forward to meeting you in person as soon as possible so I can get to know the women who raised him,” Sonny said with a small smile. 

Lucia nodded, waving a hand. “Okay. Do you have a pen?” 

Sonny scrambled to find a pen and paper, then quickly wrote down all the ingredients and instructions as Lucia spoke without pause. 

“Thank you, Ms. Barba. I hope I can do it justice,” Sonny said. 

“As soon as this lockdown situation is over I’m coming over for dinner,” Lucia said sharply. “And the two of you are going to answer some questions.” 

Sonny swallowed. “Yes, of course,” he forced a smile. “I’m an open book!” 

“Thank you,  _ mami _ ,” Rafael said, sighing at something else Lucia muttered in Spanish before they said their goodbyes and ended the call.

“I have no idea if that went well or not,” Sonny said, hands still sweating.

“It did,” Rafael said. “My strategy worked.”

Sonny nodded. “Does she always put the fear of God into your boyfriends?”

“Yes,” Rafael chuckled. “She says if they can’t handle her they’ll never be able to handle me.” 

“I don’t  _ handle  _ you,” he frowned. 

“I know, my love, which is why I knew this was the best way to go for now. We’ll have dinner some other day and she’ll get to know you and she’ll know, too.” 

“I’m not even gonna pretend I understand your family dynamics,” he pulled Rafael into a hug. “But I’m glad she knows you’ve got someone taking care of you.” 

He felt Rafael smile against his neck. “She said the same. Well, not in so many words, but it had a similar sentiment.” 

“Yeah?,” Sonny nuzzled his hair. “What else did she say?”

“She said she wasn’t surprised because I looked very happy when I told her you were coming to spend lockdown here with me,” he said, and Sonny hugged him tighter.

“That’s very sweet,” Sonny smiled. “She loves you a lot.”

“I know she does,” Rafael looked up at him. “But I wish she’d make things easier sometimes.”

Sonny shrugged. “I don’t blame her for giving men who want to be in your life a hard time. You’re her only son, after all.”

“No sisters to soften the blow,” Rafael teased.

Sonny laughed. “Exactly.”

Rafael pecked him softly on the lips. “Are you ready to talk to abuelita?”

“I am,” he squared up. “Let’s do this.”

When Catalina picked up, Sonny could immediately hear the television, but the only thing they could see was a close-up of her ear.

“Abuelita, it’s a video call!,” Rafael said, amused. “Move your phone away.”

There was some grumbling and shuffling, then Catalina’s face showed up.

“There you are,” Rafael smiled. “Can you see us?”

“ _ Sí, sí _ .  _ Hola _ !” she smiled. “Who’s that with you?”

Rafael pulled Sonny closer. “This is Sonny. My boyfriend.”

“Oh, Rafi!,” she smiled, a hand on her chest. “He’s so handsome. _ El tiene ojos muy gentiles _ .”

Sonny looked at Rafael. “Something about my eyes?”

Rafael nodded. “She said you have kind eyes.  _ Abuelita _ , Sonny doesn’t know a lot of Spanish.”

“ _ Rafael me ha estado enseñando, pero Rs son complicados _ ,” Sonny tried, biting into his lower lip.

Catalina laughed, delighted. “You’re doing very well, Sonny. None of his boyfriends ever cared to learn.”

“ _ Abuelita _ .”

“What? It’s true. They never deserved you, Rafi, you were too smart for them.”

Sonny laughed lightly. “She’s right.”

“What do you do, Sonny?”

“I’m a Detective with Manhattan’s SVU,” Sonny said.

“And also a lawyer,” Rafael quickly added. “He passed the bar on his first try while keeping a full-time job.”

Sonny’s face burned, but he looked at Rafael with a grateful smile.

“Oh, really? He’s smart like you, Rafi,” Catalina said. “I like him.”

Rafael laughed. “Just like that?”

“He looks at you like you’ve hung the moon and all the night stars yourself. How could I not like him?”

Sonny ducked his head. “Thank you, Ms. Diaz. I care about your grandson very much, and I’m looking forward to meeting you in person.”

“Are you taking good care of him?”

“I’m trying my best,” he nodded.

“He does,  _ abuelita _ ,” Rafael added. “He’s making  _ pastelitos  _ for me.” 

“Good for you, Sonny,” Catalina grinned. “My mother used to say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

Sonny laughed. “My nonna said the same.” 

“She was right. Treat him well, Sonny, Rafi is too hard on himself, he needs someone to remind him of what’s really important in life.” 

“I will,” Sonny smiled. “It was great to meet you, Ms. Diaz.”

“Call me Catalina,” she said softly. “I hope to see you again soon.”

“Me, too,” Sonny beamed. “Goodbye.”

“ _ Te amo _ , Rafi.”

“ _ Y yo a ti, abuelita. _ Bye,” he said, then ended the call.

“She’s lovely,” Sonny said. “I see a lot of both of them in you, you know. Your mother’s fierceness and your grandmother’s upfrontness.” 

Rafael smiled. “Well, they raised me. I’m just trying to make them proud.”

“They are, I could see it clear as day,” Sonny hugged him again. “Thank you for letting me talk to them.”

“Thank you for being so sweet to them, I know  _ mami  _ isn’t easy.”

“She’s great. She’s a strong, no-nonsense woman, and I really like that.” 

Rafael sighed dramatically. “You’re gonna be their favorite in no time.” 

“I wouldn’t be mad at that,” he winked. “It was an honor to meet them.”

“Come here,” Rafael said and pulled him in for a long kiss.

* * *

The _pastelitos_ came out amazing, and Sonny was over the moon. They were cuddling on the couch, Rafael still licking his fingers clean from the guava filling, and Sonny had put that wedding songs playlist on again. 

He felt like something had shifted, become somewhat deeper, because there was no more secret relationship or undefined labels. Sonny and Rafael now came as one single unit, and everybody in their lives knew. 

“Your grandmother mentioned your ex-boyfriends,” Sonny started, because that was the one thing they hadn’t discussed yet. “Should we talk about our past relationships?”

Rafael snorted. “I should have known you’d bring this up.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he said, pressing a kiss on the top of his head. 

“No, it’s fine,” Rafael waved a hand. “But you start.”

Sonny got more comfortable on the couch, wrapping an arm around Rafael’s stomach. He hadn’t had many relationships, but he’d try and offer all the important details, for honesty’s sake.

“My first serious relationship was with a girl named Daniella. She was latina, most of her family lived in Mexico. We met at the academy, had the same career goals and she got along really well with my sisters, I think because she was about as loud as them. She was great” he said fondly. “But around our first anniversary she got a job offer in California. It would really fast-track her career, not to mention the salary bump, so she left. That was my very first heartbreak.”

“Aw, poor young Sonny,” Rafael teased, and Sonny tutted at him.

“I almost went after her, but I couldn’t imagine leaving New York. Daniella used to say that, being a child of immigrant parents, she had a hard time feeling like she  _ belonged _ anywhere, so it was easy for her to go from place to place. A part of me hoped she’d feel like she belonged  _ with me _ , but I see now that was stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Rafael said. “It’s sweet.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he shrugged. “But I guessed I should hold on to the place where I felt like I belonged, so I stayed here and that was it for a while. Then I met Sebastian when I started working in Brooklyn, but that one was doomed from the start because my sisters  _ hated  _ him.”

“Why?”

“He was a little arrogant about his fancy tech job, and because his family kicked him out when he told them he was gay, he didn’t care much for my family,” Sonny said mourningfully. Sebastian wasn’t a bad person, and it had broken his heart to see how his family had hurt him. “He tried to keep me away from them, afraid that they’d turn me against him somehow. I really cared for him. He was a great guy underneath all that hurt, and for a while I thought he was right.”

Rafael looked up at him. “About your family?”

Sonny nodded. “I thought they wouldn’t accept him. I should have known better.”

“From what I’ve seen? Yes, but I don’t blame him for being scared.”

“I didn’t either. But I wasn’t going to simply ditch my family, and he didn’t like that, so he broke up with me.” 

“Well, his loss,” Rafael huffed.

“You’re biased,” he kissed the top of his head again. ”And then there was Taylor. I was still dating them when I joined Manhattan SVU. They were really great, and I really did think they were the one, you know what I mean? We had the same values, they had such an idealistic mind, it was inspiring. They were a journalist, and that was part of our demise.”

Rafael grimaced. “Did they want exclusive intel on cases for publishing?”

“In a way. On one hand, I couldn’t talk about my job to them because they got incredibly upset about the sensitive subjects. On the other hand, whenever it involved high profile people, or a big network that got dismantled, they wanted all the details,” Sonny sighed. “There was a lot of conflict in the end, so we decided to part ways.”

"Amicably?"

“They still follow me on Instagram, so I’d say there are no hard feelings,” Sonny chuckled. “Now’s your turn.”

“I’ve only had two serious relationships, but as I told you, I had my fun at Harvard,” Rafael smirked.

“And I’ve told you that doesn’t surprise me,” Sonny teased. “Hot and smart guy at Harvard, I’d try my luck, too.”

“Flatterer. But I’ll jump over those days and get to the relationships that meant something,” Rafael said, then cleared his throat. “The first one I thought I’d hit the jackpot. He was a doctor. Educated, worldly, charming.  _ Abuelita  _ didn’t like him much, but I thought it was because he was the first man I ever took home. Things were great. He spoiled me rotten with clothes, tickets to shows, expensive dinners.”

Sonny nodded along. “But something happened.”

“He cheated on me,” Rafael said curtly. 

“What?,” he growled. 

“Multiple times, with multiple people.”

“ _ What?,”  _ Sonny could feel an unfamiliar rage bubbling up, but Rafael didn’t seem to be hurt by it anymore.

“Throughout our entire relationship, the nights he wasn’t with me, he was with his other lovers. When I confronted him, he said that he cared for me very much, he said I was so special, but he didn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship. So that was the end of that.”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry,” he tightened his arm around him.

“I’m not. I was angry about the deception for a long time, but then I met Robert. He was an ADA in Queens, I was in Brooklyn at the time. I was hesitant at first. The thing with the doctor still hurt, and I wasn’t sure if dating another ADA would be a good idea, but Robert had a way with words and he managed to convince me to go to dinner with him.”

“Lucky guy,” Sonny whispered, and Rafael shushed him.

“For two years, things were great. I was looking to make the move to Manhattan when Robert got an offer that, according to him, he couldn’t refuse. He started working for a defense firm, and I could look the other way at first because he mostly handled embezzlement cases, money laundering, fraud, some petty crimes. He said he believed every one of his clients were innocent, and that he always avoided muddied cases where he’d have to bend the truth to win.”

“It sounds like that didn’t last very long,” Sonny could already predict what was coming next.

Rafael nodded. “About six months in, he got called into a serial rapist case. I begged him to pass it, but he took the case. When I asked if he thought the guy was innocent, he swore to me he was, that he had solid evidence and an alibi. I believed him, but the guy broke on the stand and confessed to 5 rapes in the Queens area alone. I couldn’t bear to look at Robert after that. I packed my bags and left that night. ” 

“So when your grandmother said you were smarter than your exes, she was telling the truth,” Sonny said, trying to lighten the mood. “They didn’t deserve you, Raf. You know that, right?”

“I guess I do now,” he shrugged. “Since you came along.”

Sonny smiled. “I know the bar is very, very low, but I’m happy that we’re here now. I like to think that those bad experiences made us better for each other.”

“I admire your optimism,” Rafael joked. “That’s a nice thought. At the end of the day, we were going to end up at the same place either way.” 

“Both single, both wiser.”

“I guess it taught me to recognize a good thing when I saw it,” he said, looking up at Sonny with a soft smile.

And wasn’t that a lovely sight for such a lovely sentiment?

**DAY 68: PET NAMES**

“You jaywalked!,” Sonny said, slamming the door shut behind him.

Rafael huffed, waving him off. “No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did, Rafael. I saw you!”

“There were no cars in the street, Sonny.”

“That doesn’t matter! You know jaywalking is a punishable offense,  _ Counselor _ .” 

“So what?,” Rafael asked, half-exasperated and half-amused. “Are you going to give me a fine?”

“I could,” Sonny said, hands on his hips. “I may be off duty but I’m still a police officer.”

“Then fine me!”

“Rafael, that is not the point! Do you know how dangerous jaywalking is? That law exists to protect  _ you _ , you can’t just risk it because you didn’t see a car. What if someone came speeding? They’d hit you.”

He looked away. “I was careful.”

“No, you weren’t. Careful would be using the crosswalk,” he raised both hands in a placating motion and let out a loud sigh. “I’m being completely serious here. Don’t do that again.”

“Sweetheart, I swear I was paying attention,” Rafael tried, but Sonny only glared at him. “Okay. Alright. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” 

“Thank you,” Sonny pulled Rafael into a hug, peppering his face with kisses. “You called me sweetheart.”

“I was trying it out. Do you not like it?”

“I do,” Sonny smiled. “It’s sweet.” 

“You only ever call me babe,” Rafael grumbled. “Or baby.”

“Yeah well, because you’re my baby.”

“Gross,” he pulled a face, pushing Sonny away. “We’re grown men, Sonny.”

Sonny shrugged. “I’ll stop if you don’t like it.”

“It’s just that it sounds a little… juvenile.” 

“Okay,” he nodded. “I’ll try something else.”

“Thank you,” Rafael smiled. “Do you have a preference?”

“Not really,” he considered it. “You always get this really sweet look on your face when you call me ‘my love’, though. I like that.” 

Rafael stepped into his arms again. “I like calling you my love.”

Sonny grinned. “I think you like the ‘my’ part.” 

“So?”

“I like it, too,” he whispered by Rafael’s ear.

* * *

“Honey, how do you want your meatballs?,” Sonny asked, walking into the living room with an apron on and a tea towel over his shoulder. “There’s bread, but I could make some pasta.”

Rafael scowled, looking up from his iPad. He was tracking their Ikea order, which surprisingly was not late yet.

“I’d prefer some pasta,” Rafael said.

“Okay,” Sonny nodded, considering him. “Why did you make that face when I called you honey?”

Rafael mumbled under his breath, hoping Sonny would pretend to hear him and drop the subject. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but he knew he brought it upon himself. 

“What was that?,” Sonny stepped closer.

“I like it better when you call me baby,” he huffed.

Sonny’s grin was so bright it would be annoying if Rafael didn’t adore the sight so much. “Oh yeah? You like being my baby?”

“Stop!,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “We’re not teenagers.”

“I think you like it,” Sonny kneeled in front of him, tickling his sides until Rafael convulsed. “You’re my baby, Raf.” 

“I’m almost 50 years old!,” he wheezed.

Sonny stopped tickling him and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. “It’s not about your age, it’s about how I feel about you.” 

“I’m not sure I buy that,” Rafael narrowed his eyes.

Sonny chuckled. “When you call me love, or sweetheart, or cariño, does that have to do with our ages?”

“No.”

“Exactly. You’re just showing your affection for me,” he said, taking Rafael’s hands. “I’m trying to do the same. You said you didn’t like baby, so I thought honey would be nice.”

“Because I’m so sweet?,” Rafael teased.

“When you want to be,” Sonny said, no hesitation. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Raf, but I like calling you baby.” 

Rafael huffed, giving him an exaggerated eye-roll. “Fine, if you like it so much.” 

Sonny beamed, pulling him closer. “Come here, baby,” he pecked Rafael on the lips sweetly and stood up. “I’ve got the meatballs simmering in the oven.” 

“Thank you, my love,” Rafael said with a smile, and Sonny leaned down to kiss him again.

“You are very welcome, baby.” 

**DAY 69: BED TIME**

Rafael was having an out of body experience, he was sure of that. He felt a heat consuming him from the inside out, coming from his very pores. Sonny was a furnace behind him, his hands grabbing and pulling and feeling every muscle tense and relax as he moved in a smooth, deep grind that made Rafael’s toes curl. 

He reached behind himself, grabbing Sonny’s hip and holding tight, forcing him to stop moving altogether. Sonny exhaled sharply, laying his naked chest onto Rafael’s back so he could speak into his ear.

“Are you holding it for me, baby?,” Sonny asked, panting. 

Rafael nodded, swallowing hard a couple of times to try and get some moisture in his throat. 

“God. You’re so good to me,” Sonny all but growled. “So  _ perfect _ .”

“Big,” Rafael whimpered.

Sonny hummed. “And you take it so well. You were made for me, Raf.”

Rafael let out a long, shaky sigh. His muscles were trembling, he was sweaty, and his groin  _ hurt  _ from holding on for so long, but he wanted to go a little longer. He wanted to feel Sonny a little more, a little deeper. 

“You’re squeezing me,” Sonny groaned. “Gonna kill me, baby.”

He swallowed again. “Move,” he gasped.

Sonny immediately obeyed, but this time his rhythm built like a crescendo that burned Rafael like he’d just been lit on fire. He held on for as long as he could, biting into his tongue so the pain would distract him from how unbelievably good Sonny made him feel. 

Rafael focused on the sharp sting and on how Sonny was moving, his own body responding to every touch and every thrust. They moved together, and Rafael felt completely numb. He couldn’t feel his hands or his legs, and once he stopped chewing on his tongue an unbearable heat took over his face, too.

He gasped Sonny’s name in desperation, knowing it’d all be over in a couple seconds. He wanted Sonny right there with him, so he grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and intertwined their fingers, bringing it to his mouth. He yelled into it, he  _ screamed _ in the hopes that all this pleasure wouldn’t kill them both.

When Rafael blinked his eyes open, he was flat on his back and Sonny was leaning over him with a worried frown on his face. He let out a relieved sigh when their eyes met, smiling sheepishly.

“I think you passed out,” Sonny said. 

“Goddamnit,” he melted into the sheets, his skin prickling all over. He rolled his feet, flexing his toes. It still felt a little numb. “That was our best one yet.”

Sonny beamed. “You say that every time.”

“Which means you’re improving,” Rafael joked, licking his dry lips.

Sonny turned away and returned with a glass of water. “Here.”

“Thank you,” he sat up and gulped the water down in a second. “I liked the way you built your rhythm.”

“Yeah?,” Sonny hid his face in Rafael’s neck. “I wanted it to last a little longer.”

“Me, too,” Rafael kissed his hairline. 

He found it incredibly endearing how Sonny could speak complete filth one moment, then blush and speak in code the other. 

“I like being in you,” Sonny mumbled, pressing his whole face into Rafael’s shoulder. The ADA laughed, setting the glass aside so he could hold him. 

“I almost couldn’t tell,” Rafael joked. “This was a great idea, love.”

Sonny came out of hiding to smile brightly at him. “Right? Sixty-nine days of lockdown.”

Rafael nodded. “We had to celebrate.”

“We haven’t sixty-nined yet, though,” he pouted, and goddamn this man.

“Give me a few minutes and we just might,” Rafael smirked, pulling Sonny into a kiss.

* * *

Rafael was spread on the bed, naked as the day he was born, looking worn and satisfied. He stretched with a long sigh then relaxed again, running a hand down his chest and resting it on his thigh. 

Sonny watched him from the bathroom door, entranced by the gorgeous picture he made. They had yet to put on any clothes, but neither were in a hurry. 

He had procured them a quick snack then returned to bed to eat while they got their energy back up. Rafael had read for him a little, they’d both washed up and refreshed, and Sonny was starting to feel a tightness down south that told him soon he’d be ready for the next round.

“Come back,” Rafael whined, opening his arms in invitation.

Sonny walked straight to him, covering Rafael’s body with his own and claiming his lips for a long and wet kiss. Rafael opened his legs to accommodate him, and Sonny shivered from head to toe. He was drunk on this man and he would not apologize for it. 

He blindly reached for the bottle of lube on top of the bedside table, trying to squeeze some on his fingers without breaking their kiss, but nothing but air came out.

Sonny broke their kiss with a frown to see that the bottle was empty, and laughed. 

“Well, thank God for foresight,” Rafael joked, pointing at the drawer. 

Sonny had blushed about ten different shades of pink when he’d dropped five bottles of lube in front of the cashier that one time, but looking back now he had absolutely no regrets. 

He reached for the bedside table with so much enthusiasm he almost fell out of the bed, which made Rafael laugh. Sonny saw  _ it _ when he opened the drawer to grab their second bottle of lube. He frowned, taking the pair of glasses out and showing it to Rafael.

“What are these?,” he asked.

Rafael looked at him. “My reading glasses.”

“I’ve seen you reading, but I’ve never seen you wear these,” Sonny said, bringing the glasses onto the bed along with the lube.

“I forget about them,” Rafael shrugged. 

“Put them on, let me see.”

“I know you’re into older men, but this is getting a little weird now,” he chuckled.

Sonny shushed him. “I’m not into  _ older men _ . I’m into  _ you _ .”

“Well,” Rafael put the glasses on with a flourish. “There.”

“Oh wow,” he leaned back, straddling Rafael’s thighs so he could really look at him. “Jesus, babe, those look so good on you. It gives you this sexy professor vibe. I really like it.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you have the hots for any of your professors at Fordham?”

“Not really,” he said, but Rafael was still looking at him with that one annoying brow up. “Okay, maybe one, but it was just a little extra admiration. He’s an ADA in Brooklyn.”

“So you have a type,” Rafael grabbed his hips. “Should I be jealous?”

Sonny leaned down, closer to him, but otherwise didn’t move his ass. “Only if that makes you want me more.”

Instead of darkening, Rafael’s gaze went soft. “I couldn’t possibly want you any more than I already do, cariño.” 

He sagged against Rafael, suddenly too weak to hold himself up. “Don’t say things like that, Raf.”

“Why not?,” he asked, hands now running up Sonny’s back. 

“I’ll fall more in love with you,” he murmured, and Rafael’s hands tightened on him.

“Well,” Rafael kissed along his jawline until he reached Sonny’s ear. “Let me tell you a couple more things, then.”

“Yeah,” Sonny breathed, nodding.

“You’ll be good for me, won’t you, my love?”

“I will, I swear,” he trembled again, grinding into Rafael’s lap. “But please keep the glasses on.”

Rafael’s eyes did darken then, and his smirk made promises that Sonny was desperate for him to keep. He only hoped he wouldn’t be the one to pass out next.

**DAY 71: MAKING HOME**

When their Ikea order finally came, they wiped everything down and got ready to assemble the new items almost immediately. Rafael took the smaller objects while Sonny was in charge of building the bigger desk, which, according to him, was his specialty.

“First I was building things for my sisters, then my niece,” he’d said. “I’ve been reading Ikea instructions since I was 15.” 

So Rafael quickly assembled the new lamp, threw the new towels in the wash, changed the pillow covers and added the throw to the couch, put together the phone stands, and gave the french press, milk frother and mugs a good clean before going to help Sonny.

He’d left him in the extra bedroom, and Sonny had been wearing a tank top and shorts the last time he’d seen him. Halfway through building the desk the other man had clearly run hot because, as Rafael walked into the room, he was greeted by the sight of Sonny in nothing but dark grey  _ boxer shorts _ .

“What are you  _ wearing _ ?,” Rafael asked, scandalized. He couldn’t believe Sonny had somehow managed to hide this monstrosity from him all this time. 

Sonny looked up at him from the floor then down at himself with a lopsided smile. “My boxer shorts. I got really hot.”

“That’s--,” he huffed. “Why did you even bring them with you?”

“They’re comfortable,” Sonny shrugged. “I wore them to sleep before I started sleeping with you, you know, before I had to sex it up.”

Rafael laughed lightly. “Okay, so do you not need to  _ sex it up  _ anymore?” 

“Raf, don’t be a snob,” Sonny stood up, fixing said shorts. “It’s just for a moment while I finish this. It’s 200 degrees, I’m trying not to sweat my balls off.”

“Okay, first of all, I’m not a  _ snob _ , this is just a crime,” Rafael said, then waved a hand at Sonny’s groin. “Second of all, it’s not long enough, Sonny!”

Sonny smirked at him. “What, like you haven’t seen it all before?” 

“I’ve seen it up close and personal,” Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “But just so you know, it’s not flattering on your backside either.”

“You know what, remind me to order some thongs,” Sonny joked, laughing when Rafael rolled his eyes in response. 

“You’re a danger to society,” Rafael said, but there was no bite to it. He waved Sonny over. “Come see the new pillows and your lamp.”

Sonny dropped his tools and followed closely behind Rafael, eagerly rounding the couch as they entered the living room. The mustard pillows covers were replaced by bright purple ones, and the contrast against the dark brown couch made the whole room look livelier.

Purple had been Sonny’s suggestion as first - partly because he knew Rafael loved that color, partly because he was trying to convince him to get the covers with pug faces in gold foiling. 

“Here’s the one you chose,” Rafael said, picking up the dog pillow and handing it to Sonny. He beamed at it, running his fingers over the pug print.

“This looks even better than I imagined,” Sonny said, then set the pillow back next to the one Rafael chose. “It looks nice, the two of them like this.” 

Rafael had chosen a darker shade of purple, but it was a simple velvet cover that matched the pug one surprisingly well. 

“And do you like the throw?,” Rafael asked.

He’d set both pillows up against one side of the couch, while the other side was mostly covered by the deep purple throw he’d liked. It was a linen-cotton blend that wouldn’t smother them to death during summer. 

“I do!,” Sonny said, enthusiastic as ever, running his fingers over the fabric. “Sounds like we’re ready for cozy nights with a lighter blanket.”

Rafael chuckled. “Not if you keep wearing those shorts.”

Sonny groaned. “Come on, Raf!” 

“I’m just saying,” he shrugged, turning back towards the hallway. “Let’s see your new lamp.”

The lamp was the exact same one Rafael had on his own nightstand, but it had a different  _ meaning _ to him, and he wanted Sonny to see it for himself. He’d also put a phone stand on each table, and their phones were properly propped up now. 

“Cool! Look at that, our side tables match,” Sonny smiled, wrapping an arm around Rafael. “It looks very ‘serious couple in a serious, committed relationship’.” 

Rafael laughed. “Well, I guess that’s us.” 

“That’s us,” Sonny repeated, his face going soft. 

“And the french press and the milk frother are ready to use,” Rafael said. “You can make those cappuccinos you promised after lunch.”

“Absolutely,” he nodded, then patted his stomach. “Speaking of which, I’m starving.” 

“I can take care of lunch while you finish building the desk.” 

Sonny beamed again, kissing his cheek with a loud  _ smack _ . “Thank you,” he said. “The place looks really great, babe.”

“You helped choose everything,” Rafael smiled. “I’m glad your taste in homewear is better than your taste in underwear.” 

“Seriously?,” Sonny shook his head, biting into his cheek to hold back his smile. His dimples betrayed him, though. 

Rafael winked at him then swayed his way into the kitchen to get started on lunch. They’d had pasta twice the day before, so Rafael decided to run away from carbs for once by making a simple frittata.

Sonny had been the one to teach him how to make it, and Rafael found that he quite enjoyed the fact that he only needed the skillet as opposed to multiple pans with different purposes

He wasn’t as good at multitasking as Sonny when it came to cooking, and often one of the pans would end up burning. So, with the frittata, the single skillet and the minor chopping worked great for him. 

Sonny came into the kitchen just as Rafael was transferring the frittata into a serving plate.

“Okay, how’s this then?,” he asked, doing a twirl when Rafael turned to look at him.

Sonny had changed from his grey boxer shorts into the classic black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. It was nice and snug, and the bulge it created was, quite frankly, obscene.

Rafael smirked, looking Sonny up and down. “Much, much better.”

“Not as comfortable, though,” he grimaced.

“For you, maybe,” Rafael said, making a point of looking at Sonny’s ass.

Sonny chuckled. “You’re a real funny guy, anybody ever tell you that?”

“Rita, multiple times, but not as kindly,” he said. “She once sent me an application for a circus that was passing through town.” 

“She did not,” he cackled.

“Oh, she did. You’ve got to appreciate Rita’s sophisticated sense of humor,” Rafael shook his head amusedly. “Lunch’s ready.”

“Perfect timing! I just finished the desk,” Sonny pointed at the frittata. “That looks great.”

“I learned from the best, but before we eat I want to see the desk.”

Sonny made an exaggerated bow towards the living room. “This way, my lord.”

“I’ll look around for that circus application, maybe they’ll take you,” Rafael said, and got a slap on the butt for it.

Much to Rafael’s surprise, Sonny had styled the desk with some papers, books and stationary, setting his computer in the middle for the full picture. The color was great, dark wood with silver accents. It only needed a table lamp, a calendar and a couple personal knick knacks and it’d be done.

Rafael ran his finger on the tabletop with a smile, and thought one of their selfies in a silver frame would look good, too.

“It looks great,” he said, pecking Sonny on the lips as a thanks. “I have a chair in storage and we can get you one, too.” 

“You’re very sweet, but there’s no need, Raf,” Sonny waved a hand. “It’s not like I need a home office anyway.” 

Rafael shrugged. “You will when you make the switch.” 

Sonny’s face softened, and he pulled Rafael into a tight hug. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ll only have the chance to talk to the chief when we’re back to work next week.”

“I’m in no hurry,” Sonny said, pulling back to look at him. “I meant thank you for believing in me.”

Rafael felt an ache on his third rib. “You’re very welcome, my love.”

**DAY 73: PRIVATE LESSONS**

“Put one hand here and the other here, yeah like that, now give it a confident stroke,” Sonny said.

Rafael did, then grimaced. “That doesn’t seem right.”

“It’s okay, just put more pressure on your fingers,” Sonny helped him adjust his grip. “Press it as hard as you can. Now try again.

He did, and this time the stroke sounded just right. Rafael looked at Sonny, satisfied, and the other man beamed.

“Better,” Sonny said. “Give it a few more.”

Rafael grew more confident as the melody filled the room, smiling as Sonny bobbed his head to the sound. 

Sonny’s guitar had stayed mostly forgotten in a corner of the guest bedroom, but during their Ikea building session it’d collected dust from the MDF and Sonny had brought it out to clean. Of course it’d resulted in an impromptu serenade in which Sonny had followed Rafael around the apartment, playing random love songs, barely staying in tune as he tried to sing.

Rafael had been mildly charmed, but enough was enough and he’d taken the instrument away from Sonny only to be caught off guard by the strength of Sonny’s pout. 

So now they were sitting on the living room floor, Rafael with Sonny’s guitar on his lap as he taught him how to play a few notes.

“I’d heard you humming in the shower, but I had no idea you were such a good singer,” Sonny said, readjusting Rafael’s fingers when he lost his hold. 

Rafael shrugged. “ _ Abuelita _ forced me to join the church choir when I was little.”

Sonny chuckled, shaking his head. “Babe,  _ I _ have a church choir voice. You have a Broadway star voice.” 

“You’re biased,” he tutted.

“I’m being serious. You can actually hold long, high notes, Raf,” Sonny said, once again sounding awed. “Sing something for me,” he asked, pulling the guitar to his lap.

“Do you know anything from musicals?”

“The most popular ones. Moulin Rouge, Wicked, Rent, West Side Story, Grease,” he listed. 

“So you mean you’re a movie soundtracks’ guy,” Rafael teased.

“Not all of us are the DA’s favorite and get Broadway tickets every other week,” Sonny huffed.

Rafael laughed lightly as Sonny started strumming the opening notes of Your Song. It was a cliché choice, but a romantic one nonetheless, so Rafael sang his heart out. Sonny watched him with a big smile, offering backing-vocals here and there as the song went on. 

“ _ I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words _ ,” Rafael sang, leaning closer to Sonny and brushing their noses together.  _ “How wonderful life is now you’re in the world. _ ”

Sonny pulled him into a searing kiss, letting go of his guitar to hold Rafael’s face between his hand and caress his cheekbones. 

“Will you teach me that one?,” Rafael asked with a dozy smile.

Sonny responded with a grin of his own and a nod, giving Rafael the guitar again. “As long as you never stop singing.”

* * *

Rafael had an array of ties that completed a whole rainbow as they all laid flat on the bed. Sonny had been amused when he started pulling them out, showing the subtle difference in the undertone of three pink ties.

Somehow the evening had morphed into Rafael tying them around Sonny’s neck, the Detective changing between the two button-ups he’d brought, and trying on a couple of Rafael’s suit jackets, too. None really fit, too short on the arms and broad on the shoulders, but it was just so Rafael could explain how all the colors worked together.

“I’ve always found that keeping the jury interested in you is just as important as presenting a strong case,” he was saying, smoothing down Sonny’s lapel. “This suit is grey and it makes your eyes look grey, too. But if you add a blue tie, you instantly give it more color.”

Sonny nodded, checking himself out on the full-length mirror. “I thought dressing up was all about matching.”

“If you wear the same colors all across your outfit, the jury’s eyes are going to slide away from you. Always go for some contrast, be it contrasting colors or patterns.” 

He frowned, looking at Rafael. “But you match your tie to your socks.”

Rafael tutted. “Matching your tie to your shirt and jacket is one story, matching your tie to your socks is another, much more interesting story,” he said, all smug. “Besides, it’s not an exact match and they don’t see it much since it’s mostly covered by my pant legs.”

“I bet you match them to your underwear too, don’t you?,” he said with a cheeky smile. “That’s why you have so many colorful briefs.”

Rafael crossed his arms over his chest with an eyebrow raised. “Should I find it concerning that you’ve been looking in my underwear drawer?”

“Only if it concerns you to remember how you  _ demanded  _ I get you a new pair from your drawer after you ruined the ones you had on that other day.” 

“I didn’t ruin them,  _ you made me  _ ruin them,” he huffed.

Sonny laughed. “Are you arguing you acted under extreme duress?”

“Maybe there’s hope for you after all,” Rafael joked, smirking.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Sonny said. “Do you match your underwear to your tie?”

Rafael shrugged. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

“I look forward to it,” he said, grabbing Rafael around the waist and pulling him closer.

“Oh no, I won’t have you ruining this jacket,” Rafael shook his head, but made no effort to push Sonny away. “Let’s go back to your lesson.”

Sonny’s eyebrows flew up. “Lesson? Well, then you’re missing your glasses,  _ Professor _ .”

“You’re insufferable,” Rafael groaned, and he did pull away this time, but only so he could get his reading glasses from his bedside table, putting them on with a thoughtful expression. “Now, Mr. Carisi, show me how you’d style this dark blue jacket.”

Sonny perked up. “For what occasion, sir?”

“Smart,” he patted Sonny on the cheek. “It’s court day, but it’s a low profile case.”

“Okay,” Sonny ran his fingers over his options. The suit was a very dark blue, almost black, and that gave him a  _ lot  _ of choice, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. He had to narrow it down if he really wanted to get this right. “Who’s my opposing counsel?”

“Calhoun,” Rafael said.

Sonny smirked. Rafael had gone on a rant about Rita  _ bullying him  _ about his ties, which only made him want to wear his most showy ones on trial days. That would help him narrow it down, but not by much. Rafael had quite the selection of flamboyant ties, because of course he did.

“How early in the day are we talking?,” Sonny asked.

“You’re running out of questions, Mr. Carisi,” Rafael said sternly, rounding him. “It’s the last slot of the day.”

_ Bingo.  _ Sonny set the jacket down, laying his selected tie on top of it. It was almost as dark as the suit, but it had white, bright blue and bright red, thick stripes going down diagonally, and against a simple white shirt he was confident it’d look great.

Rafael scrutinized his choice, looking between the outfit Sonny had laid down and the man himself. A few quiet seconds passed before Rafael nodded approvingly.

“Well done,” he said. “What would you want as a reward?”

“Put it on,” Sonny said. 

“Alright,” Rafael went to take everything into the bathroom, but Sonny stopped him. 

“No, here,” he took a seat on the edge of the bed. “I want to see.”

Rafael smirked, then started undressing.

Sonny still had a lot to learn when it came to fabrics, patterns, lining, and tailoring. And thank God for that.

**DAY 75: FUTURE DECISIONS**

The evening had started with the two of them sitting side by side on the couch with homemade pizza as they rewatched Devil Wears Prada - Rafael’s new favorite movie. They’d somehow ended up with Sonny sitting sideways in Rafael’s lap while he fed him chocolate covered strawberries.

They’d just watched Rafael’s favorite scene - the rant about cerulean blue and the fashion industry - when he swallowed the last of the strawberry and looked at Sonny.

“How attached are you to your apartment?,” he asked.

Sonny blinked rapidly. “What do you mean?”

“Lockdown’s getting lifted in a few days,” Rafael shrugged. “Are you going back, or are you staying here?”

“You mean staying here is an option?”

“I don’t see why not,” he tilted his head, confused.

“Rafael,” Sonny said in a serious tone, reaching for the remote to pause the movie. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“We’ve been living together for well over two months, I don’t know why you’re so surprised,” he said, oh so softly and casual.

“I guess because moving in is not the same as being temporary roommates. It would mean this is no longer  _ your  _ apartment. It would be  _ ours _ ,” Sonny said slowly, cautiously. He wanted to make sure he was hearing this right. “That’s a very big step for two people who’ve only been official for a couple weeks.”

“What even is the concept of time anymore?,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Let me put it this way. I don’t want to be alone here after sharing this space with you for so long. I don’t want to come home to an empty bed. I don’t want to have to order food for one. I want you to be here,” he paused. “But I understand if you don’t feel the same or if you think we’re moving too fast.”

“I didn’t say that,” Sonny said quickly, both hands up. “To be honest with you, I can’t even fathom going back to my apartment knowing that you’ll be here alone. I don’t  _ want  _ to. But I don’t want to overwhelm you, I don’t want to take away your space.”

Although Rafael had done a great job of making it feel like it was Sonny’s space, too. The pillow he was currently leaning on had been chosen by Sonny, and the throw currently covering his feet had been a joint decision. Even the office desk Rafael had chosen was purposely big enough for the two of them to share. 

For a moment Sonny wondered if it was all leading up to this.

“You’re not taking anything away, love. You’ve  _ filled  _ every room in this apartment,” Rafael said, caressing his back. “You know I associate the kitchen with you? Baking, cooking, our breakfasts. I don’t like the idea of it going back to being unused.” 

“I don’t like that idea either, it’s a very good kitchen,” Sonny winked at him. “Very  _ sexy _ .”

Rafael chuckled. “You’re a ridiculous man.”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to say yes immediately,” he said. “It’s okay if you want to go back to your apartment, spend some time there.”

Sonny shook his head. “I don’t care about a space that doesn’t have you in it.” 

“Sappy,” Rafael muttered. 

Sonny leaned in to press a quick kiss on his lips before grinning at him. “You’re really willing to share your wardrobe space with me, uh?”

“Wait,” Rafael said, pulling a face. “I didn’t think this through.”

Sonny laughed. “No take backs!"

“I guess I could move all my winter coats and suits to the other room for now.”

“Yeah?,” his smile grew.

“Yeah. And I own the place, so that means no more rent for you.”

“But I’d start helping with the bills. We’d split them.”

Rafael nodded. “If you want.”

“Raf, come on,” Sonny groaned. “It was very generous of you to let me stay here all this time and not pay any bills, but if I’m supposed to move in, I want to help.” 

“You help with the groceries,” Rafael said. “And you cook, which means no expenses with take outs for me.” 

“And I’ll continue to,” Sonny poked him in the chest. “I like cooking for you. But that’s not an equal share and you know it.”

“Okay, we’ll go over the last couple bills and see how we can split them,” Rafael huffed, then pulled Sonny closer. “Will you move in?” 

“I’ll move in,” Sonny nodded, and laughed when Rafael cheered. “I’ve never lived with someone else before.”

“Really? Not even Taylor?”

Sonny shook his head. “We both did crazy hours and thought having separate places would keep scheduling conflicts to a minimum,” he sighed. “And it did, but other conflictions happened anyway.”

“Well, lucky for us, we practically have the same hours,” Rafael said, and it was refreshing to see him so optimistic.”

“I still get calls in the middle of the night, though,” Sonny said. “And sometimes I don’t get home until very late.”

“I know, because you stay late at the office with me,” Rafael interjected. “And I don’t mind the calls at ungodly hours if it means you’re here.”

Sonny grabbed Rafael’s face and gave him a loud, biting kiss. “I can’t wait to move in.”

“Me neither,” Rafael agreed.

**DAY 78:** **NORMAL LIFE**

When the last day of lockdown finally rolled around, it felt weird. Sonny was lethargic for the whole morning, choosing not to go on a jog so he could enjoy the last day in. 

They’d had breakfast in silence, but neither had moved far from the other. Their arms brushed, fingers touched, and Sonny took every opportunity to nuzzle Rafael between bites. 

Rafael hadn’t protested, either. He leaned into every touch, sighing with the same grieving weight that had settled on Sonny’s chest. 

That was when Sonny had the idea to go for a drive. They weren’t really allowed to  _ be  _ anywhere outside, but they were allowed inside his car. So after lunch they packed a couple snacks and drove. GPS off, he took random turns here and there, following the trees and the unchaseable horizon.

Rafael had kept a hand on Sonny’s thigh the whole time. Not provoking, not inching anywhere near his crotch, just  _ present.  _ At one point as they waited at a red light, Sonny had reached for it, intertwined their fingers and pulled Rafael’s hand up to his lips. 

He pressed soft, reverent kisses to the back of Rafael’s hand until the light turned green. He had to let go to change gears, but he’d quickly looked at Rafael with a smile. His boyfriend kept his eyes on him, sparkling full of fondness and admiration, and Sonny’s heart mended itself a little.

On Monday, Rafael would go out into his new reality, and Sonny would take over his office desk so he could attend Zoom meetings all morning. First 1PP was going to relate all their new safety protocols, then Olivia was going to conduct another meeting for the squad alone.

It was the start of their new beginning. But before morning came, Sonny just wanted to be with Rafael. 

So once they got home, he’d pulled Rafael into bed and they held each other until they fell asleep, Rafael’s head pillowed on Sonny’s chest, Sonny’s arms around him. It was the best nap Sonny had ever had, especially since he woke up first and got to watch Rafael breathing onto his chest.

It wasn’t long after that Rafael blinked his eyes open, looking up at Sonny with a sleepy smile.

“I’ll miss this,” Rafael mumbled. “No incoming calls, no work-related stress, no responsibilities. Just the two of us.” 

Sonny lifted his head to press a kiss on top of Rafael’s. “Me, too.”

Rafael yawned, smacking his lips together and sighing. His hair was a mess, and his cheek was a little creased, and he’d never looked better. Sonny had been momentarily distracted by the golden twinkle in his eyes and that was the only reason why he didn’t anticipate what Rafael said next.

“I love you,” Rafael said, a serene expression taking over as soon as the words were past his lips. 

Sonny gaped at him, shocked that his boyfriend had said it first. “You do?,” he whispered, and Rafael nodded, his beard scratching Sonny’s chest. “You do. I love you, too.”

Rafael pushed up on his elbows, making his biceps bunch and tense and shift with him, which Sonny appreciated, and leaned down to kiss him.

He sighed happily into the contact, responding to Rafael with enthusiasm. Making out had always been great, Sonny had always liked the sweet intimacy of it, but Rafael’s kisses were otherworldly and deserved its own title.

“Wow,” Sonny breathed when they parted. 

Rafael smiled, laying down on his shoulder to keep them at an easy kissing distance, thankfully, because Sonny immediately turned his head and claimed his lips again. 

It was only 20 minutes later that he let them part again, and Rafael’s lips were red, kissed raw, and Sonny’s stomach fluttered at the sight.

“Say it again, babe,” Sonny asked in a whisper, his eyes watching Rafael’s thoroughly kissed lips wrap around the words he craved.

“I love you,” Rafael said, sweet and honest. 

“I love you, too,” Sonny beamed, hugging him around the waist. “We did it. Two months and a half of lockdown.” 

Rafael sighed. “78 days.”

“I know it was mentally taxing and some days felt like a nightmare, but I think we’re pretty lucky.” 

“I know I am,” he said softly, eyelids heavy like he was about to fall asleep again. 

“Sappy,” Sonny whispered. “I think we should bake a cake to celebrate.” 

“Chocolate?,” Rafael hummed in interest.

“And ganache.” 

Rafael practically flew out of the bed. “Let’s go.” 

“Hey!,” Sonny laughed, sitting up just in time to grab Rafael by the hips. “Not yet!”

He pulled Rafael back into bed, the two of them laughing as Sonny arranged himsElf on his back and Rafael laid on top of him, making himself comfortable between Sonny’s legs. He rested both hands on Sonny’s chest, laying his chin on them, and sighed. 

Looking at him then, Sonny had the absurd, stray thought that he was going to marry this man someday.

“I wanna talk to you about something,” Sonny said, caressing Rafael’s back. “Since I’m moving in and we’ve established that you love me very much,” Sonny started tentatively.

“You added the ‘very much’ all on your own,” he chuckled.

Sonny ignored him. “How do you feel about getting a dog?” 

“A dog?,” he raised an eyebrow. “Sweetheart, when would we ever have the time?”

“Your neighbors have kids, right? They could dog-sit.” 

“If you want a pet couldn’t we get something that doesn’t need as much attention? Like a rabbit. Or a bird.” 

“A rabbit?,” Sonny shook his head. “How about a cat?” 

“A cat would still need a lot of attention.”

Sonny sighed in exaggerated disappointment. “Okay, I hear you, but when I make the switch into the DA’s office we can both organize our schedules in a way that allows us to be home for the little guy, right?” 

Rafael paused, considering it.“We can.” 

Sonny smiled. “So we’ll put that idea in a drawer for now and revisit it later.”

“Deal,” Rafael nodded, then narrowed his eyes at Sonny. “Maybe Amaro was right. I  _ am  _ whipped.”

Sonny laughed. “Maybe, but I think it’s cute,” he pressed a kiss to Rafael’s forehead. “Raf, I’m really happy.”

“Yeah?,” Rafael smiled, his nose scrunching with it. “I’m very happy, too. Thank you for saying yes when I asked you to come spend lockdown with me.” 

“Thank God I did,” he chuckled. “I was supposed to spend two months with my parents and instead I got to have the time of my life with you.”

“We had some fun,” Rafael said, kissing Sonny’s sternum.

“We did,” Sonny nodded. “And we’ll have some more, much more.”

Sonny sighed, content and satisfied, and closed his eyes. They were still off duty, so they could enjoy another nap. Then when they woke up, still in each other’s arms, they would start getting ready for the rest for their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! 50k words of domestic barisi being fools in love! Thank you so much for this amazing ride! Hopefully I'll be able to write more fics like this, where I ask you guys what you want to see and somehow manage to fit so much in one story. Follow me @pastelpinktv because that's where the magic happens lmao
> 
> Let me know what you think of the conclusion of this one! I'll see you soon with another brand new barisi fic MWAH

**Author's Note:**

> So what Sonny really meant with "let me wash your back" was "let me grab your ass", he just didn't want to be too crude lmaooooo well here it is! If you follow me on twitter you know that my plan is to actually write the 78 days of lockdown, but this first month had a life of its own, so I decided to let it out in the world before I finished the two other months.
> 
> Not everything that was suggested made it into this first chapter, but I've already compiled the rest of the list to tackle those on chapters 2 and 3. Therefore, this is TO BE CONTINUED, but let me know what you think! Hit the kudo button, leave a little comment, and come talk to me about it on twitter @pastelpinktv *wink* since you soon!


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